Shattered Remains
by MissRose727
Summary: Insomnia seems to be an issue for Draco and Hermione. Unfortunately for Hermione, her insomnia brings her more horrors than just lack of sleep. Draco finds her and everything changes. Who could possibly have broken and bloodied the Head Girl so completely and why was he the one who had to fix her? Warnings: L, adult themes, non-con/rape, self abuse, details inside
1. On Insomnia, Troubles With…

**Title**: Shattered Remains

**Author name**: MissRose727

**Category:** Angst

**Sub Category**: Romance

**Rating:** M

**Spoilers**: Up to DoM of OotP then AU, Sirius is alive, cleared of charges and is the new DADA teacher! Harry defeated Voldemort at the Department of Mysteries! Death Eaters are still out there, following their final orders.

**Summary**: Insomnia seems to be an issue for Draco and Hermione. Unfortunately for Hermione, her insomnia brings her more horrors than just lack of sleep. Draco finds her and everything changes. Who could possibly have broken and bloodied the Head Girl so completely and why was he the one who had to fix her?

**DISCLAIMER**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author notes**: This story will deal with adult issues, including rape, self abuse and mild suicidal thoughts at some points. Eventually sexual content of the consensual variety will be there. If this isn't your cup of tea, please don't drink it, that's all I ask.

This is my first full length fanfiction, and my first Dramoine. Please Read, Review, let me know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is wonderful :) Thanks! Enjoy!

Shattered Remains

**Chapter One: On Insomnia, Troubles With…**

Warnings in advance: Angsty teenagers and foul language. Be afraid ;-)

**-DM-**

Draco had been staring at the ceiling for approximately two hours. He was waiting for it to do something strange, or at minimum mildly amusing. It was still the same as before he began looking at it. There was still the same soft green across the smooth stone walls from the reflection of the lake through the portal windows as when he had climbed into his bed. He had always loved the dungeons, especially in the quiet of the night. It was just he and his thoughts with an occasional mer-person or giant squid in the small windows for company.

His new accommodations, now that he was Head Boy, were quite like his former room with Blaise, Theo, Greg, and Vince but with more space and less snoring. Their snores were the mood music for his nightly thought perusal for the past six years. On some nights they were unfortunately the cause of his restless-ness. It had been a wonderful change having his own private accommodations this year. He had high hopes that he would be able to sleep more, and much more soundly, now that he was alone. That didn't seem to be his fortune however. So even though he had less musical accompaniment to his thoughts at times like this, it seems he was having a worse time sleeping now than ever before. The normal comfort of his home-away-from-home that had been Hogwarts hadn't been quite as comforting this year as in years past. For what reason, he wasn't sure.

He did a lot of thinking when sleep resisted him. He pondered deep thoughts of things that had passed and worried over things that were now. Such things as his pathetic father, who was now wasting away in Azkaban because of his obsession with power and standing with the late Dark Lord.

Thoughts of his mother, trying desperately to clean up the Malfoy name from his father's disgrace. It had taken Draco an entire year to make up for his father's wrongs. They'd tried to say he was his father's son, that he was a bad seed. That all he was after was power. He couldn't disagree with them more. Was he blind to who and what Lucius was for 15 years of his life? Yes, he was willing to admit that. Draco had idolized him for the better part of his life. He had bought into all the blood purity nonsense and did his best to make his father proud.

That was then, this was now. His father's actions at the Department of Mysteries proved just how wrong Draco was about his father and his beliefs. Lucius had fired on Draco's fellow students for Merlin's sake! They had been but fifteen, and some fourteen. Babies, they were then. He had fired on children and then expected praise and idolization from his son? A well practiced "I'm proud to be a Malfoy" speech from Draco when he returned? _Bloody fucking hell, what if I had been there? _Draco thought bitterly. _Would he have tried to eliminate me because I stood in his Master's way?_ _Bugger him and his ideals, he got what was due._

So in his sixth year he set out to prove that just because he had inherited his sperm donor's looks did _not _mean that he had inherited the same ideals and aspirations from him. They'd tried to tell him that he didn't deserve Head Boy, so he had made sure they couldn't deny his right to it. He had earned it. He had worked day in and day out, dawn to dusk in his sixth year to prove he was not his father. Everything he did in his sixth year was to prove that he _was not _Lucius Malfoy.

He had even called a truce with the Golden Trio. They still bickered and made good fun of each other but it wasn't with malicious intent any longer. He came to find that Granger wasn't too awful either, though he'd never admit that allowed. Especially since she was Head Girl and he had to see her on a more than regular basis.

He was still staring out at the unchanging, non-amusing Head Boy room, which he deserved! All he could think about was what all was left? What's left of him, his namesake, and his future? If he had had to work this hard just to achieve this honorary post in school, how was he ever going to get the rest of the world to see him for who he is, and not for who his father was?

His future had been planned out for him since day one. He was to follow in his father's footsteps, make one hell of a Death Eater, take over the family businesses and be addicted to power for the rest of his life. That path had turned out well for Luciusdidn't it? No, he may not know what he wanted to do after Hogwarts but it wouldn't be anything that had been expected or planned. He had always been a decent artist, sketching and creating things throughout his childhood. Perhaps architecture, he had looked into that once and it didn't seem too awful of a job. Merlin forbid anyone ever found out about that juicy piece of information. Draco Malfoy: failure to his father and poncy artist to boot. _Yes, I'll just kill myself now thanks_, he though dryly.

_How much more can I depress myself tonight, hmm?_ Oh here was a humdinger that had plagued him. He hadn't ever known love…couldn't you just see daddy-o raining praises, kisses, hugs and all that nonsense on his son? His mother had tried in her own way but it always was followed by a look that said 'don't tell your father I showed you affection because I will deny it to my grave'. Hell he didn't even think he could _learn_ how to love. It wasn't a part of his genetic coding. Malfoy's don't show emotion. Malfoy's don't have emotions! Well except scorn and hatred, and smug superiority. Those were acceptable for a proper Malfoy.

He was supposed to be a hateful prick that spurned everything and everyone below him. He was supposed to be the bastard who went over to the dark side and become chummy with the almighty Voldemort. News flash to the world…he hated that man, if you could call him a man. No tears were shed from Draco's eyes when Potter had finally done him in.

**-HG-**

Hermione hated being unable to sleep. Insomnia had always plagued her. It tended to be a larger burden on her than necessary. She would toss and turn all night. Tonight found her staring at the top of her four post bed, exhausted, exasperated and perhaps a touch melancholy. Even when her mind went into a numb state, she still couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop her brain from thinking. She always seemed to think about everything wrong in her life.

Some people would think about what they were going to do to better their lives, or what new Quidditch plays they would do at practice the next day. What does she think about? Oh nothing much, just everything that had happened in the last six years at Hogwarts. Not exactly the best thing to think about in her opinion, but there it was. With each year a new and terrible thing was there for the 'Golden Trio' to defeat. Last year, their sixth year, was the most normal she had felt since before finding out she was a witch. But she'd been so busy studying and trying to do her prefect duties to achieve Head Girl status, she never noticed that her relatively normal life was passing her by.

Hermione's life had always been about books, learning and being the best at everything she set out to do. She was Harry's never ending encyclopedia during his quest to defeat You-Know-Who. She would forever be Ron's second choice. He barely noticed she was in fact a girl. It had hurt when she realized that the small crush she had developed during third and fourth year would never amount to anything. But that was okay, when she thought about it; she probably wasn't really all that infatuated with him. It was more she was expected to get together with him.

Aside from the boys' keeper she was also supposed to be the perfect model student. _Do you know how lonely that is? Let me tell you, it is __very__ lonely,_ she thought sadly. _The boys forget about me if there are no questions are to be answered or quests to unfold_, she snorted to the empty room. She never did share their love for flying and Quidditch.

She was a book worm, she was not usually one go to the house parties. People didn't see her as a fun, get wild and crazy, drink herself stupid type of girl. They believed her to be the one to crash the party, to even prevent them. Designated driver as her muggle friends would call her. _Oh how I would love to get drunk, do stupid things, and suffer the consequences just because I liked having fun._ Unfortunately… it wasn't her, and she doubt it ever _would_ be her. It wasn't what everyone else was expecting. She would hate to disappoint.

She sometimes wondered what it would be like to get less than perfect scores. _Just once let someone else beat me._ People expected her to be perfect, get straight Outstanding's on all her OWLs and now the NEWTs and then go on to be bloody perfect at everything else life threw at her. It got rather annoying and _very_ stressful_. I mean think about it! _She challenged the silence. _What if everyone was coming to you for all the answers? Always assuming that you, above all people, should know the answers to their problems! Well, sometimes, you __don't__ know the answer! Sometimes you're just human! _

To some people she supposed it was a nice feeling, a sense of power having seemingly unlimited knowledge. To be the one who people know they can rely on is honorable at the very least. To her it was the exact opposite. Hermione tended to get annoyed with those who wanted her to solve their problems or expected her to help them with their essays.

_I wish I could just tell them to bugger off!_ _I mean, if I can find the answer to whatever ridiculous nonsense they wish to know, then they should be able to find it as well! I am Hermione Granger! A person. A woman. A woman with feelings! Not a dictionary, not a seer, and not your bloody homework savior!_ Growling and mentally gnashing her teeth, she tossed herself to her side, glaring now at the wall.

Aside from all the negative feelings towards how she was supposed to run her life, she couldn't deny all the benefits her hard work had gotten her. Being told she was going to be Head Girl had been such an amazing feeling. It had only been about a month since start of term but she didn't think she could ever give up her rooms and return to the Gryffindor Dorms. No more sharing a small bathroom space with four other girls! That in itself was glorious and not to be taken for granted.

It had been expected, her being Head Girl. Everyone had always said from her first year on that she would get it. It had been a lot of pressure to be the brains of the trio, keep perfect grades, take extra classes, keep up with prefect duties and not have a nervous break down!

All that work had left Hermione with so little personal reflection time. _Everyone wonders why I don't use hair taming potions or learn glamour charms. Well when in the bloody bleeding hell would I have time for that with all my other duties? _Sadness filled her heart for a moment at her musings.

It wasn't that she didn't think herself pretty, just that no one else seemed to want to see her gussied up, so why bother at all? She had no doubts that the boys around her would notice her if she didn't look twelve still. No, not boys, men. Men who had no idea what she could give them if only they saw past the books and cleverness.

_This train of thought is going nowhere_, she chastised herself. _Perhaps a walk?_ After all she was Head Girl and although she had already done her rounds for the night, once more couldn't hurt. If she was caught she'd simply tell them that she lost track of time studying but wanted to fulfill her duties as Head Girl. Yes, that would make anyone who may catch her happy and then they would be on their merry way. _I'll start with the edges of the Forbidden Forest and work my way back inside. I should be plenty tired by the time I am back to my bed._

Sliding out of bed she threw on a loose pair of warm lounge pants and a sweater over her t-shirt. It was still early fall but enough of a nip in the air to need some kind of protection. _How I wish it would only get cold and snow in December and be back to sunny days and cool evenings for the rest of the year. A white Christmas is a must but otherwise cold does not suit me at all!_ She shivered at the thought of the biting wind and snow storms to come.

**-DM-**

Another two hours later and sleep was still just out of reach for Draco. _I'm way too restless to get any amount of sleep in right now. Bugger, I need to get out of this room._ _I'll do rounds, or at least that will be the excuse if I am caught out of bed at this ungodly hour. _It was technically Granger's night for rounds but Draco didn't really give a rat's arse whose night it was. _If I don't get out of this room…_ he sighed wearily, _well let's just say don't lock up a restless dragon. It never bodes well for anyone in the end._

With that resolve he donned on his thickest trousers, his favorite warm turtleneck and his cloak, just in case, and swiftly left his rooms. His usual path would do fine for tonight: the forbidden forest line to the greenhouses around to the entrance gate and back inside. If he got the outside dealt with first he would have the rest of the castle to warm up in and therefore not be going back to his bed cold.

_How I hate cold. I hate being cold and I hate it being around me. Although I have always been fair skinned, it is not from lack of sunshine. _He smiled, there was a not so silent bet that the Malfoy's had vampire blood in them, but it wasn't true. They just had fair skin and platinum hair, like the Weasley's who have freckles and red hair.

_Winter is my least favorite season, followed closely by fall, as it leads into those four bloody months of freezing temperatures, crazy winds, snow storms and ice. No, give me the bright warm sun on a beach any day and I will be a happy Malfoy._

As he reached the large oak main doors he braced himself for the chill about to sear his sensitive skin. It was only the beginning of October so the weather hadn't gone completely to hell. He opened the doors and was pleasantly surprised it wasn't too freezing out. He still put his cloak on.

_I really do hate being cold. I wish my duties didn't include going outside. Who in their right mind goes outside at this time of night anyway? I should just go back and check the hallways and call it good. _But the thought of perfect Granger braving the outdoors made him reconsider. _Fine, out I go_, he grumbled silently.

That brought him to thoughts of the Head Girl. He knew what he was getting himself into, going after Head Boy. As if anyone else could have come close to beating out the prissy, perfect Hermione Granger to the Head Girl post. No, Draco knew from year one that she would be the bane of his existence if he were to achieve Head Boy, even more so than she had been academically through their years at Hogwarts.

_I don't see her as a filthy mudblood anymore, but she is still an insufferable know-it-all._ _She thinks she's so damn perfect. The Gryffindor Princess, brains of the Golden Trio… pain in my arse._ Growling at his thoughts he turned toward the forest.

Looking around the night sky, his wand light out and only the moon to see by, he thought about the space they shared being Head Boy and Girl, the head common room. It was truly the only space Draco would ever have wished to share with her, and that only being because he had wanted- no needed- the Head Boy post. That being said, only his messages and the Prefect meetings brought him to visit the hole in the wall room they shared_._

_I suppose it isn't that bad. If anyone else was Head Girl, I would probably risk the chance of being in their company by being in there more often_, he reasoned. It was larger than his personal rooms, with a large sofa in black leather with a few throw pillows tossed about. There was two plushy tan suede lounge chairs next to the couch facing the fireplace. In the center of the room was an oversized table for meetings with the appropriate amount of chairs gathered around it. The table had small nicks and scrapes from years of dull prefect meetings and bored students.

_I'm sure I have made a scratch or two_, a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth at the thought. Along the left wall with the two large picture windows looking out over the lake was Draco and Grangers' desks…set as far apart as the room would allot for. This was Draco's doing at the first chance he could after being told they were allowed to adjust the room to their liking.

There was a small restroom to right side of the room, with an equally small bath-shower combination. There was also a small bedroom at the back of the sitting area.

_I shouldn't call it a bedroom_, Draco scoffed, _it is more like a closet with a bed in it. To be honest we have broom closets bigger than that room at the Manor. _It had just a small, single bed with a night stand and lamp, presumably for the poor student who had lost track of time and had fallen asleep studying, too tired or too late to head back to their dorm room, to crash in.

_It could also be used for other, not as innocent acts, by the two Heads,_ he thought devilishly, thinking of a few students he wouldn't mind being partnered with as head boy and girl._ However, that room will _not_ be used in that fashion this year,_ he vowed. _Merlin forbid even the thought!_ No, even though Granger wasn't a mudblood in his eyes anymore, he still would never stoop to that level of desperateness.

Once he had reached the edge of the forest he lit his wand with a quick _Lumos_, now needing to see his surroundings. He started his walk, continuing his mental tour of the head common room, not really paying much attention. Grumbling to himself again about the late hour and who in their right mind would be outside at this time, he didn't see the two figures up ahead of him. They went unnoticed as he glanced around the forest trees half heartedly. _Anyone out here, aside from myself of course, is out of their mind if you ask-_

_What the bloody hell was that?_ He turned his gaze out to the castle grounds, looking for the source of the sound that had interrupted his thoughts. Nothing but the still of the night and a cool gentle breeze greeted him however_. I know I heard someone._ It had sounded like the start of a scream but then it had been hushed quickly. _Don't tell me someone really was dumb enough to come outside. Bloody hell, now I have to find the imbecile and deduct points, maybe detention. _He pinched the bridge of his nose, so much for a calming walk to clear his head. He set out to look for the foolish student.

**-HG-**

It was chilly out but not overwhelmingly so. Hermione was starting to wish she had brought her cloak along. A small warming charm would work fine though. She wouldn't be out there much longer. She had already made it through the forest edge and had just finished with the first greenhouse. _Only two houses left and I can go back inside._ _At least it is warm in here_, she sighed happily when the warmth from house number two hit her face and hands. This was the house where the NEWTs class was located.

They were working on growing and coaxing the divination properties out of Coltsfoot. It was a common flower in Europe, blooming stunning yellow petals and soft leaves once a year. Muggles used it for soothing sore throats and coughs. But when it was grown in the correct soil and thirty days of devoted care and nourishment, the plant could choose to give away its petals and leaves at their most potent moments. Normally you couldn't even budge the petals until the flower had run through its life cycle. You could still acquire the qualities you needed for divination with the later shed petals and leaves, but no where near as potent as when the flower offered them to you early. They say that if you could manage to grow and harvest the petals with the flowers gift, the person who used the leaves could, at least for the moment, become a Seer and have a prophetic vision. Foretelling had never been Hermione's strong suite but at least with this herb you didn't have to deal with that 'inner eye' nonsense Trelawney continuously spouted off.

Hermione stroked her plant gently, trying for whatever it was worth to show she cared for the little seedling. Something caught her attention, though, just outside the greenhouse. _Who in their right mind would be out this late, other than me of course! It is still undecided if I am even in my right mind._ She sighed and headed for the door, fully intending to deduct a large amount of points for being out and being foolish enough to get caught!

She went outside and looked around. Nothing jumped to her attention right away. She reached inside her sweater for her wand to cast a Lumos, but as soon as she did a hand clamped over her mouth. She gasped and tried to struggle against whoever had her. It was a large hand, larger than most women's hands.

_Who ever this was had to be male and definitely not a child, possibly as young as a seventh year_, she reasoned with her mind, trying desperately not to lose her levelheaded calm that she was known for. She kept struggling but the hands and arms holding her still were so strong!

_Where is my wand!_ She panicked for a moment but then remembered that she may be able to get her wand from her sweater. Reaching as far as his arms would allow, she found it. For a brief moment her heart jumped with glee, only to have it drop to the floor and stepped on as her attacker ripped the wand from her hands and then it was out of sight. It was as if he was waiting for her to find it and save him the trouble.

_Okay, don't panic, that's what he wants. _She tried to tell herself. Moody's voice filled her head, "Constant Vigilance!" Yes, that would have been well and great if she had thought of that about thirty seconds ago! She tried to turn her head to see who her attacker was, but to no avail. It was so dark outside, with little to no light, and he was standing behind her.

"What's a precious little Mudblood Princess doing outside so late, hmm?" She froze her movements when his smooth deep voice filled the night air. _Oh God, I know his voice!_ Her fear alarm was growing to dangerous levels. _I know this person. Merlin, could this be a student, or a teacher? _His hand was still covering her mouth so she didn't even attempt to reply.

"I'm going to let go of your mouth now," He started again. Now she was listening intently. _He can't be that stupid? I'm not completely without a wand I could call it to me and stun him. I could scream…_she silenced her thoughts to pay attention to what he was saying. _Maybe he will unknowingly give me a clue as to what he wants_, she though hopefully.

"You are not going to scream. You are not going to make a sound. I have my wand," He pressed his wand to the side of her neck for emphasis. "You have nothing. I've banished your wand to the forest. You won't get but a squeak out before I silence you and then I'll knock that head of yours so hard, you won't remember who you are. I will have my way with you, you filthy piece of garbage. If you be a good little _mudblood_ and do the only thing mudbloods are good for, I'll let you go free. Free, with all the fond memories of our time together. I might even try to make it good for you. You'd like that wouldn't you? Have a real man show you how to feel oh so good?" His tongue slid out over her ear and licked the tip. Hermione shuddered on the inside, determined not to show the man her fear and repulsion to him.

"Try to get away," he continued, "to run or scream and you will regret it. I'll make sure there is pain, a lot of it and I'll come back for more. It is in _your_ best interest to do as I say." Hermione nodded her head in silent agreement. That was at least the first step in gaining her freedom from this wizard before- no she didn't even want to think about what was coming. _I may loose all my Gryffindor courage if I think about it, not that I'm feeling all that brave at the moment._

Then she saw it. Someone else was out on this cursed night! She can see a faint wand light in the distance, over by the forest. The man released her mouth. He must not have seen the light. _This could be my only chance_, she thought, and with a very slight look around for her wand, she mumbled under her breath "_Accio Wand_."

Nothing.

_He did send it too far away to summon_, she groaned inside_._ He chuckled then. A most terrifying chuckle if Hermione had ever heard one. The she heard a small whisper and her hands flew behind her of their own accord and she could feel a tight coil of harsh rope around her hands and wrists. He jerked at the rope on her hands and pulled her body closer to him in display of his irritation with her. She could feel his chin against the side of her head as he leaned in close to her ear again, only a breath away from his lips touching her skin.

"Quiet! I told you your wand was lost to the forest you disgusting mudblood. Believe me now? Take heed to the rest of what I said as well. I meant every word. Now move!" He hissed and pushed her away from him, and away from the light. Screaming was her only option now. If she could get out a scream loud and long enough for whoever it was by the forest to hear, maybe they would see her or at least come looking. He tugged and pulled at her bound hands, walking her towards a different greenhouse further away from the forest.

She gathered up all her remaining Gryffindor courage and threw her head back as hard as she could. Stars shone in her eyes as she had managed to hit him in the nose…or maybe his mouth, she wasn't sure, and she didn't care! She screamed with everything she had but it was only a second, if that, before her scream turned silent. She kept screaming, just in case. He had recovered quicker than she thought he would from her assault and silenced her before she could get much out.

_Shit_. That was the last thing she thought before her head exploded in more pain and everything went dark.

a/n: okay, so how did I do so far? Read, review! Love it? Hate it? _points_ its right there, the little button right there! :D


	2. On Lies and Truces and Secrets oh my!

**Chapter 2: On Lies and Truces and Secrets Oh My!**

Warnings in advance: Mentions of Non-Con/Rape, foul language, self abuse and blood.

**-DM-**

Draco was still grumbling and growling as he made his way towards where the sound seemed to originate from. Since he couldn't pinpoint exactly where it'd come from he was forced to move slowly, to look behind all tree lines in the forest, behind bushes and off in the distance. _If they are in the forest, well bugger them_. He wasn't going to go in after them. Not seeing anyone or hearing anything from the forest he crossed over towards the greenhouses.

Reaching the third greenhouse first, he opened the door and looked around. Nothing seemed to be disturbed and there was no movement inside. He paused for a moment to survey and listen carefully. It was never enough to just look inside. Students were crafty, they knew interesting places to hide, but the one thing they all had to do was breathe. Sensing nothing he did a quick walkthrough up and back down the main aisle way. With nothing claiming his attention he gave up on green house three and went to move on to greenhouse two.

Upon opening greenhouse two's door, Draco smelled a feminine perfume in the air. Smiling gleefully, knowing he had caught the student finally, he started to whistle under his breath. However, after carefully looking around, listening and in this case smelling, he came up empty handed. Disgruntled he turned toward the door, intending on moving onto the next greenhouse. He'd been so sure someone had been in there recently.

Opening the door to the outside, Draco surveyed the grounds in front of him. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary but something felt off. Closing the door behind him he turned toward greenhouse one. He didn't get but a few inches before everything went dark and felt his body land rather hard in a crumpled heap on the grass before he completely lost consciousness.

When Draco came to, he was in greenhouse one just inside the door and just as ceremoniously dump inside, as he had been crumpled on the ground outside. He could hear running water from the back of the greenhouse. He stood up and righted his clothes; scooping up his wand he went to investigate the running water. He was silently fuming. Whoever had jinxed him was going to pay. No one curses a Malfoy and gets away with it! _Whoever did this will rue the day they messed with Draco Malfoy_, he steamed hotly. Still seething and planning his assailant's demise, he rounded the corner to the back room. What he saw next made him pale even more than anyone would have thought possible and he wanted to vomit on the spot.

Hermione Granger was in a mixture of water, dirt and blood. Startled but not completely out of his mind, Draco drew his wand in defense and looked around, taking note of anything that was out of place and anywhere her assailant could have hidden. There had been a struggle, he noted but nothing seemed missing.

Turning back to his fellow student, he forced himself to take in the damage done to the precious Gryffindor princess. She was covered from head to toe in dirt and mud. Her normally wild and frizzy hair was matted and slicked with blood, possibly from a head wound he couldn't yet see.

Draco could only stare at her lifeless form. He was pleased to see her chest rise and fall with her shallow breaths, but saw more than he'd ever wanted to see of the brunette. Her sweater and an under shirt were torn up the middle, flayed open like curtains at the theatre framing the stage. Her bra had been cut in the center as well and each cup was lying on either side of her chest. Small cuts and already bruising skin covered her torso, breasts and arms. Her neck was bruised, fingerlike markings covering both sides of her throat.

He colored, not knowing how to proceed. He felt like he was violating her by just taking in the situation, but he had to know the damage in order to help. He was still fighting the urge to just run away and pretend he never saw her or the state she was in. But that would make him a coward, and he was many things but not a coward.

Daring to look lower he was briefly glad to see that she was covered from the waist down but his relief didn't last long as it was only the band of her lounge pants that was left in tact.

The fabric, which should have been on her legs, was torn in long strips and it now almost resembled a skirt rather than the pants they should have been. Her pants were parted to the side and horrifically and embarrassingly he noticed that she did not have her knickers any longer.

There was blood all over her legs and waist as well. The same small cuts and scrapes that riddled her arms covered her legs as well, and the bruises at her hip bones, probably from being held down so forcefully, were already a dark angry purple. Her feet still had her socks and shoes on, making her seem somehow even more vulnerable and broken to the fair blonde boy.

Draco felt the bile rise another few inches in his throat, nearly tasting it now. He turned around to gather himself, taking a few deep breaths, steadying his mind and body. The irony of the dirt and the blood hadn't escaped him and it angered him more than he thought to be normal. Obviously whoever did this saw her as nothing more than a mudblood, and had treated her as such. Once upon a time he might have found this irony amusing and creative, now it just made him nauseous and by all means _pissed_.

Coming to his senses after far longer than he should have, he turned back to the poor girl and conjured a blanket out of a broken piece of a flower pot. Transfiguration was one of his strong suits, and he took every opportunity he could to practice it. Draping it over her, he cast a quick spell to check her vitals and see if she was in mortal danger from her injuries.

_Thank the Gods for having me take Advanced Healing this year!_ Nothing alarmed him during the scan and her vitals seemed stable, even with all the blood lying about her body. He paused, thinking of what to do first. He could go get help and come back, but he didn't want to leave her alone.

_What if the guy who did this came back?_ He glanced around briefly. No he couldn't leave her. If he were to carry her he would need to change her clothes because as the way they were now they would hinder his ability to carry her properly, being soaked in blood and all. He wouldn't be able to keep her covered should he run into anyone either.

He paced for a quick second wondering what to do, then he decided to change her into a school robe, easy to create and covers completely. A quick spell later and the head girl was decent and he scooped her up into his arms. He took a quick look around to see if he could find her wand. Nowhere in sight and time being of the essence, he started the long walk back to the castle.

He was surprised at how light she was, how small and fragile she seemed in his arms. Blood still streaked her face and her hair was getting mud and blood all over his shirt and cloak. He looked down at the bundle in his arms and felt almost protective of her and held her a bit tighter.

_Wait, whoa where did that come from?_

This was still Granger, and he still didn't_ like_ her. He didn't despise her anymore, didn't believe in the whole mudblood nonsense his father spouted, but he didn't _care _for her. She had bested him in almost every subject except potions and that would always piss him off. She was still perfect bloody Granger, he reminded himself.

Looking down at the bundled wreck of a seventeen year old girl, he was forced to reconsider his name for her. She wasn't perfect any more. She was so far away from perfect right now it was nauseating.

Finally reaching the castle he headed towards the hospital wing. He was halfway there when she stirred in his arms. He paused and decided to set her down on the castle floor against the wall, afraid that he may be the object of her rage when she awoke he didn't want to be within striking distance. He stayed on her level, squatting in a way only a Malfoy could make graceful, but definitely more than a few feet away.

She stirred a few more times before her eyes fluttered open. He could see the confusion on her face clearly. The fear he saw in her eyes unmistakable as she took in her surroundings. She looked around carefully, eyes still wide but not looking directly at him. _Probably looking for her wand_, Draco thought.

He saw her turn almost to him but stopped and closed her eyes again. Heaving a huge breath after a moment she opened them and her eyes fell on Draco. He held still, worried any movement may scare her more. Before he could say or do anything she flung herself into his arms and began to sob, adding her tears to the many liquids rapidly ruining his favorite shirt. He almost toppled over from the force of her launch, not expecting that particular reaction from Granger.

Shaking off the surprise he battled with himself. On one hand, this was Granger and he should be pushing her away. On the other, here was a sad, broken girl who needed comfort and it didn't matter where it came from.

Making a quick decision he wrapped his arms around her, an act not normally befitting a Malfoy, and held awkwardly her while giant sobs wracked her tiny body. He would never know how long they sat there, awkwardly enveloped in their embrace, but it was long enough for him to get cramps in his calves and his shirt to be thoroughly ruined.

"Granger, any longer like this and I won't be of any use in getting you to the hospital wing." Draco said dryly, trying to remove the Gryffindor girl from his person. She stilled and then sprang away from him staring at him wide eyed with panic clear in her eyes.

"No." She scratched out. He couldn't believe his ears, had she just said no? Why wouldn't she want to go to the hospital wing? She cleared her throat and looked into his eyes, pleading, "No, please, n-no!" She was able to make out those few words with a little more force, but not much.

"You need help." He couldn't believe he had to explain this to the brightest witch in their age. "You need to be checked by Pomfrey and some serious mental counseling. You have cuts all over and Gods know what else and she may be able to help find who did this," He really didn't want to deal with this himself. He would cock up this big time if he tried, he was sure.

"Draco, please. T-take me back to the c-common room. I-I don't want anyone to s-see me like this." She scratched and stuttered, her nose running from her outburst of tears moments ago and voice shaky at best. "I-I don't want anyone to k-know. It is bad enough you've seen me…p-please. Don't take me to the h-hospital wing." She raised her hands to her face and pressed her palms to her eyes.

Draco didn't get much past the realization that she had called him by his first name. _That was new._ Something was definitely wrong with Granger, well more than usual. Maybe she did have a serious head injury. He spared another second to admit he liked how she said his name before he berated himself for allowing those thoughts, especially at a time like this.

"Granger, you need help. I'm taking you to the hospital wing," he said with finality, he leaned forward to pick her up and haul her to the hospital wing by force. Seeing his intent and his impatience she fought against him. The more he tried to subdue her, the more frantic she became.

Realizing what an utter idiot he was being, he stopped. Trying to force someone who was just raped and tortured into doing something they didn't want to do was ridiculous and best and just plain evil at worst. He took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly, knowing he was defeated but not liking it one bit. She was really trying his Malfoy pride tonight.

"Look, okay, Gra- er… Hermione. I'll take you to the common room. Think you can walk?" He asked with more gentleness than he thought he had, standing and holding out is hand for her to take. If she had used his first name, then maybe he would get through to her that he wasn't a threat, even though he was acting like one, by using hers. It tasted funny on his tongue but it didn't burn as he'd once thought it would. He wasn't sure when his animosity for the girl had left but he didn't seem to have the same need to want to bite and hurt her with his words as he usually did.

_Probably when you saw her broken, bruised and bloodied you dolt,_ he scolded himself. He was finding that he was in fact worried about upsetting her more than she already was. That thought held a good portion of fear behind it for him as well. He'd examine those thoughts later though, pressing matters needed to be tended to first.

"I-I think so. I hurt all over but I s-should be okay. Can I…can I hold on to you for support though?" She asked quietly. He gave her a rare half smile and offered his arm to her. _Please don't let there be anyone in the hallway, I'll never be able to explain this in a million millennia if we are seen, _he thought to himself. Thankfully, no one interrupted their long tediously slow walk to their common room. Once safely behind the portrait, Draco mentally relaxed a bit.

**-HG-**

The first thing Hermione noticed was that she wasn't in the greenhouse anymore. The smell of dirt and the fragrances from the plants was no longer there. What scared her most was she was moving. Cracking her lids a fraction she took note that she was inside the castle. _At least someone can hear me scream now_, she thought a tad morbidly. Then a chill ran up her spine, what hair that wasn't coated in blood stood on end. _What if whoever is doing this to me is taking me somewhere no one can find me? No, he wouldn't go into the castle if that were his intention,_ she reasoned.

Taking stalk of her state, she could feel small pinpricks of pain over the entire expanse of her body. Her every nerve from her head to her toes was on full alert and shot fire through her body with every small jostle. She tried to tell whatever was moving her to stop but her throat was so dry and hoarse from screaming and crying that all that came out was a faint moan of pain.

For a brief second she thought she had made out intelligible words because whoever or whatever was moving had stopped. Blessedly thankful for the cessation of movement she let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding in. Unfortunately, her reprieve didn't last long as the person, yes it was a person from the hands shifting their hold on her, was moving to set her down on the stone floor. She groaned in protest but had no remaining energy to fight off whoever had set her down.

Her head was gently laid against the cool wall; she winced as her body weight rested fully on her sore and torn legs and almost cried out at the pain she felt in her pelvis from the added pressure. She needed to see her surroundings, see who her rescuer was and try to gather up any amount of self dignity she could salvage. Somewhere inside she grabbed onto her Gryffindor courage, small as it may be and held on tightly.

Hermione opened her eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the light, however dim it may have been, it still hurt when she opened them fully. Peering around she had been correct, she was in the castle. If the map of the castle was still sound in her memory she was almost halfway to the hospital wing now.

Panic gripped her. _Gods I can't let anyone see me like this! It's horrible enough that whoever carried me here saw what happened, what I must have looked like, what I look like now…I can't let anyone else know. How disappointed in me they would be! I'm supposed to be the brightest witch of this age and I allowed myself to be raped and tortured without a sound, without a fight! No, no one but me and whoever…who did rescue me?_ She stopped with her assessment of where she was to look upon her savior.

Turning around slightly, where she knew the person still was, she was frozen by a fearful thought and closed her eyes quickly. _What if it is him? I wouldn't know I only heard his voice! I'll make whoever this is say something first, then I'll be okay, right?_ She tried to slide as quickly as possible back into the cool levelheaded Gryffindor she was.

She tried to speak again, but nothing came out so she resolved to see who it was first, ask questions later. A large breath later she steeled herself for who she might see. Opening her eyes she looked at her companion. _Bloody hell! It is Draco Bloody Malfoy! How…how horrifying,_ she felt more vulnerable than ever. _But,_ her mind raced, _I _know_ that whoever did this to me was _not _Malfoy. I'd know his voice anywhere, so at least I'm safe for now. Gods, it had to be him though?_

She would have to examine that thought later, Malfoy and safe were not two words normally brought together. The shear relief from knowing she wasn't in danger broke her resolve to stay strong. She crumbled into the only safe person in the world at that moment, the devil be damned if it had to be Draco Malfoy, she'd take him if that was all she had.

Hermione held on for deal life as her sobs shook her sore body. Each wretch caused a sharp intake of breath at the pain it caused. The only thing she could think about was that she was safe for now. Malfoy hadn't hurt her, he had saved her. He wasn't making snide comments about her appearance, or pointing out the irony of the mud and blood on her body. Vaguely she noticed that she wasn't in her striped clothing any longer, but in a robe much like her own school robes. _He may be a prat but…but he found me and didn't leave me. He even changed my clothes so I wouldn't be exposed to everyone around. This is so bizarre but I'll take it._

"Granger, any longer like this and I won't be of any use in getting you to the hospital wing." She stilled and determination set in again. No, she wasn't going to the hospital wing. Malfoy was in Advanced Healing with her, between the two of them they could heal her cuts and scrapes. No one needed to know what happened, _ever_. She could feel him trying to disentangle himself from her body and she pushed him away, needing to make clear to him that she was fine; she was just bloody fine and didn't need to go to the hospital wing.

"No," she scratched out. Merlin her throat was sore. She tried again, "No, please, n-no." It came out a little better sounding but she realized now she was stuttering. _Gees, who am I, Neville? _

"You need help." He sounded firm but she would make him see otherwise, she had to. "You need to be checked by Pomfrey and some serious mental counseling for sure. You have cuts all over and Gods know what else and she may be able to help find who did this," She could understand his conclusion. It made sense probably to everyone else in the world, but it terrified her beyond reason. How was she supposed to live up to everyone's expectations if they knew how easy it was to destroy her very being? The brightest witch of this age and she couldn't take care of herself. No she couldn't allow anyone else to know about this…this _incident_.

"Draco, please," she pleaded desperately through her hoarse voice. His first name rolled off her tongue easier than she thought. "T-take me back to the c-common room. I-I don't want anyone to s-see me like this." She was still sniffling and stuttering but it was coming out a bit clearer with each try. Hermione pondered her use of his first name and the reaction from the blonde. If addressing him by his first name instead of the normal surname would make him change his mind, then Draco he was. She pressed on bravely, hoping to hell this would change his mind.

"I-I don't want anyone to k-know. It is bad enough you've seen me like this…p-please. Don't take me to the h-hospital wing." She raised her hands to her face and pressed her palms to her eyes. She would fight him if it came to it. _There's some hilarity, Hermione. You'll fight with the person trying to help you but won't lift a finger to the person who tortured and raped you._ She scoffed at herself._ A bloody fucking pathetic witch you are, _sneered voice from deep inside her, oddly it sounded a bit like Professor Snape.

"Granger, you need help. I'm taking you to the hospital wing." There was a hint of finality in his words and that scared her. Hermione really didn't want to have to fight him off. She really didn't have the strength any longer. _Please, Draco, please_, she begged in her mind_. How will I make you see? How can I make you change your mind about the Hospital Wing?_ _I can't go there, I _won't_ go there!_

If she saw Pomfrey, the whole school would know within a day. She couldn't take the chance. What would Harry and Ron say? They would be so disappointed in her, after pushing them to take care to learn defensive spells and she didn't even get one off? She couldn't imagine seeing them disgusted with her, and that's how they'd be.

Her thoughts halted however when he reached for her. Suddenly and rudely thrown back to the greenhouse with her attacker, Hermione's body did the only thing it could think of. It fought back.

She pawed and struck, kicked and pushed him away with everything she had. Perhaps it was that her body knew who it was fighting, perhaps she was subconsciously choosing Malfoy as a safe place to release her pent up rage for her attacker, she didn't know. But she fought him, and the more he tried to still her, the more force she struck out with. _I'll be damned to the deepest realm of Hell before I give up this fight. This, I can win. This, I won't back down on._ She set her jaw and threw every last bit of strength left into fighting the equally stubborn blonde.

At last he stopped fighting her. A small spark in her lit and shone ever so faintly and Hermione wondered when that fire had been extinguished. She had fought back and won. She looked up at the pale boy, whose eyes had clouded over into something she couldn't read.

"Look, okay, Gra- er… Hermione. I'll take you to the common room. Think you can walk?" Relief flooded through her veins, calming her fear down to a manageable level. Could she walk? Probably not, but she would do her damndest to hide that from him. No need to add to his verbal assault arsenal when he inevitably turns back into the old Malfoy. _Maybe though, maybe just an arm to lean on_? Yea, then at least he wasn't carrying her.

"I-I think so. I hurt all over but I s-should be okay. Can I…can I hold on to you for support though?" She hated having to ask that, but she was also afraid he would leave her and she wasn't really sure she could make it on her own. What if she fell? What if _he_ came back? No, as much as she hated to admit it, she needed him to stay with her, if only just back to the common room. She smiled when he held out his hand for her to take. _Finally!_ She cheered. _Now we just need to make it back to the room without being seen._

Her prayers were answered for once that night. Safely behind the portrait and gently set on the couch, Hermione relaxed slightly and took complete stock of her state of being. She was filthy, covered in dirt and mud and blood. Her head ached and had a nice goose egg where he had repeatedly slammed it into the ground. Her body protested even breathing because with any movement the cuts were torn open again. She felt drained both mentally and physically. She felt dirty, inside and out.

All she could think about, now that she was safe, was what he had done to her, what he had felt like inside her. Her innocence had been stolen away without as much as a 'by your leave' from him. She was ruined goods, broken in every way possible. He'd done exactly what he had set out to do, and she hadn't done anything to stop it from happening.

After a while a cup of tea materialized in front of her and she the offering. She thanked him with a forced smile and a nod. She took the cup but didn't drink it. Oh she knew her aching throat would love the tea, but somehow it felt wrong to accept help now that she was thinking about how utterly useless she had been to helping herself. _Why should someone take care of you, when you can't even take care of yourself_, the voice resembling Snape sneered again.

A choked sob slipped before she could rein it back in and she quickly found herself breaking down, piece by piece. It was all so much to take in, to deal with.

Too much.

Sobs wracked her body again, only this time there was no one and nothing to hold on to. Draco had disappeared, she noted through blurry eyes. _Who could blame him? He wouldn't want to be saddled with such a useless bumbling girl like you would he? He can take care of himself, why can't you?_ She cried harder, the voice was so evil sounding. It had changed, sounding like her attacker now. Hearing his cold voice again made her pause in her crying and her skin began to crawl.

Hermione looked down at her hands, filthy. Every bit of her was filthy. She needed to get it off.

Now!

She hurried as fast as her body would let her towards the bathroom. She turned the tap as hot as it would go. She would burn him off her, scrub until every skin cell he touched was gone. Hermione quickly shed her robe and choked back another sob at the sight of her body. She needed her wand so she could heal herself. But her wand was somewhere in the depths of the forest. Another cry escaped, this time for her lost wand.

She slipped into the spray, immediately cringing at the heat from the water. She scrubbed and she scrubbed with the sweetest smelling soap and the roughest loufa she could find. She thanked Hogwarts for always being stocked with the necessities.

Hermione was still scrubbing away when she heard the door to the bathroom slide open. Freezing in her task she shrank down against the wall of the shower, bringing her knees to her chest her head still bent under the spray. Draco may have seen her naked once, but that was one too many times.

"Gr- Hermione…I-uh- I transfigured some sheets into a t-shirt and pants. I guessed your size. Are you…are you, you know, okay? Do you need anything?" He seemed nervous as he spoke through the door crack. _Of course he's nervous; you break down into tears every time he speaks you weak excuse for a witch. He has to take care of you like a bloody child. _The voice burned her soul and made tears sting her eyes yet again.

"Thank you, I'm almost done," she was speaking smoother now, the steam from the shower helping the dryness in her throat. "Just leave them on the floor by the door. I'll be out in a bit." She heard a small hum, probably meant to be in agreement with her wishes and the door clicked shut. Sighing out a deep breath she set back to scrubbing everything off her body.

The water had turned cold and she was still scrubbing. Tears were free flowing now. Every time she thought her skin was clean, it would crawl again. She could all but see him crawling under the skin, laughing at her vain attempts to free herself from his grip.

He was so ingrained into her, his evil laugh, the way he had held her down, she couldn't fight it. She couldn't fight knowing he was everywhere in her, seeping back into her system just by the memories. She scrubbed and cried, but nothing helped expel him from her body, inside or out.

**-DM-**

That was how Draco found her. After much too long of a shower, even by his standards, he decided he should check on her. It had been almost an hour since bringing in her clothes. _What in bloody blue blazes is she doing in there?_ He had groaned to himself, when did rescuing Hermione Granger become his job?

He opened the door slowly, as he had before and he was met with the sound of her crying…again. Pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, he sighed deep and long.

"Granger, I'm sure water is cold now; it's time to get out. Don't make me drag you out of there." His nervousness was gone, replaced by exhaustion and irritation. Hoping she would get the hint that he wasn't kidding around, he waited for the water to turn off. When she didn't respond and the water remained running, he grew impatient and mildly worried.

"I have my eyes closed, but since you won't get out on your own I'm going to have to turn the bloody water off myself." He crossed the bathroom with his eyes mostly shut, open just enough to make his way to the shower safely. Reaching in he shut off the shower, the freezing water grazed his hand and he pulled away from it quickly. _There must be no hot water left in the castle for it to be that cold_.

"He won't leave," she whispered. He didn't understand who wouldn't leave? It was just them. He reached for the towel on the wall across from him. Definitely out of his league in this.

"Here, Gra- Hermione." Her first name still stuck in his throat, old habits and all. "Dry off and get dressed. You're going to end up sick if you stay in there, if you aren't already." He held it out for her to take. She didn't. He huffed, "bloody hell, Granger, take the ruddy towel and dry off. I'm standing with my eyes closed holding it for you like a lunatic. I'm trying to help, at least have the decency to take it." When there was no movement he got really worried. Worried enough he opened his eyes and then promptly wished he hadn't.

She needed to stop presenting herself like this to him.

Hermione was covered in bright red blood again, the dirt and filth from earlier was gone, but fresh blood seeped from every cut on her body. Her skin was red from head to toe, as she had scrubbed it bloody and seemed intent on continuing her quest to not have any skin left. Even with the water off she continued scraping at a red spot on the underside of her wrist. Whatever had been there was long gone and fresh red blood was seeping up out of the cut she kept reopening.

Draco grabbed the loufa from her hands. He hadn't known what else to do. Talking didn't get a reaction from her…man he was in way over his head. She needed help, and not the kind of help he could give. Tears still trickled down her cheeks but the sobbing had ceased. No muscle in her body moved after he took her tool away. Eventually she did manage to look up at him. Brown sunken and haunted eyes looked at unsteady grey before she turned her gaze away back to the spot she was picking at.

"He won't go away. He's still here…everywhere…on me…_in me._" His breath was taken away by how hollow her eyes were, how shattered she looked and now hopeless she sounded. He needed help, _she_ needed help. But how, who? She didn't want anyone to know, how could he betray that kind of trust when she was already broken possibly beyond repair?

"Hermione, please, let me take you to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey will know how to help you. I…I don't know how to help you," he admitted carefully. He didn't want to set her off again but this couldn't go on. She was bleeding by her own hands now for Merlin's sake. He took note of how unresponsive she was. Nothing moved around them. He wasn't sure she even breathed.

Slowly, she looked back to him. Hollow brown eyes met pleading steel grey again and they looked at each other for another brief moment. Then she changed, her eyes became hard, she pulled herself together, shoulders set before she spoke softly but firmly.

"I do not need any further assistance," she seemed to have made her mind about how to handle everything by the tone in her voice, "thank you for your help but I will take it from here. I do not wish to burden you with my problems any longer. Please though, as a deepest favor to me, please do not tell anyone about this. If you have to, should the occasion ever arise that you have need to speak of this_ incident_," she spat that out like it was a disease not worth mentioning, "leave my name out. I do not need help, and I certainly do not need pity from anyone. Can I have your word, as a Malfoy, that you will honor my wishes? If you want, I will owe you a wizard's debt in exchange for your silence."

She held his gaze, and if she weren't bleeding, wet and cowering in a bathtub, he may have been a bit scared at how chillingly calm she was after all that had happened. But the fact was, she _was_ bleeding and she _was_ wet and she _was_ cowering in a bathtub. Hermione Granger was being…well being a Malfoy in some sense. When unable to get what you want the first time, negotiate and show no fear. It was how he had always achieved what he wanted. _Props to Granger_, he smirked mentally.

But this was his game she was playing now. He would make sure that she felt secure and not promise anything in stone. He would leave her comforted while he himself was not truly sworn to anything. That was one trait he was glad to have learned from his father. Possibly the only good one but there it was.

"There will be no need for a wizard's debt, Ms. Granger." He donned his most official voice he could come up with given the circumstances. He opted for even formality with her name, to solidify this as more of a business transaction than an emotional one. Definitely not emotional. Merlin be with him on this decision. This could be a total cluster-fuck if he did this wrong.

"However, there still stands the problem of you needing help and being unwilling to seek it. I propose this. I promise, on my name as a Malfoy, not to tell anyone that you were the one this _incident_ tonight happened to." He used the same emphasis she used but left out the disgust that had riddled her tone. "I promise, on my name as a Malfoy, to help you through this, to the best of my ability, until which time you feel comfortable finding someone else to help you or I deem you fit enough to take care of yourself. This promise however, makes the need to speak with others a necessity at times so I cannot promise to never speak of the _incident _tonight, but as I said before I will not _tell_ anyone that it was you whom this happened to. Do we have an agreement?"

He had thought out his words carefully. He couldn't –tell- anyone it was she but that didn't mean they couldn't guess, and more importantly that didn't mean he couldn't agree with their assumption. He was fully able to seek help should he need it, and oh bugger would he need it. He also could stop his help whenever he wanted. _Why though_, he asked himself, _why am I promising any of this in the first place? I owe her nothing. I don't have feelings for her, so why do I feel the need to take care of her all of a sudden?_ Thoughts for a later date he decided, what was done was done. No going back now.

She seemed to mull it over for a while. While she did so, he draped the towel around her shoulders and moved to exit the bathroom. He turned and faced her again, this time he let the worry show on his face.

"Think it over while you dry off. I promised to help you get through this, not bring you soup when you get sick from the cold. I'll be just outside, you have ten minutes to be out there or I'm dragging you out kicking and screaming." With that he left, swinging the door shut behind him firmly, giving her no time to argue.

It was almost the full ten minutes before the brunette slid out of the bathroom quietly. He had lit the fire and the room was toasty warm. A blanket was laid by the side of the couch, clearly there for her when she sat down. She did as he silently told her to do, and he tucked the blanket around her, staving off any further chill that may reach her. When he promised something, he followed through with it, nothing half way. Granted she hadn't agreed yet but he could see in her eyes that she already had.

"So, Ms. Granger, do we have an agreement?" He asked quietly but with the same no nonsense tone to his words. She looked over to the fire, unwilling to look him in the eye again. Draco could see how tired she was. In one night she had aged considerably. Although the dirt and grime was gone from her shower, he could still see it clear as day in his mind.

"We do, Mr. Malfoy," she had adopted the same no nonsense, business like manor as he had. "You promise to not tell anyone it was I who this…incident, as we are calling it, happened to. You also promise to help me to the best of your ability, getting help when needed, not telling who you are helping I remind you again, until either I find someone else to help or you deem me well enough to continue on my own. Yes?" He smiled, a business smile that to anyone else would send a chill up their spine, but to Hermione, it was all she needed to see. Her secret was safe and that was all she cared about.

"Agreed. I'm going to heal what I can and then you go and get some sleep, right? Lay down," he motioned to the long couch she was curled on already. She scooted down so she was now laying flat. Brown eyes met grey for another moment and everything was still. Draco could see her brown eyes silently begging him not to hurt her. His head nodded just a fraction and she closed her eyes slowly. Healing was nasty business he knew; this would not be pain free for her.

He made quick work of the scraps and cuts riddling her body, noticing her steeled expression letting out no hint of the pain he knew it caused. Draco took care and worked slowly with her head wound. He didn't know how deep it was, and they hadn't learned brain injuries yet. He would have to hope nothing internal was damaged and that his simple spells would be enough for her for now. When her body was cleared of all visible evidence, he lowered his wand and she opened her eyes again.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't mention it," he shrugged it off and then paused. "No really, don't mention it. Ever." His trademark smirk letting on that he wasn't ashamed or anything. He was just trying to keep some sense of normalcy between the two of them. Somehow it seemed to comfort them both as she cracked the smallest smile he'd ever seen.

"I made some more tea, hot tea with…uh lavender to help you sleep. You'll need to drink the whole glass so you get some semblance of rest, yea?" She nodded quietly, looking away from him no fight left in her soul.

"As for classes, I will let the professors know tomorrow that you are ill, that you sent me a message through the message box here to let them know that you won't be at classes on Monday. If you want I can take you to your rooms in the morning, but for tonight you stay here where I can watch over you. Sound good?" He had had a lot of time to think about possible outcomes of the night, this being the most optimum outcome.

She nodded in agreement and took the offered tea. What he didn't tell her was that he had put in some dreamless sleep potion so she wouldn't be plagued by reliving her nightmare all night.

She sipped the tea slowly, staring into the fire, the silence and the knowledge of her secret held safe in him allowed her to fall quickly into a dreamless sleep. The dreamless sleep potion he slipped in it helped as well. He gently picked up her small frame and laid her on the bed in the bedroom. Pulling the covers across her he left the room silently. He left the door open just a crack…_just in case,_ he thought quickly.

With only one last thing to do, he headed out to the portrait guarding their room. He told the maiden and her unicorn to not allow anyone other than Hermione and himself inside until further notice. He explained that something had come up which he wasn't allow to speak of but that it needed secrecy at its most potent form.

She agreed reluctantly, reminding him that if an emergency were to happen in the castle or the Headmaster himself were to come, she would be forced to allow access. He nodded politely to her warning and went back into the room. It didn't do well to argue or be rude to the portraits.

He transfigured the couch, spelling the cushions wider and the armrest to better fit for pillows and he too crawled into the make-shift bed. He loved transfiguration. It made achieving what he wanted easier and quicker. He would only get a short nap though as he needed to get up soon to transfer rooms, get himself ready for the day, eat breakfast and make her excuses for her. So on and so forth. He set his wand to an alarm vibrate.

_This is going to be a long school year,_ he thought as he tucked his wand under his pillow and he too drifted off to sleep.

a/n: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I danced around my bedroom and grinned at each one. My husband thinks I've gone crazy, maybe I have. Anyway thank you thank you thank you!

Also, no I won't be repeating conversations all the time. Sometimes it's necessary to understand both sides of the story. It's exhausting writing the same scene twice so it won't happen often! Updates won't be regular, as soon as I get a chapter done and happy with it I'll post it. My daughter makes a schedule damn near impossible but I'll try my hardest for quick updates for you guys!

Please continue to read and review! They give me such inspiration and drive. It's wonderful to write and create for my own happiness, but it's absolutely beautiful to write and create for the enjoyment of others.


	3. No Really, I'm Fine

**Chapter 3: No really, I'm fine**

Warnings: Mentions of rape and foul language

**-DM-**

The sun shining through the large windows and his vibrating pillow woke a very grumpy Draco, who without opening his eyes flipped the pillow over his head silenced his wand and groaned. He wished over and over that last night had just been a dream. Convincing himself that it had been, he poked his head out from under the pillow. _Fuck_, he sighed as he let the fact that he was in their common room sink in.

It hadn't been a dream.

He had a lot to do this morning, starting with moving Granger to her dorm. It was too risky keeping her here, even with his explicit instructions to the lovely maiden portrait. She would also be more comfortable and maybe willing to talk to him if she were surrounded by familiar and safe things. He knew he would be, even though he still wouldn't talk. Malfoys don't talk.

He stretched out his long arms and legs, feeling the delightful pull on his stiff muscles. For a brief moment he contemplated just turning over and going back to sleep. Surely he deserved it after the night he'd had. But sleep was not in the head boy's future today. Too many things he had to do.

_Why did I burden myself with this again?_ He asked pensively. _I mean, I owe her nothing, why do I feel like I have to make it all better?_ What's done was done and he couldn't take it back now, even if he wanted to…which he had the strangest feeling that he didn't.

_Okay, first thing…shower._ He groaned and grumbled all the way to the dinky shower the common room bathroom held and turned the water as hot as he dared. Undressing and stepping under the spray he allowed himself to think about what the next few…what? Few days? Few weeks? Months? Years? _No, definitely not years._ He scowled at the thought and firmed his decision there. She would not be leaning on him and having him take care of her after Hogwarts. No, that was definitely not going to happen.

_And what of her boy toys, Harry savior Potter and the hot head Ronald Weasley? Surely they will notice her being off; at the very least they will notice her not being in classes tomorrow, and absent today. The staff and prefects can be fooled, at least for a little while. But those two will be all over her, and subsequently me. Bloody hell how am I suppose to keep myself sane and rational with those two blunder heads banging down her door every day?_

He let that thought mull over, looking for a solution and finding none. He continued with washing and rinsing his hair with some deplorable blend of shampoo the school provided. His hair would be a pain in the arse today. It took a special mixture of herbs and oils in his shampoo and conditioner to get his hair to lay straight and still be silky soft. Glamour charms would have to suffice this morning, even though they made his hair stiff and gritty.

Draco cleaned up the rest of his body with the soap provided he as he plotted out his day. First, get Granger back into her rooms. Second, get her portrait guardian to agree to the same terms their maiden had agreed to, effectively eliminating Potter and Weasley for at least a couple days. Third, have her write the note that she was sick, and then take it to McGonagall and pretend for it to be a huge burden. _I guess I'll have to wing it from there_, he mused to himself. He would have to check in on Granger, if he did his calculations right he should be able to get back to her rooms and give her some more draught before she becomes too panicked, or even worse, think she can handle people.

Draco didn't have a lot of experience with rape victims, okay he had none. But it wasn't a far stretch to understand that they would be jumpy around people, especially hundreds of students who can't see two inches past their nose when walking the halls. No, it would be much safer and less taxing on Draco's sanity to keep Granger confined to her rooms for a couple days. He just hoped the quote he'd had to learn in Muggle Studies first year, "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry," didn't apply to his plans for today.

Turning off the water he quickly dried off and redressed in last nights clothes _after_ casting a strong _scourgify_ on them in hopes of not contaminating himself again with the grime from the previous night. _Perhaps a quick dash to my rooms for clean clothes would be good,_ he admitted plainly. With a quick nod he exited the bathroom.

Granger was still asleep in the spare room. He had given her enough draught to last a few hours. He would be cutting it close to that time period of it wearing completely off if he was to go to his rooms first. Sighing, he resolved himself to take care of his attire _after_ taking her to her rooms. _You'd better appreciate the sacrifices I'm making for you, Granger._

He walked into the spare room and just looked at her for a second. Asleep she didn't seem so broken and haunted as she did while awake and stronger than she looked huddled in the shower. He grimaced as the memories of the night before replayed like a snap shot photo album, only the pictures didn't move and he got nauseous thinking about them. The worst picture, the one that kept replaying over and over, was the scene he came upon when he found her. Unconscious, broken, bleeding, and with no dignity left.

"Gods, Granger, how are you even still alive?" He barely whispered out loud. At the sound of his voice she started, but didn't wake. _The drug must have already worn off_, he thought. Her peaceful face turned sour, her eyebrows furrowing and her lips began to tremble. The blond boy couldn't look away and felt helpless to stop what he knew was only the start of her dreams or rather nightmares.

The brunette began to shake and soft whimpers escaped her lips. He stared, wondering what to do. He hated being awoken from a bad dream, it left him cold and sweaty and the rest of his day he spent looking over his shoulder as if his dream would come true. But this really, at least so he thought, wasn't a dream. The sleeping girl was probably reliving her real life nightmare. How could he just let her relive it when he could help her by waking her? He couldn't have helped her the first time, but he could help her now.

Placing a hand on her shoulder he jostled her lightly, hoping to wake her softly. Unfortunately all that achieved was a small screech from the girl's lips and a frantic wave of her hand at him. Deciding enough was enough, that she needed to wake up before her dream got worse, he shook her shoulders hard, biting out her last name sharply. With one last gasp her eyes shot open and she looked around frantically, instinctively looking and reaching for her wand to defend herself with.

"It's okay, Granger, it's just me," Draco said softly, his hands up in surrender and leaning out of the wild haired girl's reach. She took note of where she was and calmed. Looking up at him he could tell that even though she had been under the effects of the draught, she wasn't at all rested. Dark, heavy bags hung from her eyes from her trauma the night before. Her skin was cleared of the cuts but the scars of what had happened would, at least for a while, still mar her features.

"Malfoy…thank the Gods…" she relaxed for a moment but then tensed again. "I-uh…well…not that I had hoped it was you…I thought that maybe…after last night…I mean...what I mean to say is…I thought you were someone else," she stumbled out. He raised a blonde eyebrow in amusement.

Her deep brown eyes leveled with his grey and somewhere deep down inside the blonde, someone had let loose a baby bird, and it fluttered and flitted about in his gut most uncomfortably. Unsure about the new and odd feeling he backed away from the bed, giving him a chance to right himself mentally and he put on his trademark smirk to cover any trace of his uneasiness.

"Always this articulate in the morning, Granger?" _There balance restored,_ he thought smugly when a glare and a huff was the reply he received from the girl. Her lack of response showed him how tired the brunette really was. She flung the blankets off her and scooted to the edge of the bed, placing her feet on the floor she grimaced slightly. The floors were always cold and he noted she didn't have any socks or slippers to keep the chill away. About to conjure her something to help with the chill he froze at her words.

"You drugged me," she said tiredly, still looking at the floor.

_Bollocks._

"You wouldn't have slept without it," he shrugged, feigning indifference.

"You could have told me the truth, that wasn't just _lavender _in the tea it was dreamless sleep, you prat!" She glared into his eyes and he could see a spark of the old heat he was so use to in their brown depths.

"You wouldn't have taken it. I wouldn't have wanted to take it if I were in your situation." This was true; he wouldn't take it unless forced, but his pride stung with his confession.

When a person takes the potion, they sleep soundly and without haunting dreams while it is in their system. However, you are also rendered unable to be awoken unless by magical means until it wears off, leaving the person vulnerable to a slew of horrid and torturous acts by anyone who wishes to harm you.

"You're right, I wouldn't have. I didn't then, and I don't want it again, understand me?" He smirked at her. Oh, she would be taking it again, if he had to barter with a damn house elf to put it in her food, she would take it for as long as she needed it. He'd given her his word to take care of her, the Gods only know why he did so, but he would keep his word. It was all he had left after all.

"Ready to go?" He asked, ignoring her statement completely. He held out a hand out for her to hold on to for balance. Draco was sure that she would need all the help she could get if her limbs were even half as tired as her eyes showed. Heaving a large sigh she stood, determined to do it on her own, and ignored his offer. Her eyes went wide and she fell into him, unable to keep her balance when her legs couldn't maintain her weight and gave out.

"Graceful, Granger," he snarked, righting her quickly. He refused to acknowledge the brief seizure his gut had had when she'd fell into his arms.

"Bugger off." She backed away from him holding on to the post of the bed for support. "I just need to make it to my rooms and sleep this off. I'll be fine once I get sleep. Undisturbed, _un-drugged_, sleep." He watched with amusement as she tried out her legs again, only to have them buckle beneath her once more.

"Would you like some help?" his amusement sneaking its way into his voice.

"I'm fine," she snorted even as she gripped the post to keep from falling.

"Oh for the love of Merlin, Granger, just let me help you to your rooms. I have a busy day of making excuses _for you_, my own studies and head duties as well. So could we get a move on?" He was growing tired of her stubbornness.

"What if someone sees us?" She asked, a hint of fear sneaking into her voice. He looked back to her face and he saw the fear she had tried to keep inside. He groaned; this was not going to be as easy as he'd thought.

"I'll disillusion myself and you can use a bloody cane. If someone sees you, just tell them you twisted your ankle or some other rubbish. Can we go now?" She nodded and accepted his, again, offered hand.

Draco was surprised at how hard she had to lean on him. A small part of him wondered why she was _so_ weak. Yes she had been through a lot but he didn't think she would be this frail. Had he healed her wrong? Was her head injury worse than he thought? Were there more injuries underneath her skin, muscles torn or something he'd missed?

"Granger, are you sure you don't want to go to Pomfrey? I know what you said last night, but you're a lot weaker than I figured you would be and we haven't learned any deep healing spells, what if you have a brain injury or something?" He held her gaze calmly and watched anger and something else he didn't know what it was, flit over her face.

"No, I'm not going to the hospital wing. I'm fine, Malfoy, just tired from last night. If you hadn't _drugged_ me I probably wouldn't be as weak as I am now so stop asking me to go to Pomfrey. I'm not going, end of."

"Sure, okay Granger," he surrendered, "but don't come back and haunt me if you die from brain swelling or something." He walked her to the door, pulled his wand out and transfigured her school shoes to slippers. He cleaned the blood off them and fashioned a cane out of one of the many chairs in the room.

She tried out the cane and she seemed to be able to hold her own using it so he quickly disillusioned himself and they set off for her rooms. His hand rested on her back, reassuring her that he was still with her as well as keeping close to her in case she fell again. He hadn't a clue where her dorm was so she led them, at an achingly slow pace if he could have an opinion on the matter. _The quicker we get to her rooms the better_, he thought as he looked up and down hallways, looking for an early riser wandering the hallways.

Touching her wasn't as awful as he'd thought it would be. Once upon a time he'd have vomited just at the thought. How opinions and times change. Still, he shouldn't be enjoying the feel of her as much as he was. No, he needed to get her back to the dorm and put _a lot _of distance between them.

They turned into yet another corridor and ran right into their worse nightmare. _I'm going to kill Murphy and his bloody laws_, he snarled in his head, remembering yet another Muggle Studies lesson he'd been forced to learn, as he glared at the two idiots in front of him. _What the bloody hell are they doing up this early?_ Granger froze in front of him and he braced himself for the numerous possibilities that could unfold in the next few moments. He kept his hand on her back, letting her know she wasn't alone in this confrontation, that protective feeling from last night creeping up on him again.

"Harry. Ron. What are you doing up so early on a Sunday?"

**-HG-**

Hermione couldn't believe how rotten her luck was right now. Of the hundreds of students they could possibly have run into, the two they did were the two she _most_ didn't want to see right now. _Okay Hermione, put on your big girl knickers and an amazing poker face,_ she schooled herself. _Please don't let them see Malfoy._ She closed her eyes briefly sending out the silent prayer to whoever would listen. Pushing down her fear she smiled at them, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"Harry. Ron. What are you doing up so early on a Sunday?" She asked trying to sound casual, intrigued, and as normal as possible. Hermione pulled herself as straight as she could, Draco's hand following her back lightly. She bit the inside of her cheek and squeezed the handle of her cane when pain shot up her spine from the motion.

"Looking for you, we were supposed to meet up at this ungodly hour to make up that schedule for the NEWTs you keep pestering us about, 'member?" Harry replied sleepily. He followed his remark up with a large yawn, making Ron yawn as well. Neither boy seemed awake. She smiled, her boys were not morning people. She had forgotten about the study meeting. They were suppose to go over their schedules and set up study group times between all their classes, her duties and the boys' Quidditch schedule.

"Oh! Oh I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I…I fell asleep in the common room after writing out prefect duties last night. I overslept, I'm so sorry you guys got up early for naught." She was surprised at how easily the lie slipped off her tongue. She'd never lied to them before but it was oddly easy. "Why don't you get down to breakfast early and we can go over the schedule while eating? I'll only be a moment in my rooms."

She prayed they would buy it. She didn't know what she would do if they noticed how tired she was, if they started asking questions. She set her jaw firmly as fear began to creep its way back up at the thought of them taking her to the Hospital Wing.

By the Gods everything hurt though and it would be wonderful for her body to be healed completely. Draco had healed most of the cuts and scrapes but she hadn't told Draco about the tears inside her the man had caused, both intentionally and otherwise. He had laughed as he ripped her in two and had been so rough. She had been practically torn in two. It was excruciating to stand with her legs together, let alone walk but she was managing the best she could. She leaned more on the cane and banished the thoughts as far away as possible.

The boys shrugged, still mostly asleep. "Sure, whatever, see ya 'Mione" Ron mumbled and headed in the direction of the great hall, rubbing his eyes as he went. She almost let out a sigh of relief as the red head turned the corner, but then pressure on her back increased. She looked back and she noticed Harry hadn't followed. She knew he wasn't as easily pulled over as Ron was, but she had hoped. He was looking at her cane with a questioning expression.

"Hermione, you okay? It's not like you to forget about a study group, or really to forget anything for that matter. And why do you have that?" he asked, motioning to her cane. _Shit, Harry you choose today to notice anything beyond your nose this early in the morning? What God did I piss off?_

"I'm fine, Harry," she smiled, another lie formed quickly on her lips. "I slept on my ankle wrong last night when I fell asleep and it just hurts this morning. I was going back to my room to put some healing salve on it and thought a cane would help speed the process along. Nothing to worry about, go on and get breakfast. I'll be down in a bit." Harry seemed to hesitate and she prayed to anyone with any power over her fate that he would leave without a fuss.

"I could heal it for you," Harry replied shifting his weight between his two feet and eyeing her ankle carefully. Hermione huffed and could have sworn she heard Malfoy snort behind her. Sending the briefest of glares behind her she turned back with another false smile.

"No, really, I'm fine. Besides, you're rubbish at healing spells anyway. You know that." She smiled at him, again hoping he wouldn't see through the façade. _Please, Harry, just go._

Hermione hadn't prepared for it, and in hindsight, there wasn't anything she could have done to prevent it, but when Harry reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder gently she shot out of his reach as if burned. Somewhere inside she knew he was trying to be comforting, but she had shied away from him so quickly she didn't have time to rationalize with herself first. Hermione moved so quick she lost her balance and fell into Malfoy's hand who then guided her to the wall, probably to make it seem to the dark haired boy that the wall had caught her and not some invisible object. That would have taken some explaining.

"Gees, Hermione, I don't bite! Are you sure you're okay? Let me take you to the Hospital Wing." Harry's eyes had gone wide and he had pulled his hand away as if she was on fire. Hermione scolded herself and pushed her fear down mentally stomping it to smithereens, or so she hoped. She righted herself and subconsciously she noted the hand had returned to her back. She leaned into him to let him know she was thankful he was there.

_How bizarre. I'm leaning on Malfoy, my enemy for six years, for comfort and running away from Harry, one of my closest and best of friends. Can my life get any more confusing?_

"No, no I'm fine. Just…you just startled me. I don't think I am quite awake yet, really sleepy still, ya know? Maybe I'll go take a nap and meet you guys in the common room instead. I just need to balance out my sleeping and studying routines. I'm fine, Harry. Let Ron know I'm sorry for waking him up so early on a Sunday. I really am, sorry." She gave him the most sincere smile she could muster and he seemed to accept that either she was indeed fine or that she wasn't going to tell him what was wrong.

"Okay, well…see you later then 'Mione. Take care of your ankle first thing, or I will try to heal it. Never know what'll happen then," he winked at her and left her alone in the hallway. Well, as alone as he thought she was. Hermione leaned back into Malfoy's hand, and turned her head to him, pleading with her eyes for him not to say anything just yet. She couldn't handle it right at this moment. She was about to lose it completely.

"Best get going before someone else comes along," was all he said and pressed on her back gently. She obliged and they made it back to her room without anyone else seeing her.

When she reached her portrait she felt a sense of longing for things to be as they were. Her guardian was a young student studying away in a library overflowing with books; her hair covered her face at the moment as she was bent over a book as Hermione had found herself so many times before. The student looked up and smiled at Hermione, waiting patiently for her to recite the password.

"To acquire knowledge, one must study," Hermione said quietly, eyeing Malfoy, or at least where she thought he was, quickly. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to have access to her rooms, but supposed it was the only way to get help if she needed it. The student smiled warmly and nodded.

"But to acquire wisdom, one must observe, be well Hermione!" replied the girl and the portrait swung open.

Once the portrait had closed, Malfoy canceled his disillusion charm and he wandered around her rooms absently. She felt so exposed to him, he was in the one place she called hers. The one place she felt safe. She watched as he took in the room and worried her bottom lip, waiting for the snide remarks that would come from him. She busied herself with lighting the fire and making herself a cup of tea, not wanting him to have the upper hand and drug her again.

"They don't move," he remarked. When she turned around she noticed he was by the fireplace, looking at a picture of her and her parents taken this last summer. She smiled at the memory.

"No, it was taken by my cousin, muggle cousin, on our trip to America this past summer. We went all over, but that picture is at Yellowstone National Park, behind us is a geyser they named Old Faithful, because it is always erupting and shooting water thousands of feet in the air. It was a great time traveling and seeing America, especially now that the war is over." He looked genuinely interested in what she was saying, which struck her as odd. _Why would Malfoy care about some stupid geyser on a different continent?_

"Wonder if we could put Potter and Weasley in it and shoot them up in the air. Then they wouldn't be always underfoot," he muttered. She cracked a small smile at the image of them flying in the air, but it faded as quickly as it came.

"That's not nice," she muttered back at him. Like a tidal wave, exhaustion took over her body and she nearly didn't make it to the couch before she fell down. The last twelve hours were more than she could handle at that moment. She felt drained, she hurt everywhere, she wanted to cry but no tears came. She set down her tea cup and fell back into the couch.

"You need to sleep, Granger. Go get into something comfortable and get into bed. I'm going to talk to your student guard out there and make sure no one disturbs you right now." Malfoy turned towards the door and disappeared outside it. Hermione sighed and did as she was told, it wasn't worth the fight and she was tired. She leaned heavily on her cane as she made her way to her bedroom. She quickly changed into comfortable clothes and fell down into her bed. She was asleep before Malfoy even returned.

_She opened her eyes and looked around. Surely she wasn't awake yet, she'd only just fallen asleep. Everything was how she'd left it. Looking around the fire was still burning bright both in the sitting room, which she could see its glow from where she lay, and in her room along the far wall. 'Where is Draco' she thought. Movement caught her eye then. She started to smile, thinking he was bringing her the tea she'd just made herself._

"_Thank you, I forgo-"she was cut short by the figure coming out of the shadows. It wasn't Draco. It was _him. _He had no face but everything she'd seen of him was the same 'Oh Gods, please no! Please let me be dreaming! Please don't let him hurt me again!' she prayed._

"_Hello again, did you miss me?" She shrank away from him, as far into the bed as she could get. She couldn't run even if he wasn't blocking the door. Somehow the pain followed her into dreamland. Tears streaked down her cheeks._

"_Please don't, please don't do this again. Please," she pleaded with him. He laughed an awful evil laugh the same he'd used the night before._

"_But that's what you're good for mudblood. That's what you're breed to be, a dirty whore not good enough for anything more than a slave." He lunged for her and then a floating sensation came over her. She was no longer an active participant. She was watching him pin herself down._

_He held her arms above her head and sneered down at her when she tried to free herself. Her floating body screamed and yelled for someone to help, yelled at her own body to fight, but nothing came out. No sound. She was only watching what happened now, completely and utterly useless to even herself._

"_Don't fight, precious, you know the rules. I'll let you live if you're a good little slave, hmm?" Her floating body screamed for him to get away but silence remained. Only the whimpers from her body below and his maniacal laugh pierced the eerie quiet surrounding them._

_About to give up hope as he licked at her neck making both bodies shudder, she felt a tingling sensation at her naval. It pulled at her and for a moment she was too afraid to respond, but anything was better than where she was. The next time she felt the pull stronger and she let it rip her out of her living dream-hell._

**-DM-**

Draco exited the dorm and turned back to the student on the wall. He had memorized the phrase that was the password but he didn't know who else had it. Talking to the student was the only way he would be able to ensure Granger was left alone. He exited and allowed the portrait to close completely.

The student looked up at him and cocked her head to the side. She hadn't seen him enter with Hermione, where had he come from?

"What knowledge do you seek, friend?" The girl asked kindly. He guessed that she would respond well with studious and thought through answers and silently he wondered if this girl had been a Ravenclaw.

"I do not seek knowledge, but peace. My…friend," he choked out, "needs peace and quiet. Something happened last night which she needs to recover from and has requested no one to know the details. May I request you to hold all visitors, even ones with the pass-phrase, until further notice?" The portrait thought about it for a moment, her busy mind mulling his request over.

"I cannot accept your request, even thought it sounds dire. I serve Miss Granger, and as such, only take requests from her. If her orders concur with yours, then I will gladly hold everyone, except the Headmaster of course and if there's an emergency with the castle I will be required to open, but all else will be denied. Have Miss Granger talk with me and she will have her peace. I'm sorry, young sir; I know that is not the answer you sought."

Draco glared briefly at the portrait, he'd been afraid that would be her answer. Arguing would be futile, he knew that, but damn-it he didn't want to bother Granger with this. She needed to sleep, and this would only wake her further. Knowing defeat when he saw it, he nodded in acknowledgment.

"To acquire knowledge, one must study," he said impatiently, the portrait narrowed her eyes at him before she accepted the pass-phrase.

"But to acquire wisdom, one must observe, and believe me young sir, I'm observing always." He nodded again, accepting her words for what they were, a warning for him to watch his step. He was rather proud of the portrait, it takes guts to stand up to him, and even those who know him respect that he doesn't take warnings and threats easily.

Crossing the threshold into Granger's rooms his heart stopped beating for a moment. Screams came from her bedroom and he groaned aloud. _She couldn't have fallen asleep and started dreaming that fast could she?_Convincing his feet to move he hurried across the sitting room to where her bedroom was, and subsequently where her screams were coming from.

When he entered the room he noted she had changed like she had been told and was now on the bed. She was throwing her head side to side, her arms were pinned above her head by an unseen force and she was kicking out with her legs. Draco paled more than he'd ever thought possible and tried to push away the nausea that the brunette thrashing on the bed gave him. _My Gods, she's reliving it, truly reliving it_. Bile crept up and he swallowed it down.

"Granger, wake up!" He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took her by the shoulders and shook her. Hard. He braced himself for an attack but he didn't receive any, she just kept dreaming and screaming and crying. Draco shook her again, barking out her name above her screams.

"Damn-it, Granger, wake the fuck up!" Scared brown eyes shot open and wild limbs started to fight, striking and clawing at anything she could reach. Satisfied she was awake now, he leaned out of reach and let her reacquaint herself with her surroundings.

"Calm down, it's only me," he said softly, not wanting to frighten her more. He took hold of her arms, keeping them still and himself out of danger. Hermione's breathing came out hard and fast, and she trembled from head to toe. Tears were leaking down her cheeks, streaking them as they went.

Draco didn't know what to do, she was so scared but he couldn't comfort her like she needed. Malfoys don't touch beyond necessity. Malfoys don't show emotion or coddle. So what was he to do? She took his decision away from him when she flung herself into his body.

Draco froze, once more unsure. He noted that yet again his favorite shirt was being ruined by the brunette's tears. She cried into his chest, clinging to his shirt as if it were the only link to reality left for her. He allowed his arms to fall down to rest on her back. He wasn't hugging he assured himself, but it seemed to be all the girl needed.

She cried and he let her, for as long as she needed he would let her. Much later on he would pick this moment apart and wonder just why, exactly, he was allowing her to use him as a washable handkerchief. Right now, however, he just let her cry it all out. She did, for a long time, he'll never know how long precisely. She allowed the weight of everything that had happened fall off her shoulders and let it flop unceremoniously in his lap on a train of her tears.

Her sobs eventually slowed and the tears didn't fall as frequent. She still sniffled and he maneuvered his arm around her to pull his own handkerchief out of his pocket. He offered it to her silently and she took it, dabbing at her eyes first and then her nose. When she was done she balled it up in her hand instead of giving it back.

Another bird was let loose in his belly. _Damn-it all to hell_, he thought, he didn't have time for this new development with his body. He would have to take a long hard look at himself once he got away from the bushy haired girl and her emotional mess he'd gotten himself wrapped up so nicely in.

"Better?" he asked quietly. She nodded into his chest and pulled away, still holding on to his handkerchief and running her thumb over the silver embroidered M on the corner.

"Do you want to…you know… talk about it?" He didn't know if he wanted an answer or not. If her dream had been half as bad as what had happened to her the night before he was sure he didn't want to hear about it, but if she needed it, he would listen.

"No, I just…well maybe…he got in here and…he got past my guardian. How? She's supposed to keep people out and she just…she just let him in. He came out of the shadows while I was sleeping and pinned me down. It was like I was watching myself at a distance. I screamed at myself, to help myself ya know?" He nodded, that explained why her hands were above her head when he came in. She dreamed it so completely her body even reacted to it, playing it out itself.

"It was a dream, remember that," he encouraged. She sniffled and nodded but continued.

"But I couldn't hear anything come out. Just like before, and I screamed and yelled and cried out but there was no sound except his voice calling me a-a m-mudblood." He flinched at the word, somehow after seeing what he'd seen, the word held a different meaning, a different nastiness than it did before. The word had texture and grit behind it now. "He…he kept telling me how I deserve everything he does to me. He told me he was going to come back. He told me he wouldn't leave me alone. Oh what God did I anger to deserve this?"

She covered her face with both hands, he didn't know how she had tears left but somehow she did. Not knowing what else to do he pulled her back into his chest, just as before and let her cry it out, again._ Still not a hug_, his brain supplied.

"We can fix some of that," he said once she calmed down. He spoke into her wild hair and she listen quietly. "I've spoken to your guardian, she said if you tell her to not allow anyone besides the headmaster and myself in, she would not allow anyone to pass. Baring an emergency with the castle that is. She's bound to you in a way, by being your room guardian. She can't disobey once you two come to an agreement."

"But what if someone has the pass-phrase?" she sounded stronger. She still rubbed the hanky under her nose but the tears were dried. She was pulling herself together quicker than he thought.

"Not even then. At least do this for a couple days, 'til you pull yourself together. It'll make yours and my life easier if we don't have to worry about Pot Head and Weasel-bee stopping in." He grumbled as he remembered the two blockheads they ran into this morning. Truce or not, he was not thrilled about having to deal with the two hot heads while trying to fumble with caring for their other one-third.

"Don't call them that, but yes, I will talk with her." She scooted to the edge of the bed and made to do just that but lost her balance and fell into his lap. He glanced down amused at her consistent need to fall down on him, but when he looked into her eyes the birds flapped and his gut seized again.

The tears she'd shed made her skin puffy, but he saw past that into the depths of her eyes. He saw the determination, the fear, the sadness, and the longing for this to be some horrid nightmare that she would soon wake up from. He felt a chill run up his spine. There was no warmth there anymore. He was so use to firing her up, seeing her eyes narrow and her demeanor as hot as boiling lava when he goaded her just right. None of who she had once been was there now, and that, he thought to himself, was the scariest part of all.

"Let's go talk to her, then you will take another dreamless sleep so I can take care of other duties today. No argument." He noted that she paled another shade and he shook his head in frustration.

"Look, we're talking to your guardian right? No one can get in but me, right? Okay then you've nothing to worry about. Good sleep is what is going to help the most right now. So here we go," he nudged her out the door gently.

A few moments later, with her leaning on him and her cane, they were in front of her guard. The student seemed wary of Draco, but he held his ground. He kept a look out for anyone passing by but it seemed Granger's room was well off the beaten path.

"Could you…how did you say it, Malfoy? Could you not allow anyone but this man here to pass? His name is Draco Malfoy and I…I give him permission to enter but…just don't allow anyone else, even if they have the pass-phrase. Please." The portrait thought for a moment before nodding.

"I understand, Ms. Granger. You must understand that if an emergency happens, I will let anyone with the pass-phrase in and the Headmaster is never locked out of any room. Otherwise it will only be Mr. Malfoy to accompany you into your rooms. Be well, Hermione Granger, I like you and I like tending your door. Let me know when the restrictions can be lifted." She turned back to her book with a sad smile in the direction of her charge.

"Thank you, Daeira. One more thing…" The portrait looked up again. "Could you not talk to the other paintings about this request? I don't want anyone to know." Her guardian smiled and nodded in agreement.

"My lips are sealed, but my eyes are always open." he heard her whisper the last part. Hermione muttered the pass-phrase quietly and the door opened quickly without reply from her guard and she slipped inside silently. He followed her in and pulled out the vial from the night before.

"Well get into bed. I'll refresh your cup of tea. You are going to drink this and sleep. Got it?" He said leaving no room for argument. She didn't and allowed him to help her to her bedroom. He quickly reheated her cup and put in a good dose of the draught. He watched her drink it down and when she was fast asleep he slipped out of her room, nodding to Daeira on his way out.

"Do not hurt her, Mr. Malfoy. I am rather fond of her and I'll be burnt to ashes before I see her hurt behind my door, understood?"

"It is not I whom she should be protected from, my dear," he said dejectedly to the portrait, meaning clear in his voice for her to be attentive and not slack in her duties.

_Now for that change of clothes and…oh bloody hell she didn't write the note._

a/n: Hope you enjoyed it!

"Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Quote from: Of Mice and Men a novel written by Nobel Prize-winning author John Steinbeck. An amazing book and good movie. If you haven't seen/read it, you should!

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." Marilyn Vos Savant was listed in the 1985, _Guinness Book of World Records_ Highest IQ (Women) with a 190. She held that from 1986 to 1989. In 1988 she was inducted into the _Guinness Book of World Records Hall of Fame_.

Going to try and make Fridays my update days but no promises. A nasty cold snuck through our house, including the seven month old so it's been pretty miserable here but I found some time to write! Thank you to those who followed and favorited. Each time I see someone's done it I smile inside. Reviews make me dance though! And my daughter loves when I dance so…do it for her? She's awfully cute, and she giggles when I dance. Please? Review? No? For the babe then? Yes? Great, thanks!


	4. A Disappointment to All or Just One?

**Chapter 4: A Disappointment to All or Just One?**

**Warnings: Swearing, suicidal thoughts and attempt.**

a/n: Dragon School is the school Emma Watson was attending when she was cast for Hermione. Coincidence? I think not, clearly the fates wanted them together from the start :P On with the story!

**-HG- **

Hermione awoke to the sound of the fire crackling softly and the room pleasantly warm. The fire cast shadows on the wall but she could just barely see the shapes it made. Her eyes were bleary and her head was full of cobwebs. She snuggled further under the blankets, taking refuge in their enveloping warmth. She looked up at the ceiling and tried to focus on the dance of the flames.

She blinked a few times and shook her head side to side waiting for the fog to lift. She'd had a dreamless sleep like the potion ensured she would. Her body felt better but this time it was her mind that screamed in agony. The events of the night before and her actions hit her like a train wreck and she tried to focus on something else, anything else. She needed to heal herself at least; maybe if she could physically feel better her mind would right itself on its own.

All she felt now was the feeling of scritch in her throat, the hot fire of ripped flesh between her legs and a brilliant mind shattered by memories. Memories of things only seen in nightmares and horror movies that had played out like some sick fantasy for him. The only feeling her body had now was the feeling of him inside her, searing pain with each flick of his wrist as he bled her out into the dirt. The terrible voice telling her to be silent or he'd come back, telling her he'd kill her friends and come back for her over and over. How he'd laughed at how defenseless she was against him. He'd taken her wand…no not taken, she'd handed it over just like he'd wanted her to.

_My wand. _

Sadness overwhelmed her. She'd been so proud the day she found out she was a witch. Not only did it make sense of all the strange things that had happened as a child but it had given her a sense of being. A reason for her incessant need for knowledge but her inability to quench it. No longer was she Hermione Granger, the picked on, nerdy bushy haired book freak of Dragon School Prep. She was no longer strange or weird. She was a witch and she had magical powers and her wand…her wand had been proof of that transformation.

Now it was gone.

She remembered how it felt that day in Diagon Alley. She remembered the warmth and the tingling sensations that had surrounded her when the wand chose her. Her of all people! She'd been accepted by something so strong, so pure that she'd vowed that day not to ever fail that precious gift. She would protect and honor and do right by her blessing.

_But that wasn't exactly what had happened last night,_ her thoughts turned sour again. Self loathing and shame sunk into her pores and coursed her veins and a bitter taste entered her mouth.

She had failed her wand.

She had failed her magic.

She had failed as a witch, as a woman.

She had failed everyone and there was no one to blame but herself.

No, that wasn't completely true. She could blame _him_. He had stolen everything from her. Everything important was gone. But she hadn't done anything to stop him had she? So that left her alone to shoulder the shame of what had happened.

Sure he'd taken her wand, her voice, her innocence and her very sense of self. He'd taken all of that from her and he'd smiled while doing so. But how could she just _let_ him do it? Let him rape her without a word, without a fight? Sure she'd been scared, sure he'd threatened her but that was no excuse. She'd thought of herself as a brilliant witch, but he'd shown her otherwise. She was nothing but a cowardly nobody not worthy of the gift she'd been given.

_That's not true, child._ Someone sounding a lot like her mother argued inside her mind, but she was so lost in her shame and sorrow it never registered. She never felt her own mind battling against the dark emotions surrounding her. She just simply let her sadness envelope her like the blankets she was cowering in.

She wasn't worth anyone's time now. Malfoy would be glad to be rid of her she was sure.

Draco Malfoy.

Now there was a conundrum if she'd ever seen one. He had been a different person since he found her. He'd offered to keep her secret, but that was probably only because he'd been backed into a corner at the time. She didn't understand why he'd agreed to help, especially without anything in return. She'd offered the wizard's debt as a plea bargain but he didn't want it. Odd. Why had he basically demanded her to accept his help when she'd refused to find anyone else? He didn't care about her, she knew that, so why?

Malfoy owed her nothing and he was never one to be in a position such as he found himself in now. Caring after someone. _That must taste sour in his mouth,_ she humorlessly thought. He was selfish. He was manipulative. Even though he'd renounced his father, that didn't mean he was all of a sudden a saint. No, he had to have an ulterior motive but Hermione couldn't bring herself to care what it was. He could choke on the sourness for all she cared.

She wasn't worth his time on a good day, let alone a night from hell. He probably pitied her, which was worse than hating her. He was probably plotting out the best way to publicly humiliate her, point out her weakness and failures to everyone. He would love to laugh publicly at her inability to protect herself, sneer at her and at how he'd told everyone how useless she was and now he had proof. Hermione was so tired though that she didn't care what he had planned or how he felt. Nothing could be worse than what she felt right now.

Nothing. Pain. Shame.

She felt nothing but her pain. Emotionally, mentally she was barren. Empty. She had naught to offer anyone now. She was so ashamed at how fragile and weak she'd been, it overwhelmed her and her will to keep fighting fractured more and more with each memory she came across in her mind.

Maybe it would be better to just…not exist anymore. The pain would go away. It would be nice not to feel pain. Sure it would be the ultimate disappointment to her friends, peers and teachers, not to mention her parents. They would understand eventually. She could leave them letters explaining what happened, how she'd taken pity on them. That now they wouldn't have to deal with the remaining shattered body and mind of poor pathetic Hermione Granger.

Hermione would even bet Malfoy would be so glad to be rid of all her problems that he'd probably deliver the letters with a song and a smile if she asked. If she explained everything just right then maybe they would understand and eventually thank her for taking care of the problem herself.

Her heart physically ached and a tear slid down her cheek. Just one, but it was enough to make her flip over and burry her head under the blankets, blocking out the world. It felt like someone was trying to remove her heart by hand while she was still awake and watching.

At least she wouldn't have to see their disappointed faces or hear their remarks about how they all thought she was stronger, smarter. She wouldn't have to explain verbally over and over to each person that she just let him tear her body and soul apart without a sound, without a fight.

What if they didn't believe her? She couldn't imagine being tossed to the side because they all thought her to be perfect and that nothing could tarnish their Gryffindor Princess. Ron surely wouldn't believe her, probably tell her it was some dream and change the subject to Quidditch again. Harry, he might believe her but he wouldn't be able to help. He had his own problems and he'd never made time before for her, why would he start now?

No one would really miss her.

Did she want to die? No, not really, well maybe. She'd always thought she'd be more to the world, have some great purpose. It was a better option than living a half life alone though. _He_ couldn't get to her in the afterlife either. There was a comfort in that thought. At least she would be safe there. She'd forever walk down an empty path of nothing, but he wouldn't be there to haunt her every moment.

Why couldn't the Gods have taken pity on her and let her die out there in the greenhouse? Why did Malfoy have to find her and do the first noble bloody thing in his life and save her? She wasn't worth the air and space she was taking up anymore. Her body hurt and she knew she would never trust another human's touch again. Again she wondered why They had chosen to keep her alive and tormented.

"Dinner, Granger." She jumped under the covers when Malfoys voice interrupted her dark deliberations. She wanted to be alone, she didn't want him here. He was just a continuous reminder of how useless she'd become. More pain hit her heart like a knife. There it was again, useless Hermione. It was becoming a habit.

"No."

"Yes. Don't make me force it down your throat. I will if I have to." He sounded gruff and tired but she didn't give in. He was probably pissed at her for making him loose his beauty sleep or something. It must be hard for him to look after a mudblood and pretend to be okay with it. She felt exactly how he'd always wanted her to feel when called that. Lowly, worthless, nothing short of a disgusting excuse for an undeserving witch. _Ironic how things turned out_, she huffed silently.

_He's changed, he's grown up_; the kind voice spoke up again and she couldn't help but see the small truth in it.

True, he hadn't called her mudblood in years, hadn't gone out of his way to hurt her, but that didn't mean he didn't still think her to still be all those awful things. She certainly felt like a mudblood now. A true witch could have, _would have_ protected herself. Her magic would have protected her.

"Now, Granger," he snapped. He was getting frustrated with her. Good, then he'd leave her alone._ Maybe I'll piss him off enough and then he'll go away._ She felt her inner voice sigh and back away into a dark corner, resigning to defeat.

"Sod off, Malfoy."

"Bloody hell, Granger, get the fuck up before I drag your arse out of bed." She heard him set something down on the desk and stomped, well the equivalent to stomping for a Malfoy, coming to a stop at the edge of the bed. He really didn't catch on quick did he?

"Go away, Malfoy. I don't want you here anymore, fuck off and leave me alone," she bit out. He growled and if she wasn't so lost in her own turmoil she would have noticed how raw, feral and beautiful it sounded coming from him. But her mind was lost and she ignored it.

Next thing she knew there was no cover over her head and she was being pulled to the edge of the bed by a very angry Draco. She kicked out at him, intending to connect with his chin, to ram her frustration right into his perfectly chiseled face. He blocked her effortlessly and grabbed her ankle, twisting it just far enough she couldn't pull away without even more pain. She fought the urge to cry out as the skin between her legs tore again. Steel grey eyes seared into her soul and she felt a tingle of fear at the sight of his fury.

"Do that again, Granger, and you'll find yourself upside down eating through a straw for the rest of the school year, got it?" The venom in his voice was convincing enough and she went lax in his grip. Not only because of his threat but the searing pain between her legs had shot up her spine and into her head, which now hurt so bad her vision blurred and she was nauseous.

"Eat, before I lose my patience," he said as he released her leg. Fucking Malfoy, who did he think he was? Lose his patience with her? He didn't have to stay; he could leave any time he wanted. Preferably sooner rather than later.

She hadn't been stupid when agreeing to his terms of their unwritten contract. She'd noted that he made himself completely open to leaving whenever he wanted to. All he had to do was say she was fine on her own and he could go. All she had cared about then was that he promised he wouldn't tell anyone it had been her. That was all she was after so anything else she overlooked at the time.

Now she was regretting that decision.

"Whatever, Malfoy. Go back to your Slytherin cronies, I don't need you anymore. I can take care of myself, bye." She tried to sound strong, like she really didn't need him anymore.

She didn't. At least she wouldn't once he delivered her letters. Her plan looked better and better. No disappointment, no pain, no Malfoy, no Hermione.

Here she was, Hermione Mudblood Granger, getting coddled by Draco Bloody Pureblood Malfoy, because she couldn't protect herself against _one_ person. She didn't deserve any pity or help. She didn't want it. She just wanted to disappear, taking her pain and problems with her. Everyone could go on without having to deal with her issues. And she'd be safe from _him._

Everyone would win.

If only she could get rid of Malfoy. Well hadn't that always been a goal of hers? Not quite in this fashion but hadn't she always wanted to get rid of him? Before she'd wanted him gone because he taunted her about how worthless she was and her heritage, and now because he was a constant reminder that his taunts had been dead on the money.

She heard him snort very un-Malfoy like and he left the room. He paused at the door, maybe about to say something before he continued out, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Odd, she didn't think that would work. Oh well, she was alone and that was all that mattered. She could move on with what was left of her life.

The soup smelled good, she was so hungry her stomach growled. It was a pretty pathetic last meal but it would have to do. She didn't have her wand to cook up anything and she wasn't about to ask Malfoy for something else. Dobby wasn't an option either. He'd notice she wasn't right and say something to Harry. The elf was extremely in tune with Harry and his friends, to the point of annoyance.

Soup and a few last words… that was all she had left. Perhaps that was how it was suppose to be. A bland last meal for a life that had nothing left to offer but a broken witch with naught left to give to the world.

She sat down to eat her soup and write her letters. No sense in prolonging the inevitable. But who to start with? She definitely wanted to write to her parents, Harry and Ron, the Headmaster and McGonagall. _Can't forget the instructions for Malfoy_. That was a lot of words.

Maybe just one letter then? Efficient, but no, they all deserved more than that. She would write five letters and a newspaper article to be sent to the Daily Prophet. She couldn't let this guy get away with what he did and if she didn't let the public know then he would do it again and again until someone came forward. So again, everyone would win. They would get their explanation, she wouldn't have to live with her disgrace, and hopefully _he_ wouldn't get the chance to ruin another life.

She set her soup aside to start the first letter.

_Dear Mum and Dad…_

**-DM-**

_Why the bloody hell am I helping this bint again?_ Draco fumed about his sitting room, pacing in front of the fireplace. How dare she tell him to fuck off? He didn't have to help her, he should just leave her to rot. That would teach her to not be such a bloody wench to someone who's trying to help. Why was he even trying? He didn't give an owl's hoot about her anyway. He should just wash his hands of this whole mess right now before he got any more invested.

He'd spent his entire day making off comments about Hermione not feeling well and how he'd have to pick up her head duties as well as his for a few days. Without the note from her he wouldn't be able to keep her away tomorrow as he'd liked but he'd deal with it then.

He'd made a promise and he kept his promises, but he didn't have to like it. He'd see this through but damn her for making it so bloody difficult. He needed to talk to someone, for all he knew she was trying to off herself right now. Leaving her alone probably wasn't his brightest idea but if he'd stayed he would have hexed her to next week.

A small part of him worried about his last thought. Would she think about suicide? It wasn't very common among witches and wizards, they preferred to go mad and try to take over the world. She was muggleborn though. They have a skewed way of thinking if he remembered his muggle studies clearly. Suicide rates were astronomically higher than in the wizarding world. He didn't know what happened to her exactly, couldn't say how mentally unstable that whole _incident_ had made her. Anger and frustration led into something that felt a lot like worry and uneasiness.

He needed help, but who to go to? He had the perfect idea, at least as perfect an idea as he could come up with on short notice. He hated the feeling of giving up, or giving in. This felt like one of those times, but wouldn't he truly be giving up if he walked out on Granger?

He left his rooms for the Slytherin common room without another thought. Now he just had to figure out how to tell Blaise everything without actually telling Blaise anything.

**-BZ-**

Blaise Zabini was sitting bored in front of the Slytherin common room fire. It was Sunday evening and everyone seemed to have something to do other than him. Draco had been MIA the whole day, stopping in for breakfast before making excuses and disappearing. It was fine, he liked the quiet most days, but something had him off this particular day. He wasn't sure what but it made his skin tingle.

The common room door opened and he half heartedly glanced over his shoulder and saw Draco come into the room. He seemed a bit off as well. _Must be something in the air,_ Blaise mused.

"Decided to slum it with the common folk today, Almighty Head-Boy?" he joked over his shoulder. Draco came to a stop by the fireplace, his mind seeming to be in another world and had left his body to run on auto pilot. He looked troubled and that was never good.

"Just with one, if you got the time." Draco's remark didn't sound as invested as it usually did in their friendly banter and he didn't look away from the fire. _Definitely something in the air._

"I'll have to find time in my busy schedule. I think I can fit you in in about two weeks, yeah?" He made a pass with his hands over his invisible schedule book. Draco still didn't seem amused and a scowl settled on his face. Blaise's warning bells started going off. It was unlike Draco to be so distant and cold towards his friends, especially him. Everyone else sure, but not his friends and definitely not to Blaise.

"I was thinking more along the lines of now, and not… here." He motioned to the room and the students that spotted the chairs and couches around the room. Draco hadn't been this serious looking since his father's trial; it wasn't good when the Malfoy heir's shields were up. Blaise dropped the carefree act and sat up a bit straighter feeling his own guards fall into place with a definitive _click_.

"Everything alright, mate?"

When Draco didn't respond but glared back into the fire as if it had kicked him, Blaise's back went into its well trained ramrod straight position and his senses heightened, the room colors becoming more vibrant the sounds clearer. He and Draco had been trained since birth to be aware of their surroundings, to be aware of danger at all times. Having the parents they had, it was a necessity. Being in Slytherin only encouraged that behaviour. Now felt like one of those times that their training had been for good use.

"So, your rooms then?" He stood, heading for the door as Draco nodded, spinning on his heal and made a swift exit out of the dorms. Neither spoke on the walk, or rather jog, to his friend's dorm. Blaise's intrigue was peaked as well as his alarm bells wailing. Whatever Draco wanted to talk to him about wasn't good, that much he knew.

They made it back to his dorm and he sat down on the couch while Draco lit his fire again and paced for a few seconds. He studied his blonde friend, noticing his tight shoulders and still present scowl on his face. He looked like he was in an argument, a silent argument with himself.

"Blaise, I'm mixed up in something that I can't tell who it's about because I gave my word on my name but need help with how to deal with it," Draco rushed out, another out of character thing for him.

He'd stopped pacing and gone back to nearly the same position by the fire as he'd had in the common room. The fire helped Blaise's own nerves calm to reasonable levels again, their friendly dance a distraction for his eyes. So Draco's backed himself into a corner, that was odd but not exactly the hair raising confession he'd thought was coming.

"Why don't you start by telling me what exactly has your knickers in a twist, and then I may be able to help you with your…problem?" Blaise said friendly, trying to defuse his friend's current state of unrest. They had been there for each other through their whole lives. When Draco's father was arrested, it was Blaise and his family who had stood by Draco and Narcissa showing the world that they weren't to be blamed for Lucius's crimes. The Zabini's were a very old and very rich pureblood family, and even though Blaise was only fifteen at the time, him standing by the Malfoys was a warning to the wizarding world not to mess with them.

"Draco? Snap out of it! What has you so distressed?" Blaise looked at his mate worriedly. "You haven't come to the Slytherin common room in over a week, forgetting all about your best mate and neglecting your job as seventh year of picking on the younger years. Now this? What's going on?" He was trying for normalcy to help Draco to relax about whatever it was that had him so uptight.

Draco let out a long breath as Blaise thought about his last statement. It was their job to pick on the younger students. Being targeted by the seventh years is good training for the first and second years. It builds character and teaches them to think defensively. _That's something our deplorable DADA teachers have severely lacked in our schooling here_. Blaise growled in his head, the DADA teachers were ridiculous but somehow they had still learned it. This year seemed to be different. Professor Black was a good teacher, for a Gryffindor that is.

"Something happened the other night, about a week ago now." Another sigh escaped Draco's lips and Blaise looked worried again. So something did happen. "I can't tell you who it is; I gave her my word I wouldn't tell anyone. So please, Blaise, don't repeat anything I'm about to tell you, and don't ask outright who it is." His eyes grew hard at Draco's words but after a moment his face softened again. Draco should know better than to have to ask that. They'd been mates forever, he never told anyone what they talked about, even when Pansy had screamed for twenty minutes when they were eight and she wanted to know if Draco 'liked her' liked her. That had been torture but he didn't give in.

"Mate, you know I won't. You know me better than that so why even waste your breath? What could possibly have happened that warrants a Malfoy promise?" He gave his friend an intrigued look. It was true; a promise made by a Malfoy was in most respects as strong as a wizard's oath. There isn't anything truly law or magic binding to it but they are not given out lightly and are never broken.

"Forgive me, friend. I just had to be sure." Draco gave a half smile which Blaise didn't return. "Okay, so you know how I haven't slept well this year? Well last night I went out on rounds when I couldn't sleep…" Blaise raised an eyebrow slightly. He knew Granger had the Saturday rounds. It was part of their agreement that, since she was so lost in her studies most nights, she never went to the parties on Saturdays with the other houses, that she take Saturday rounds. Draco ignored his unspoken question, continuing on with his reiteration of his night.

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. I was walking along the forest line and heard a scream. It was short but I heard it so I went to go find who it was who screamed. I was intending on deducting as many points as I could from the idiot. I was searching the greenhouses, just leaving number two when someone jinxed me." Blaise's hair stood on end. Someone attacked Draco? A student? This wasn't good. Draco continued as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"I am guessing he hit me with a short lived knock out spell because I wasn't out for very long. When I came to I… Merlin! What I found…Blaise I can't even stomach describing it. I felt physically ill looking at her. What he did…" Blaise's mind raced to catch up with Draco's rushed and broken reiteration. He looked up at his long time friend and saw the horror in his eyes, saw him grab gently at his stomach as if holding down dinner. Surely his friend didn't mean what he was implying.

He felt the blood draining from his face. He had a feeling the next words Draco said were going to make keeping his own dinner down difficult. Draco turned back to the fire which he was glad for, it made keeping his dinner down easier when he didn't have to see the haunted look on Draco's face.

"We were in greenhouse one. She was back behind the sacks of fertilizer and soil. There was water overflowing from the wash area, turning the dirt on the ground to mud and there was blood everywhere. She was unconscious and her clothes were torn." Draco's eyes from what Blaise could see were lost, they seemed to be back there staring at the girl's body in the hothouse and it made him shiver.

"There were small cuts and scrapes all over her. Her sweater and shirt was cut open up to her neck, a slit up the center of her bra bared her chest and her pants were in thin strips only still hanging on by the band at her waist. Almost like those ridiculous skirts muggles wear to those lulaus or whatever, ya' know?" Blaise did know, he and Draco had gone to a luau this past summer that one of Blaise's family members had put on and they'd made cracks at the skirts all night.

He didn't think he'd ever smile at those things again.

His face had contorted in a grimace, somewhere between nausea and fury. His face had also paled a few more shades lighter, which he didn't think possible as dark as his skin was. Blaise looked Draco dead in the eye and he knew the blond could see the fury in his eyes. The same fury he was sure Draco himself had felt and probably still felt now.

"Was she...was she raped, then?" He asked evenly but with a hint of hope clearly wishing for a different outcome than his mind had deduced.

"I'm pretty sure, but she hasn't told me about what happened yet but what she has said since, yea she was. At the time though, I didn't even know if she was alive so I checked her… she was still breathing. Most of the blood seemed to be from the cuts all over her. I conjured a blanket and carried her back to the head common room." Blaise raised his eyebrow again. _No hospital wing? Went to the common room. It can't be Granger!_ Blaise's mind began to work over time. No way could it have been the Gryffindor Princess. She was brilliant and wicked fast with a wand, no one could get a jump on her. He would never admit it but he was slightly jealous of how easy magic came to her when she'd only known about it for seven years.

"Why not the hospital wing?" He kept his thoughts to himself for now; maybe Draco would slip and give him more definitive proof of who it was.

"I had every intention to. She woke up on the way there though. I think she was scared when she wasn't where she remembered being left and still upset about what had happened to her, she begged me not to take her to the hospital wing. I tried to argue but she was so broken and she seemed so afraid of being seen like she was that I just caved and took her to the common room instead. I thought that maybe she would blame me for what happened or something so I made a cup of tea for her as a peace offering or some shit, and then she just broke down into tears!"

Draco looked to Blaise for comfort. They both hated crying women. It reminded them of Draco's mother and one of Blaise's sisters who had been constantly battered around by their significant others. A woman crying was awkward at best with the people they knew and cared for; he couldn't imagine someone he didn't care for crying all over him.

"You know I don't do emotions well so I went to make her some clothes, told her to get in the shower. I needed to put some distance between us. While she was in there I went to the hospital wing myself and asked Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep, told her I was stressed about NEWTs and duties and couldn't sleep. Old bat bought it." Blaise and Draco sniggered at that.

"I put some in her drink when I got back, healed her as best I could and put her in the spare room for the night." Blaise could tell there was more to it, but he left it alone, sensing that Draco had shared all he was going to share at the moment. There is a long pause, neither of the two boys knew what to say or do at that moment.

"So did she see him or did she hear his voice? See anything remarkable, a scar or hair color? Skin tone? Anything?" Blaise broke the silence first, asking the questions he wasn't sure Draco knew answers to. Draco shook his head and shrugged, affirming his friend's fears. They had nothing to go on. Blaise sighed and cast _Tempus_. It was almost curfew and he'd better get on his way.

"You'd better head out or I'll find you on my rounds tonight and have to take points from Slytherin. I don't fancy having to take points from my own house."

Draco didn't have rounds on the weekend.

"That's Grangers duty tonight I thought." Blaise was fishing; he was hoping to catch a bite.

"She's…indisposed at the moment."

"Bloody Salazar, it was Granger wasn't it?" Blaise was putting all the pieces together. Draco taking on the extra patrol, the common room instead of the hospital, it made sense. She was probably the only student outside of Slytherin who could have gotten Draco to promise on his family name. She was smart so she had to have manipulated him somehow.

"Can you confirm it? What exactly did you promise?" Blaise started to get nervous for his friend. What exactly had the Malfoy heir agreed to?

"Just told her I wouldn't tell anyone it was her. She doesn't want anyone to know so I promised to take care of her until I say she was better or she finds someone else to take over her care. I left myself an out, but Blaise you didn't see her. Gods she was so broken!" He started to pace again, emotions Blaise hadn't seen on his friend's face ever creeping out as he paced.

"And she's dreaming about him, real re-living nightmares. How do I deal with that? I can't baby-sit her the rest of the year." Draco sat down hard on one of the plush chairs next to Blaise and buried his head in his hands.

"So you can't confirm it and dreams are dreams, she'll have to learn to deal with them." Blaise was saddened by that, it would be easier if they didn't have to dance around who it was, especially since it seemed Draco was going to have his hands full.

"No, I can. I told her I'd need outside help, that I didn't know what I was doing." He snorted and Blaise looked mildly shocked. Draco never admitted he didn't know something. Points for his best mate growing a pair.

"I told her I wouldn't _tell_ anyone it was her, but didn't say I couldn't confirm someone's suspicions." Blaise smirked at him. That was a bloody brilliant and very Slytherin thing to do. More points for the Malfoy heir in his book.

"So…it was Granger?"

"Yes, it was the Gryffindor Princess, Hermione bloody Granger, bane of my existence and now my charge by my own words. See why I need help?"

Blaise had never seen someone in such need of help. It was going to be a long year.

**-DM-**

Draco and Blaise separated at the common room entrance after a few more minutes of discussing pros and cons to Draco's promises and new charge. Blaise promised to discuss it all in more depth the next day, that it being curfew and all, he had to get back to the Slytherin Dorms. Draco had agreed, it was getting late and he had things he needed to do. After some short reassurances that he was doing okay with what he had been dealt with Granger, Blaise left for his own bed.

He'd been proud of Draco for his wording of the terms to their agreement. Blaise was wicked with words and had a finesse very few people had, better than most Slytherins. Draco had learned a lot from his own father about how to speak precisely and how to manipulate a conversation to his own liking, but Blaise had taught him flare. Lucius had forced obedience and stoicism from the day he was born, but Blaise had given him defenses mentally to help those days when Lucius was on a rampage. He owed him a lot and he was immensely glad to know he was on his side.

Blaise had offered to go on rounds with Draco but he declined. He had every intention of running through the outside as fast as possible, maybe even disillusioning himself so he wouldn't be seen to get it over quickly. He doubted the guy was still around waiting for Granger again, but he couldn't take any chances. What if he struck again on a different student?

The night was uneventful though. No one outside, no one in the corridors or classrooms. The castle was eerily quiet and he didn't like it one bit. He was getting antsy about leaving Granger for so long. He wasn't sure how she was feeling, what was going on in her mind. He couldn't imagine what it had been like and he wondered why she didn't fight back. He hadn't found her wand; did she even have it with her? So many questions and he needed some answers.

When he got back to her rooms just after midnight Daeira the portrait student looked worried and was pacing. She looked up at his footsteps and scowled. Draco's blood ran cold at her words.

"It is about time! Something is wrong with Hermione. She has turned all the portraits around, I could not see anything but I heard her crying…now she isn't. Get your arse in there or I am going straight to the headmaster." The portrait swung open without the pass-phrase and for a second he couldn't move. He didn't want to know what was inside. She could be sleeping, having cried herself to sleep. That was ideal. His mind clung to that thought like a lifeline. But why would she have turned the paintings around? It didn't settle well with Draco and he had to force his feet to move forward.

The room looked clean, nothing out of place. The paintings were in their original place just facing the wall they hung from. The fire was burning, flickering light across the walls and furniture. It was dead silent aside from the crackles of the flames. The bedroom door was open; no light shone from it, the fire was out in there which was odd for this time of night.

He walked slowly back towards her room, he glanced here and there for her to be studying and have fallen asleep or collapsed on the ground. There was a reason for her silence and it wasn't that she was dead. _She wouldn't off herself_, he told himself,_ she's got too much to live for._ She fell asleep somewhere after a crying jag. That was all!

He completely missed the letter addressed to him on the coffee table.

She wasn't in her room, or on the floor, or the couch. She wasn't asleep in a chair or hiding under the bed. That left one room. He didn't want to deal with her being in the bathroom…again. The poor girl had been seen naked enough by him. He didn't need to continue that pattern.

The bathroom door was shut and he couldn't see any light underneath the door. He braced himself against the wall just to the side of the door. Half of him said he needed to hurry, the other half said it was too late. A small portion was still clinging to his delusion said that everything was fine. He straightened, pulled his wand and knocked. No sounds replied.

He opened the door.

Black.

The room was so dark, so black he couldn't see anything. He flicked his wand and cast _Lumos._

_Bloody mother of Merlin._ His heart stopped and the world halted.

Hermione Granger was in the tub full of water, her mass of hair swirling around her face. Her arms floated in the water and a single bubble passed through her lips and floated to the top, disappearing with a soft _pop_.

He didn't process, he didn't think, he just reacted. He crossed to her, dropping his wand on the floor and pulled her from the tub. Water went everywhere as her mass of hair had soaked up quite a bit. His pants became wet at the knees as he laid her on the ground gently. He cast a vitals charm as soon as he recovered his wand from the floor.

A soft red glow only he could see shown above her body. Something was wrong. He studied what the charm told him, trying to remember what they'd learned.

She wasn't breathing.

_Shit, shit, shit! What do I do?_ _Okay, think Draco, think! She's drowned, water in the lungs. Turn her over…?_

As soon as he thought he acted. He turned her over onto her side, praying to any God out there to let her airway open, let the water come out. They hadn't learned life saving spells yet in class. He had no idea what he was doing. How did the muggles do this without magical aid? He needed someone…a muggleborn, someone who knew this without magic. He never thought he'd see the day he'd wished to know how to do something without magic, but there it was.

The headmaster probably knew. Madam Pomfrey surely knew. But if Hermione lived through this, she'd kill him for telling them. This was so fucked up! He was wasting time, he needed to do something. He needed to pump her chest out, get the water out. Force her to breathe.

Breathe.

That he could do, he could breathe for her. He laid her back on her back again. _This is not how I imagined a first kiss._ His mind still had some sense of humor left but it didn't hold the same hilarity as usual. He bent down and placed his mouth over her lips, blowing into her mouth.

Nothing.

"Don't die on me Granger, that'll just piss me off!" He didn't know why he was talking to her, she couldn't hear him. She wasn't breathing and all he could do was think about how pissed he was at her. She'd just given up. Well, that wasn't going to fly with him. She could give up on someone else's watch.

He tried it again and her chest didn't move again and it seemed he just blew a big air bubble into her face. _Open her mouth wider you idiot!_ An angry voice sounding very much like his Godfather scolded him. He did as he was mentally told and as he held her mouth open her head tilted back slightly. He breathed again.

Her chest rose, he felt the resistance against his breath, like her lungs were already full of air and couldn't take any more in. Rather they were full of water but he tried not to think about that. He tried again. Maybe he'd make her lungs so full her body would push back?

He breathed three more times, each time watching her chest rise and fall but nothing else. The resistance grew with each exhale. Just before he got another breath in, her body shuddered. It jumped from his grip as if shocked. He jumped back out of the way and then she seemed to be choking. Some instinct in him told him now it was time to turn her to her side.

Water came pouring out of her mouth with each shudder. She coughed and gagged and threw up all over the floor. She gasped for air and scratched at her chest with her hands. Tears flowed from her eyes as water flowed from her lips; more water flowed out her nose. She panted and pulled air into her lungs only to choke it back out with more fluid following.

She continued in this fashion for moments that seemed like centuries. He didn't care how long it took, she was alive and he'd never felt more relieved about anything in his whole life. Never had he felt so happy to have someone breathing. He wanted to grab her and hold her until she begged him to let her continue to breathe. His adrenalin was flowing, making his head swim and his emotions blur.

She was alive.

He rubbed her back and held her on her side. There were no encouraging words or there-theres or anything of the sort, just silence as she regained life sustaining oxygen back into her body. Ever so slowly she calmed her breathing, her body calming from the purging. He let her roll onto her back.

She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. She was whispering things into her hands that he couldn't understand. He wanted to understand, he wanted answers. He wasn't sure when he'd become Hermione's savior but this was twice in twenty-four hours and didn't have a clue as to what exactly happened either time. It was bloody frustrating!

"You're going to the hospital wing and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Bloody hell, Granger, you just fucking tried to kill yourself!" Once he'd said that out loud the implications of it all came crashing down on him and he'd staggered onto his heels, bracing against the wall behind him. She'd wanted to die! As in dead, no coming back, no take-backs, no oopsies, or just kiddings, just… gone. Had he been any later…no he wasn't going to go there. She hadn't died completely…if that was possible to only half die…but it was close enough and that pissed him off.

She needed to get to the hospital wing. She wasn't going to argue this time. He wasn't going to give her a choice so he grabbed his wand canceling the _Lumos_ and placing a soft sleep spell on her even as she tried to crab crawl backwards away from him. No way was he going to fight her all the way to the hospital wing.

She went limp in front of him and it was then he noticed…again…that she was bare down to her knickers. Somehow she still wanted modesty even after she'd died. If he was still up against the wall he would have pounded his head against it. This woman was going to kill him with her bizarre thought processes.

He summoned another school robe from her room. Before he put it on her, he dropped it in the tub. For some bloody reason he still wasn't going to tell the Head Nurse the whole truth. She didn't want anyone to know about the rape, fine. She probably wouldn't want the nurse to know she'd tried to off herself either, whatever. He'd make up an excuse, she was found in the common bathroom, slipped and fell in? He shrugged, sounded as good as any other lame excuse.

He picked her up and carried her out of the dorm, water dripping as he walked. Daeira was pacing a hole in her painting and screamed when she saw her charge unconscious and wet. To her she probably looked dead. He just kept walking out of the alcove and he heard the portrait closed with a click, her calling after him. He paused and looked back to Daeira, who seemed to be going into a state of shock. _Can portraits go into shock?_ He wondered.

"She'll be okay…probably won't be back for a few days though." The student seemed to relax minutely and nodded. He continued on to the hospital wing, schooling his lies as he went.

Once he got inside the wing he was met by the Head Nurse who'd about dropped her wand at the sight of him carrying a soaked and unconscious Hermione Granger. She scowled at him as it if was his fault and motioned to a bed closest to her office door. He gently set her down on the bed before the nurse began her fussing; casting spells this way and that over her body.

"What did you do to her, Mr. Malfoy?" Her tone was so dark he nearly cowered before her.

"No Ma'am, I didn't do this. I found her like this in the common room bath. I don't know what happened; she was in the bath with it full of water. I dunno if she slipped maybe? She wasn't breathing when I pulled her out. We haven't gone over life saving spells yet so I breathed for her until she started spouting out water. She threw up a couple of times too. I didn't know what to do so I brought her here." He sounded as convincing as any shocked student, partly because he still was shocked, but the flat out lie he'd practiced on the way over was delivered perfectly.

The nurse busied herself with potion bottles and more waves of her wand. It seemed as if she hadn't heard him at all. Hermione still lay motionless on the bed. He should probably tell her he put her to sleep.

"Madam Pomfrey, I put a sleep spell on her because she was so frantic. I didn't mean to do her any harm if that's what you were asking." He didn't know why he felt so guilty all of a sudden. It wasn't his fault Granger tried to kill herself and was pissed she hadn't succeeded. The head nurse paused and in acknowledgement gave him a soft smile.

"Probably for the best, then. If that's all, Mr. Malfoy, go and fetch me the headmaster please." He stood to do as she asked and schooled himself on his lie even more. A busy nurse was one thing; an ever knowing headmaster with that damn twinkle in his eye was another. He stopped at the door and turned back to the busy nurse.

"Will Herm-…I mean…will she be okay?" Madam Pomfrey stopped again and worried her bottom lip.

"I believe so, Mr. Malfoy. Now, the Headmaster, if you please?" He nodded and left.

A/n: whew, that was longer than the others. Please please please read and review! Let me know how I did with the rescue. I think I rewrote it ten times until I just told myself to leave it alone!

Also, the Head Rooms are close to their house dorms not connected to the common room. There's reasons why I chose to do that later.

Thank you to all who read and reviewed/favorited/followed last chapter. My daughter laughed every time I did my little "review" dance for her. Keep the laughter coming!


	5. The 'To think about later' file

**Chapter 5: The 'To think about later' file**

**Warnings: Foul Language, Thoughts about suicide (sorry, it's a theme I guess), a shock, and a tender moment (awww)**

**-DM-**

Draco schooled himself all the way to the headmaster's office. _She was in the common room bath. She fell in. She wasn't breathing. I breathed for her. Sleep spell. Hospital._

Over and over he repeated until he believed that was exactly what happened. When he reached the gargoyle he hesitated and ran it over one more time. _Bath. Fall. Breathe. Sleep. Hospital. _He said the password and rode the rotating staircase to the top. The door to the headmaster's office looked daunting. Draco really didn't want to face the headmaster with his mind all jumbled as it was. Big breath.

_Knock, knock._

He wished the headmaster wouldn't answer but again the Gods denied him, the door opening to a smiling Dumbledore.

"Mister Malfoy? To what do I owe this late meeting?" The headmaster was in his nightcap and evening robes looking old and tired but that blasted twinkle was still in his eye, even at such a late hour. It seemed to pierce into Draco and want to pull the truth out him. Draco tried to repeat the lie over and over again. _Bath, fall, breathe, sleep, hospital._ It was easy. He steeled his face and leveled his voice.

"Sir, Madam Pomfrey told me to retrieve you. Her-Granger fell into the tub in the Head's common room. She wasn't breathing so I revived her…er…" he paused at Dumbledore's minute eyebrow quirk and small half smile. It was brief and if Draco had blinked he would have missed it. Draco's cheeks reddened of their own volition and he hated himself so much just then.

"I uh…"He'd never been this illiterate before and it pissed him off. Just get it out and down with, he chided himself. "She woke up and she was freaking out so I put her to sleep and took her to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey told me to go and get you." Dumbledore nodded.

"And that brings us to the present," Dumbledore looked mildly worried and Draco began to get irritated. Why wasn't he hurrying?

"So, you'll come to the hospital wing then?" Draco motioned for the stairs. He wanted to get back to Hermione.

"Yes, yes of course. Let me just change and I'll be there in just a moment. Go on ahead and I'll be along shortly." Draco nodded and headed back toward the rotating staircase. He didn't know why but hurrying back to the hospital wing, back to Hermione, seemed like the most important to him. He'd have to return to that thought later, when he wasn't so tired.

**-AD-**

Dumbledore waited until Draco had exited his office stoop before turning around and allowed himself a brief, worried glance around his office. It was his home, he felt safe there. But right now, safe was the last thing he was feeling. There was more to this than Draco had let on, and it didn't steer his mind into the side of the pleasant.

He crossed to the fireplace and flooed Poppy's office. She answered swiftly with her hair a bit wild around her hood and eyes ghosted over in the green flames. He worried just _that_ much more.

"Have you revived her yet?" She shook her head, blurry as it was in the flames.

"No, I was waiting for you to be present before I did. According to my scans, something more terrible has happened to Miss Granger, Albus. She's been recently raped. Torn apart really. I can't be entirely sure, I…it could be something gone terribly wrong…consensually, but it seems more likely she was raped." Albus's heart dropped out from under him. How had this happened?

"How recently?" He needed the details, sad as they were.

"No more than twenty four hours. Everything is still very fresh." Albus nodded.

"I wonder why she didn't come to you or myself?"

"She shows signs of recent healing. Perhaps she went to someone, I'm not sure who though. I don't think she just slipped and fell, Albus. I think either she was put in that bath by someone to get rid of their trace or…or she did it herself." Albus shivered and his composure faltered briefly. His many years showed on his face, and settled on his shoulders firmly.

"This is serious then. Do we know who it could be, Poppy?"

"No, we won't know until she wakes. I'll bet the first name on her tongue will be her attacker though, once she realizes she's safe. We will need to be ready to act swiftly, Albus. We cannot allow this to happen again." Dumbledore nodded again, lost in his own thoughts. It was rare for rape to happen in the wizarding world, outside of dark wizards that is. Definitely not in the school. Magic had a way of protecting against it, why had Hermione's failed her?

"We cannot jump to conclusions, Poppy. We will get the facts and act accordingly." Poppy seemed to consider something and glanced behind her, possibly at someone entering the wing.

"What of Mister Malfoy? He could very well have been the one to do this to her. Something isn't right with his story. It isn't meshing with what I'm seeing on her now. He shouldn't even be allowed back here. If he did this-" she pressed.

"Not until we have the facts." Albus interrupted. "He's innocent until proven otherwise, you know that. I'll be down shortly and you can wake her and get her side, the only side really, to the story. Thank you, Poppy; I'll only be a few moments." She nodded tersely into the fire and flicked it off, her face disappearing. Dumbledore sighed, another night of little sleep and more weight than he thought he was able to hold. He went to change and maybe a glamour charm…or two.

**-DM-**

Draco made it to the hospital wing much quicker than he had ever imagined. He didn't see Pomfrey anywhere and a hint of worry settled over him. _Where was Her-Granger?_ He hurried to where he'd left her and breathed a sigh of relief when he found her still asleep but dry. He could see the difference on her skin. She'd been healed and color had returned to her flesh. The tub all but forgotten by her body.

Her hand lay motionless at her side and he sat down on the cot next to her left hip, careful not to touch or jostle her, He looked at her hand again. He had this overwhelming urge to grab her hand and make sure she was alive. To make sure nothing every happened to her again-

_Wait what?_ Where had that come from? Where was this protective streak coming from? Since when did he care about some bloody girl?

_She's more than some girl_. His mind argued. She was Hermione Granger. His only real competition in class, the only one who could hold her own against him. She had battled his father at the Department of Mysteries. She'd proven herself against the terrors of the school, of his father, of the terror of bloody Lord Voldemort. She'd punched him not four years ago, the only person to ever dare strike him, other than his father. She had never been just some girl. But all that didn't add up to caring about her. He was still riding on the adrenalin rush from earlier, that was all.

He hesitated, but gently took her hand in his. He would analyze this later; right now he needed to know she was okay. Needed to feel her pulse beneath his finger tips, to feel her warmth. The image of her in the tub creeping to the forefront of his mind again. He pushed it away

No she wasn't okay, she'd almost died. If he had been any later she would have. He was so mad at her for giving up. He was so upset that he hadn't been enough for her. _Wha-?_ He ignored his mind and just went with the flow. He'd told her he would help hadn't he? Why didn't she believe him? Well probably because he'd always cut her down, hated her, called her a mudblood and never bothered to help her before. That probably had a lot to do with it.

"Why, Hermione?" He whispered. There was her first name again. When had she gone from Granger to Hermione? He shrugged; it was only him right now. No harm if he called her Hermione right now right?

"Why," he said again exasperated at her choices. "God's I'm so pissed at you right now. I just…you just give up? Just take the easy way out? Worst part is you probably thought you were doing everyone a favor. Bloody Gryffindor, you probably thought everyone would hate you or even maybe not believe you. I didn't find any notes or letters explaining why…were you just going to let me explain it all? Thanks ever so. That would be just the delight of my life. They probably would think that I was the one to do this to you. Bloody fuck. If fingers get pointed at me Granger, I'm going to hex you to the next millennia, understood?"

He let go over her unresponsive hand, it had felt warm in his grasp, which was all the reassurance he'd needed. He hadn't signed up for suicide watch; this was way, _way_ out of his comfort zone.

What was he going to do now? He knew bringing her here was going against what he'd promised her. But she'd upped the ante so to speak. He never agreed to this. Pomfrey would know from her body scans that she'd been recently raped, or at least recently destroyed down there by someone. He didn't know how to heal down there yet so she was still ripped apart. He wished he'd thought about that before brining her here. Gods only knew what the medi-witch's diagnosis spells said, and who knew what she would do about it.

_Where was she?_ he wondered. It wasn't like her to leave a charge for so long so quickly after their arrival. He looked back to the sleeping girl. She looked so peaceful, so content. So unlike the last twenty four hours had been for either of them. He studied her face, possibly for the first time ever. Merlin she had a pretty face. Why had he never seen it before?

_Because you were an ass and a bigot_, a voice chided him. That was true. His childhood teachings had clouded many things from him. For one had kept this girl in front of him for ever even being a living breathing person, let alone on his attractive girl radar.

These were dangerous thoughts he was thinking, but he was so tired he didn't have the energy to fight himself. They were only thoughts, not actions. They were for his head only. Merlin knew worse things had been thought up in his mind, things he hoped never to think or feel again. Like hatred over blood.

It was ridiculous nonsense now. He couldn't keep believing in blood purity when witches like Hermione existed. A small part of him envied her natural talent with magic. He didn't struggle by any means but it seemed to come so fluently to her. He had only ever mentioned this to Blaise once during one of his…depressed moments. After his father had been imprisoned. After his way of living had fallen apart and he didn't even know who he was anymore or what he stood for.

That had been a difficult time for Draco and his mother. More-so on Draco. His mother could hide away in the Manor and play pity the poor wife to her friends, but Draco had to face society. Three months and he'd been back to school, fighting for his place in society. Blaise had been his only confidant and when he would fail at something or have a 'pity Draco' day as they use to call it, Blaise would help him through it.

There had been one particular time when he'd just wanted to give up and give in to the temptation and just not exist any longer. It had been just before school sixth year. He'd begun to receive letters from parents of his school mates, asking him, no telling him not to return to school. That he should transfer to Durmstrang, where'd he'd be more with his type of people. He should stay away from their children and not taint them with his dark family. As if he'd been the one in the Department of Mysteries. He couldn't understand why everyone hated him for his father's crimes. But then it had dawned on him. They needed an outlet, someone to attack even though Lucius had already been punished and Voldemort dead. He was their catch all, their target dummy.

The letters kept coming; he would find out later that Rita Skeeter had written multiple articles stating that he and his mother had decided to continue in his father's teachings. That maybe he shouldn't be exposed to young impressionable kids. He shouldn't be allowed access to Potter, lest he make an attempt on the Boy Who Lived's life.

That had been when he'd just wanted to give up. He'd just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. They'd wanted to take away the only good thing in his life. He'd kept the letters from his mother as long as he could. He hadn't wanted to see her hurt by their words. But she eventually found out about them. Being the nosy mother she is, she'd noted the increase in owl post to her son and had one day snooped in his room.

The very next day she'd released a press statement saying they, her and Draco, had severed all ties with anyone supporting Lucius or the Dark Lord and to leave them to righten out their lives.

He knew, well sort of knew, how Hermione had felt, about just wanting to give up. True her situation was a bit more terrifying than his but the helpless feeling, the want to just disappear, he knew it. That was why he was so pissed. Because she should have been stronger than that. After everything she'd been through with the Golden Trio and school and finding out she was a witch, why had this been so much more for her to handle? He didn't understand, and he desperately wanted to.

A flash of anger gripped him yet again. He tried to calm his reaction down. It really wasn't his business if she wanted to off herself. So why was he so emotionally invested in her decisions?

She was still motionless next to him. She smelled faintly of Amber and Jasmine, left over from her perfume that hadn't been washed away by the water. He allowed himself another moment of weakness and picked up her hand. Examining it, he rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, still relieved to feel the warmth in her hand.

His body shivered against the memory of her in the tub. How she'd seemed lifeless, how she had been lifeless. The singular bubble tracking its way up to the top of the water. How had he managed to save her? How he had been so calm and level headed was beyond him. But we was glad to know that he was able to help someone, if needed.

The adrenaline rush hadn't been fun though. Now that it was over he felt so drained and exhausted like he'd run two hundred miles in one day without eating or drinking. His firewood barrel was empty and he'd run out of reserves.

He couldn't believe how scared he'd been when he thought she was dead. Another shiver crept up his spine, his head started to ache. He didn't know why he was having this kind of reaction to her but he didn't like it, at all. He was Draco Malfoy, and Malfoy's don't care openly about other people, especially so…_openly_.

He sighed. He needed sleep. He frowned down at her hand and picked it up again. How small it was, how fragile and still, not unlike how it had been floating in the tub. Anger still poured off him in waves. He just couldn't wrap his head around her decisions.

_Don't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know. I'm fine. I don't need you anymore. Leave me alone._ Her words floated through his head as if on repeat. He should have sensed it. He should have been more aware of what she meant by all that. Especially since he'd said all of that before to Blaise and his mother after he would get one of those letters. When he would just want to give up trying. But they'd always saved him from himself. He hadn't seen it with her, and that fell on him.

But to be fair he'd only been actively around her for only a few months as head boy and girl and as little as possible at that. He couldn't blame himself for not noticing changes in her because well…right now she was as new to him as a complete stranger. Sure they'd gone to school together since eleven but he'd spent no more time on figuring her out in the last 6 years than he had the house elves of Hogwarts, save for insults and slander against her at opportune times.

How had he gone from insulting her to protecting her so quickly? They didn't hate each other anymore but that was a far cry from the feelings he was desperately trying to ignore. He could admit that when she wasn't basically dead she was rather pretty in the face. Her bushy hair had tamed slightly over the years, probably due to spells and potions. She'd…ah…_grown up_…well and was easily attractive to anyone. And anyone would notice her new… assets. She was sharp with her tongue and sweet to her friends. And…where the fuck did all that come from he wondered?

He dropped her hand as if it had burned him. No, no he was not into nerdy muggleborn bookworms. He was the Slytherin bloody Prince and although he didn't hold the same ideals as his father, as he'd been raised with, he certainly wouldn't allow himself to have any sort of feelings for Hermione fucking Granger. He scowled down at her.

He needed to leave, right now. He stood intending to do just that and ran right into the headmaster in his haste. Bloody fucking hell, he just couldn't catch a break. Dumbledore smiled down at him gently with that blasted twinkle right there in the corner of his eye. Draco held back a groan at his dismal luck.

"Mister Malfoy," a female voice said to the other side of Hermione's cot. Madam Pomfrey had returned from her office with more potions, her wand floating them just above the table to Hermione's right. She gently set them down and turned her full gaze onto him. Merlin he hated being in her sole attention. She could have rattled Voldemort's shoes…if he'd worn shoes that is.

"Yes, ma'am?" he asked innocently.

"Has she woken?" she asked getting to work on her patient.

"No, hasn't even moved as far as I could tell." He shifted uncomfortably. How long had they been standing there? Did they see him holding her hand? Fuck but he wasn't an idiot tonight.

"Better wake her then, if you two will step out, until I've healed her." She hadn't asked but had politely dismissed them with no question on if they would follow her direction. She set to work casting more spells across Hermione's body, paying far more attention than Draco liked to her southern most regions. He knew the medi-witch would know what happened. But that was Hermione's story to tell. He hesitated to leave her, afraid she'd be terrified when she woke up. It's not everyday you get raped, saved by your most hated fellow student, try to kill yourself and be thwarted by said person. It was a lot to take in.

As if Dumbledore had read his mind, he took Draco by the shoulder and steered him towards another cot across the room. The twinkle still there in the corner just above his half moon glasses when Draco sat down and looked up at the headmaster. Draco turned his gaze to look out the window at the stars, anything to keep the headmaster and his blasted know it all eyes from seeing into him. He briefly wondered if Dumbledore used legilimency on his students to find out the truth. He threw up his well honed walls just in case, even though it seemed foolish to do so.

"Mr. Malfoy, can you shed any light on the goings on of Miss Granger tonight and possibly the day before? Heard anything from her, spoke with her, maybe?"

"No, sir," was all Draco said in reply. It was best not to say too many words, lest he read into them too much.

"Are you sure, Draco? No correspondence at all? Well, my information must be muddled then," he said with a dismissive tone. Draco cringed; he'd been caught in his own lie he realized, his own bloody set up had set him up. He'd been bragging all day that Hermione'd told him she was ill. That he had to pick up Head duties. Shit.

"Well…now that I think about it I had to do patrol tonight because she told me she was ill. I suppose that counts as correspondence, slipped my mind until now, you know with everything that's happened." He hoped the old man bought it.

"Ah, very well, I was afraid rumors were starting again in the school." The headmaster turned himself to look at the stars as well but Draco could feel him smiling internally at getting the information he wanted. Draco hated that quality about Dumbledore, hated it so much. He chuckled lightly at Dumbledore's words though. Rumors starting _again?_ Ha like they ever stopped. Rumors were like the plague in this school.

"DRACO!" He jumped, grabbing his wand in reflex. Hermione's voice rang out in the silence of the hospital wing, splitting the air and ringing his ears. He couldn't tell if she was bloody furious at him or terrified that he wasn't there when she woke up. Shit he was a bloody fool leaving her. He knew she'd be scared, and he was the only one who knew about what had happened. The nurse had been there though, so he'd thought it would've been okay.

He stood quickly and half ran to the blocked off section where Hermione was being held. He could hear the nurse trying to hush and sooth her. He could hear the medi-witch telling her it would be okay and that she was safe. Then he heard something that made his heart fall to the floor and all the blood in his face follow.

"He can't hurt you anymore, Mr. Malfoy won't hurt you anymore, Miss Granger…please calm down." How the…what the…they thought he? He felt sick. They thought he was capable…? What in the bloody fucking hell had she told them? Or were they just putting pieces together that didn't fit?

Or maybe they did? Everything he'd down in the last twenty four hours would've led anyone who had no knowledge of what _actually_ happened to think he was responsible for this. He felt the bile rise in his throat again. He was going to tear apart his throat if he kept swallowing down the acid his stomach produced this often.

"No…no…no not him…he didn't…it wasn't him…no…DRACO!" Hermione was stuttering and crying and…clearing his name? Was she going to tell them what happened? He needed to get in there, now. He'd vowed to help her and he was just eavesdropping like a first year on the seventh year's dorm doors! He pushed aside the fabric curtain furious with the medi-witch and worried about Hermione.

Hermione was curled up in what seemed to be her favorite position as of late, knees to chest and holding on to her wrists with her hands. Eyes wide and swollen red with tears. Again his body told him to go and hold her but he pushed it down. More things to dissect later and not around the nosy nurse and twinkley-eyed headmaster. She looked relieved when she saw him, and then furious, but relief won out and she pleaded with her eyes to help her.

"You get out right now," the head nurse said sternly glaring at him from the other side of Hermione.

"No…" Hermione whispered gently, almost inaudibly. His heart tugged at her voice. Another new feeling he didn't like. He was just piling them on wasn't he?

"She wants me to stay, I stay," he said not taking his eyes off hers. He'd made a promise to help her; this was him helping her as best he could. They'd have to stupefy him before he left her side. He was still bloody furious at her but he'd promised her, damn him to hell for it but he had.

"I think not, Albus get him out of here." Dumbledore had joined them behind Draco at some point he wasn't sure when, and he really didn't care to think about it. He spun around and glared at the headmaster who, to his surprised, didn't make a move to remove him. At least he caught a break there.

"Miss Granger seems to want him here, Poppy. Let him stay then, if only to keep her calm." Draco raised an eyebrow at him, odd but okay, file that one away too. His thought file was getting ridiculously full.

"Hermione," he said as he turned back to her, everyone else seeming to have forgotten about why they were here in the first place. She looked up at him, shivering and scared. Shit she looked just as defeated as last night. He felt awful at bringing her here now, against her wishes. He just hadn't known what to do. She'd bloody tried to kill herself. And the anger returned. If fired through him and he ground his teeth and bit his cheek. He couldn't be mad at her though, she _slipped_ remember? She hadn't tried to off herself; she'd been a clumsy idiot and fell in the water. He took a breath. And then another, calming the rage he felt towards her. Allowing the protective side, however crazy it felt, to take over. He crossed over to her leaning on the bed with his hip and taking her hand into his and surprisingly she let him.

"Slipped and fell in the bloody common room bath you clumsy girl. Lucky I needed to loo," he said boring his lie into her eyes, into her soul so she would understand he hadn't told what was really going on. Her eyes shone even more relief and gratitude towards him and nodded her head.

"Slipped and fell, getting in the bath?" she questioned, hazily. The nurse and headmaster would probably take her confusion as memory loss but she was trying to get the whole story from him, so their testimony's matched. He was glad she was a quick study and not an idiot like most people. Though most people would have went to the nurse after _it_ had happened and not tried to off themselves instead, but he'd deal with that later. More later.

"Miss Granger, we need to speak in private." The nurse interrupted their story time and Draco held back a quick retort about what she could do with her need for information. Something about shoving it somewhere unpleasant for nurse, but probably not the best thing to say at that moment.

"I'm not going anywhere," he replied, squeezing Hermione's hand gently. He stopped caring about what the headmaster was going to see, he couldn't balance the two of them and he'd promised Hermione to take care of her. He hadn't promised to be discrete about it, though he would have liked to.

"It's okay, Madam Pomfrey, I want Draco to stay," Hermione said and squeezed his hand back.

"Miss Granger it's _personal_ questions." Hermione blushed, rosy tinges hitting her cheeks briefly. Nothing he didn't already know he was sure. He knew way too much about Hermione's personal life in the last day, what more could he be missing?

"I'll be fine, he knows more than you think," Hermione continued blush growing more but he could see the tears starting to well and the blush turned from girlish shyness to remembering and fearfulness. He squeezed again and her grip tightened but didn't loosen. She looked into his eyes, pleading. Pleading for what? What could he do now? She seemed to want him to do something but he couldn't say what. Didn't know what she wanted. She looked at him apologetically before opening her mouth and color drained from his face again.

Oh no she wouldn't…she couldn't…

"We're involved…er…sexually."

… She did.

Bloody hell, when had she become such a good fucking liar? Together? Sexually? What the fuck did that mean? He'd never even though of her like that and now they were a…a what? A thing? Boyfriend, girlfriend? Fucking fuck buddies? Oh hell, if this got around the rumor mill that 'didn't exist' he'd be done for. His life was over if it got out that they were sexually together, even though it was a flat out lie. Weasley and Potter would kill him for starts and if they didn't, the rest of the school would. Slytherin house will be unbearable. He might as well go hang himself now.

She squeezed his hand tighter and he glowered back at her. He wanted to scream bullshit. He wanted to yell and scream and deny it. _Lie_ was on the tip of his tongue, until he saw the fear in her eyes. Her firewhiskey eyes red with tears and fear and regret and hopelessness. The pleading look on her face.

He couldn't do it. Merlin help him but he couldn't call her out on her lie. His reaction had been noted by the adults though, much to his dismay. Pomfrey glared at him, lips pursed.

"You don't agree, Mister Malfoy?" she stated simply, trying to prove Hermione was lying. Grasping at straws.

"Just…" he faltered, he could do this, could play along. It wasn't true, they weren't _involved_ as she had said. "Just we weren't going to…tell anyone…you know…just yet…keep it secret." He bore his steel grey into her red rimmed whiskey eyes and he knew she could see his effort to not scream the truth. She'd pushed him to the edge and a part of him dared her to push him over it. He couldn't believe that in twenty four fucking hours his life had gone to such shit and confusion. He needed the whiskey her eyes reminded him of.

"I'm afraid that doesn't explain the…extent of the damage you have, Miss Granger," Madam Pomfrey still had her lips pursed. She knew Granger was lying, she just couldn't prove it. How was Hermione going to explain that one? What that they were into bondage and torture? Oh that would go over well. No, he wouldn't put up with that if she…

"We uh…we like it rough…" Oh blood fucking hell. He resisted the strong, overwhelming urge to roll his eyes and smack her in the head. No, he couldn't deal with the nurse and headmaster thinking he liked torturing girls for fun. It was too much like his father…what he'd seen at the Manor so many times before. No he had to put a stop to her now. Worse part was that the nurse seemed to be okay with that. Bloody bitch! He wasn't like that! He wasn't sure who he was angrier at now, Hermione for saying that shit or the nurse for believing it.

He turned his gaze away, trying to compose himself and turned his head right into Dumbledore's twinkling eyes again. They shone brightly and Draco couldn't tell if he purposefully put a twinkle charm on them or if he really just had exceptionally bright eyes. Either way, he had to play along or they were both screwed. The nurse huffed.

"While I don't, _condone,_ those types of acts in this school, you are of age now. All I can advise you is be careful. Hermione you and I will be discussing contraceptive charms when you are feeling better. Mister Malfoy, I expect you to…be gentler in the future." The nurse paled slightly at the last statement but perked up quickly. She seemed to be back in her element, dealing with something that she'd probably dealt with far more times than rape. Rowdy teenagers were easy in comparison he figured. She didn't seem to be completely in agreement with their story but she was holding her tongue at least.

"There are no rules," the headmaster started, and both Hermione and Draco looked up at him again, "against these acts, but they are highly frowned upon. Especially since you are both Heads of Houses, please remember that in the future. Hermione you will stay here and let Poppy here treat you. You are excused from classes for the day. Mister Malfoy I expect you to take over her duties for the next two days to give her time to recover and catch up on back-homework. Poppy, please come by my office in the morning." Dumbledore seemed extra tired after all that had happened and been _wrongly_ exposed, like he'd had enough of teenagers to last him a lifetime. Draco was sure this wasn't the headmaster's first chastising, probably wouldn't be his last if he knew his fellow students well enough.

"Off to bed with you, Draco. Hermione will need her sleep as will you. I expect you to get her work in the classes you share; I'll tell Harry to get the rest." Hermione shot up, throwing her hands out as if to grab the headmaster.

"No, no! Please, I don't want Harry or Ron to know I'm here. They…they wouldn't understand as well as you and Madam Pomfrey do. They'd disown me and murder Draco." Draco scoffed; he'd like to see them try. But wasn't he just saying they would earlier? Dumbledore seemed to consider and nodded gently.

"Alright, I will send messages to all your teachers and Draco will pick up all your work." He leveled his gaze to Draco. "That does not give you a means to be late, Mister Malfoy, understood?" Draco nodded and the headmaster left. He internally rolled his eyes at the man's retreating back. His life just kept swirling down the piss pot didn't it? Now he had extra duties between classes and meals and homework and…bloody hell Granger owed him for this!

"Right then, off to bed with you Mister Malfoy. You can see her after classes tomorrow." The nurse shooed him off and he stood but didn't let go of Hermione's hand. Should they play this up? If they were sexually involved then maybe he should, he didn't know…kiss her? No, no he'd had enough time with her mouth for one night. He settled for brushing his lips against her knuckles, turned and fled as fast as reasonable. He missed the blush that tinged her cheeks again. It was going to be a long, _long_ fucking year.

a/n sorry about the delay. I have the flu and its gross and nasty and blegh. I'm posting what I have, and it's been beta'd by my fever mind so sorry for typos and such. I meant to have a Hermione POV after she woke up but…it isn't working out in my head yet. So in my feverish state I'm saying to hell with Hermione's POV and snuggling up to Draco instead. Shh don't tell my husband.

Please review! It'll make me feel loads better, may even break me out of my feverish state and I'll get another chappy up soon? Thank you to my reviewers for last chapter my daughter giggled while I danced and did a little jig with me. Let me know how I'm doing! Liking what you're reading? Wishing it would go in a different direction? Too fast? Too slow? Want to see more of someone? I'm writing this as it comes out with a very brief outline in place so I have loads and loads of play with this story. Let me know lovelies! r/r : - )


	6. Clean Up At the Crossroads

**Chapter 6: Clean Up At the Crossroads**

**Warnings: More lovely foul language, the suicide scene in remembrance.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anyone or anything but if someone wanted to loan me Draco…even for just a day…I wouldn't say no!

**A/N: **Wow….wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much for all the reviews! I danced for each and my daughter laughed and danced with me! I had more reviews for the last chapter than all the others combined! Thank you all! I am feeling better, it took 5 days and two antibiotics to feel halfway human again but yay for feeling better! Now on with the story…

**-HG-**

Oh. My. Gods. What did I just do? Hermione watched horrified as Draco's lengthy frame exited the wing. He was fleeing and she couldn't blame him. What on earth had possessed her to say that…that they were…she couldn't even finish the sentence. She'd just wanted them to back off. She hadn't wanted anyone to know what had really happened. Hadn't wanted them to look at her with those pitiful eyes and then hear their judgments of her. She didn't even know how she felt about it all right now and she didn't want to have to explain it.

Gods she was such an idiot. She couldn't even properly kill herself without blundering it up. She remembered… it had been harder than she'd imagined writing those letters. They were tear stained and wrinkled even after the many drafts. She'd burned plenty of parchment in trying to make them sound perfect. She wanted her loved ones to not have any questions afterwards. So much parchment…

It had been even harder to convince herself to take that breath once she was under the water, the stone heavy on her chest. It had been so heavy. It was a boulder from America. She'd taken it as a memento, shrank it down, weightless at the time. It had been her wandless magic practice piece, trying to lift it without her wand and she had gotten good at it. She couldn't have thought of anything more fitting than her raw magic fighting against the very object she'd been using to strengthen it with. Her body had fought against her, her magic had tried to levitate her out but after the last day she was so weak plus the heavy stone, it faltered and went silent…just like it had the night before.

It had succumb to what her mind had told her was her only option, she'd taken that breath, her tears mixing with the water before they could fall. She'd only been able to think about the pain after that. Fire in her lungs, cold fire. She'd felt her body reject it, trying to cough it out and she'd sobbed, there under the water.

Hermione's life had played like a film real in front of her eyes. Her first novel from her parents. First day at Dragon School Prep and her first A in class. Finding out she was a witch and her first day at Hogwarts. The troll Ron and Harry had saved her from. Hearing Malfoy's voice saying 'you filthy little mudblood'. Seeing the basilisk's eyes in the mirror. Staring her werewolf teacher in the eye. Yule ball. Capturing and threatening Rita Skeeter. Her trip to America. Head Girl. Finally, _his _voice.

'_You deserve this, mudblood.'_ His hands, his laugh, the mud, the blood, the pain. Her magic failing her. The silence.

She'd begun to feel afraid. The feeling of the fire still burning in her lungs had started to recede. The world became less clear to her mind. But still she remembered him. And how everything had been ruined by him. Everything. But then Malfoy…

Her lack of oxygen had gotten to her. Images of Draco in the hallway, in the bathroom, in her rooms started to flitter past her now closed eyes. His chiseled face, his smirk, his promises. The brief flicker of something she didn't know what in his eye when they'd locked gazes. She'd started to think maybe this wasn't her most brilliant idea. Started to regret her plan, and pushed at the small stone, small but heavy and un-budging even with the waters help. Consciousness was so far away and she couldn't reach it any longer. The feeling had gone from her fingers and she couldn't open her eyes anymore. She'd just wanted to sleep. She'd been so tired…but Draco…

And then there'd been nothing. Nothing until Draco had pumped the water out of her body. She wasn't sure how she felt about it all now. She was furious he foiled her plan, but she was grateful at the same time. She hadn't really wanted to die. She'd just wanted the pain to go away. Just wanted…she didn't know. Her life back maybe?

Hermione sat on the hospital bed rocking herself back and forth. Madam Pomfrey had returned with even more potions. She'd taken so many when she'd been woken up. All she could think about was where was Draco? She remembered seeing his face, recognizing him instantly. He'd saved her again. Then he'd brought her here and she was pissed at him but still, he'd saved her. She owed him a life's debt now, possibly two. She didn't know how to respond to that thought.

She'd lived because…well because Draco Malfoy cared enough to save her. Well wasn't that just the oddest thing to ever happen…ever. And she'd repaid him by shoving him into a false relationship with her to cover her own problems. He hadn't been happy she could tell. His silver steel eyes had bore into hers and she just knew he'd been planning several different ways to kill her.

And then she'd driven it home by saying that they were into…rough play? Her cheeks reddened again, getting a response from the head nurse who fussed over her asking if she'd developed a fever. She declined and just said she was flush from the stagnant air. She downed the potions the nurse gave her, one of them tasting ever so familiar. Dreamless Sleep. Oh hell…

Her last thought was something to the effect of _how am I going to get us out of this mess?_ before sleep overtook her once more.

**-DM-**

Draco was fuming; steam could be seen pouring out his ears he was sure. He was absolutely bloody pissed. The bitch! He should just walk away right now. Tell her fuck off and bloody find someone else to help her lie her way through life.

He _NEVER_ signed up for this bullshit. The hallways were a blur to him as he made his way quickly to his dorm, to a relatively insanity free zone. He stopped at the crossroads. He could turn right and down to the dungeons, where his dorm and bed were waiting invitingly for him. Or he could turn left and to her dorms. There was a mess to clean up, water all over the floor, paintings to put right. Part of him wanted to just say fuck it all and just go to bed like he was told. The other part told him it wouldn't do either of them any good for her to come back to her would be death bed…well death bath, but who's being particular right now.

It was like the angel and the devil sitting on his shoulder. Somehow he knew this decision would be more than to sleep or not to sleep. It was more than cleaning her mess or ignoring it exists. It was, quite literally, whether he was going to continue with her ludicrous story about them being…_involved._ His mind spat the word as if it tasted sour and bitter and stale all at once.

So there he stood. It was a fork in the road, no a fork in his life. Each side had pros and cons. If he went right, he'd be free of this insanity. He'd be free to do whatever the hell he wanted. He could be Head Boy and graduate at the top of the class and work towards some kind of future after his school years were over with nary a thought to her health. But that was all at the cost of possibly her life again. And if that were to happen, at the cost of his sanity. Plus there were his blasted promises that were really biting him hard _right-there_ in the ass.

Then there was left. To her room, to her turmoil and fears and bloody who knew what else that was coming for him with his new _involvement_ with her_._ Pro, she owed him a life debt already so he'd be in a better position to have her fulfill that. He wouldn't have to worry about her being alone. He could watch after her and help her through this. But could he deal with her attempting to off herself again? Being maybe too late the next time, even though he had been there for her? Could he really save her yet again? That is if she tried it again. He could prevent it better now, he thought.

His vision narrowed and everything went silent around him. Left. Right.

'_I don't need you anymore.'_

'_Go away.'_

_Tear stains down her cheeks._

_Broken, bleeding. _

_Dead._

_Breathing._

_Relief._

He went left. Merlin strike him down now, but he went left. She'd crawled under his skin at some point. Hermione Granger had nestled right there, like a parasite and refused to give up her claim. He couldn't back away now. Blaise would probably have words for him, given recent events. But he couldn't bring himself to think, what if he hadn't made it in time?

For all the reasons he'd tortured her before, those were the reasons he couldn't turn away now. She wasn't his equal, but she proved she was every day. She wasn't pureblood but was smarter and more gifted than any other witch he knew. She was strong and he hated that. He'd strived to break her down when he was younger because her strength had been intimidating and he was a Malfoy. Malfoy's don't get intimidated, especially not because of a know it all muggleborn. She'd seen more adventure and fighting than he ever even cared to think about. Proven herself many times over. He didn't care about her, but he didn't want her gone forever either. She'd become part of his life, for better or worse. She'd definitely brought out the better and the worse in him over the years.

Peace settled over his shoulders as he walked to her dorm. He was making the right decision. It went against everything he was, but then again, he didn't really know who he was anymore. His father had stripped him of everything, remember? His identity, his sense of societal standing, his ideals and standards. All of that had been stripped from him when he realized what a crazy bigot his father was. So what did he care if he was looking after Hermione Granger, brightest witch of their age, muggleborn, rape victim, suicide survivor? Wow, so much had happened to her in such a short time.

He pulled his spine straighter. She'd make it through because damnit, he wanted her to. And he always got what he wanted. She _will_ live, and she _will_ move on and she _will_ accept his bloody help!

He knew he'd reached her dorm, not because he could see her door, but because when he turned the corner Daeira stopped her pacing and tore into him. Hell, he was tired. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He waited for her to come to an end about how worried she'd been and how she should have gone straight to the headmaster. She lectured on how he should have taken care of her and how horrid of a guard she was that she couldn't even keep her charge safe.

"She's fine, no harm at all. Don't be so hard on yourself. Now, to acquire knowledge, one must study," he said tiredly. She huffed and crossed her arms.

"Why should I let you in? Every time you come here she's worse off than she was before. I don't know what you're doing to her but I won't stand for it. I'm going to the headmaster!" She spun on her heal and made to leave her painting, most likely to follow through with her threat. Draco groaned, this was not his night.

"Wait, it isn't what it looks like. Like I told you before she was…hurt and now I'm taking care of her. She…she's just worse than I originally thought. But everything is fine now. She's in the hospital wing recovering. She'll be back later on in the day." He didn't know why he was so desperate for the student to believe him, but it scared him that she would indeed go to the headmaster.

The portrait calmed and seemed to consider what he said, and for that he breathed a sigh of relief. "But to acquire wisdom, one must observe. I swear on the oil of my painting Mister _Malfoy_, if you can't help her I _will_ find someone who can." And with that she flopped down behind her table and the door swung open.

_Bloody nosey painting, _he thought as he crossed into her dorm. It was still dark, it being only about four am now but there was the faintest hint of dawn on the horizon. He felt weight settle on his shoulders again. No sleep for two days now but insomnia seemed to be the least of his problems now.

He lit the fire and the room came into full view. He glanced around, paintings still turned around but otherwise everything was still in its place. At least from what he could remember. But there. There on the coffee table. His brain couldn't…no wouldn't process what his eyes had fallen on. The letter he thought she hadn't written.

"Oh, hell."

He begged his feet not to move, pleaded to his fingers not to open the envelope addressed to him in the most perfect loopy calligraphy he'd ever seen. He willed his eyes not to read the neatly written words on the parchment inside. He forced his stomach to not revolt against the tear drops next to the horrible words left for him.

It was so…perfect. All the lose ends were tied up with specific instructions for him. Do's and don'ts of delivering the letters within the envelope. She'd wanted him to…she'd thought he would do that? Deliver her last words? To Weasley and Potter…her parents? His mind reeled from her words.

'_Please deliver these letters to the following…'_

'_Do be kind to my parents, I'm trusting that you'll have more class than to sneer at them…'_

'_Don't goad Ron and Harry…'_

'_This is how you can help…remember your promise…'_

'_I'm sorry, Draco…'_

He wanted to tear it up, _incendio_ it right there in his hand. Her words hurt almost as much as if she was really gone while he was reading them. His chest hurt. His eyes burned. His temper flared. At what he wasn't sure, the giving up part probably. Making him break the news to everyone. She'd been a coward and that pissed him off. She was bigger than this. It was possibly her best work; every word had been well thought through, perfect penmanship, no mistakes, and no ink blotches. Just tear stains. She'd spent time and probably rewritten it many times.

He felt sick, but then…she wasn't dead. He didn't have to do this. He was angry at her yes, but at least he could be angry at her in person. Oh she'd get an earful from him. About it all, everything, from the time he found her in the greenhouse until he saw her again, he was going to _make_ her talk to him. Rape victim or not, she was going to talk to him about what had happened, on _both nights_.

He folded the parchment back into the envelope and pocketed it. He wasn't going to let her destroy it when she came back. He turned all the paintings around, amused that she'd even turned the landscape paintings around as well. Then he went to clean the bathroom. He _scourgified_ the bathroom floor of her vomit. He dried the waterremaining on the floor.

Draco drained the tub and then _scourgified _it as well. There was a stone left. He hadn't seen it before when he'd pulled her out of the water. He could barely pick it up now, it was surprisingly heavy and he assumed it must have been shrunk at some point but no weightless spell had been put on it. Odd but he'd seen witches and wizards do stranger things. It must have been what had held her down in the water. He hated that stone at that moment. He wanted it gone so badly, like it was the reason for everything that had happened. It was irrational but he was allowed to be irrational after the day he'd had. Was he projecting his anger poorly on a defenseless object? Probably, but so what? He aimed carefully, as not to hit the tub, and blew it into a million pieces with a well practiced _reducto._

Draco didn't care what it had been for before now. He didn't care if it was important to her because it was tainted now anyway. He didn't want her to see it again; he didn't want to see it again. He stood in the bathroom, trying to hold himself together. She'd barely, almost died right _there_.

He turned heel and fled the bathroom. He'd had enough 'almosts' for one night. She'd almost died. He'd almost been too late. He'd almost given up on her. He'd almost killed her for her bloody dumb ass idea of them being _involved._ He'd almost admitted he cared about her. He was almost asleep on his feet. He needed to go to bed, he had classes in the morning, and he knew he would skip breakfast in lieu of sleep. Running through the day tomorrow was his future. Bloody Hermione, he probably would have gotten the day off as well but no, it was now _his_ fault she was in the hospital wing. So he had to get her homework and he had to do her duties on top of his own shit.

Giving the room one last once over he turned and went to his dorms, he spoke no words to her guardian, just a swift trip to the dungeons and as quiet as he could possibly make it.

Sleep had never felt _so good_ and ended so quick.

**-HG-**

Hermione sat there pretending, possibly for the first time ever, to listen to the medi-witch talk about contraceptive spells and muggle forms of birth control. She pretended to be embarrassed at the right times and knowledgeable at others. She honestly couldn't give an owl's hoot about any of this. For one, she'd already studied how to cast contraceptive charms and her parents had put her on birth control just before she turned sixteen, or the summer before fifth year. They'd told her it would make them feel better, knowing she was protected, so she'd been taking it religiously ever since.

It was the only reason why she wasn't going out of her mind crazy wondering if she could be pregnant, because he hadn't used any…well he'd _raped_ her, so it wasn't like he'd been looking out for her protection. She wasn't even sure if he'd finished in her or at all…by that time she had been blissfully unaware of her surroundings. She shuddered at the memory and pushed it away. She couldn't afford to lose it in front of Pomfrey.

"Are you alright, dear? Not too cold are you?" The break in the monotony broke Hermione out of her thoughts.

"Wha-? Oh, I'm fine, just a shiver. A tingle, more like. Please, continue." The nurse gave her one of her frequent I-don't-believe-you-and-I-will-find-out-eventually -so-tell-me-the-truth-now looks that peppered her eyes so often lately. Hermione sighed, as long as the woman didn't press; she wasn't going to give in to that look. She hadn't worked this hard so far to keep it a secret to give it all up now. Plus Draco would be pissed if she just up and told after all the hoops he'd gone through for her already.

Draco…

She'd have to face him tonight, after _everything_ that had happened. It had been one thing for him to play rescue boy after the rape but now…after the bathroom incident in the common room bath, the other bathroom horror in her own bath and her proclamation about being in a…Gods what had she meant by that?

She'd just blurted it out without thinking. What had she said exactly? 'Involved sexually' and 'we like it rough'. Well then…if that didn't clear things up to a nice puddle of mud she didn't know what would. She was going to go to hell for that one.

So they were now sexually involved and liked it rough. That didn't mean they were a couple, but also meant they didn't hate each other. Well, they hadn't hated each other since fifth year so, that was mute point. They weren't friends though, so they couldn't be 'friends with benefits', as her muggle friends would say. Or could they?

Harry and Ron would be an obstacle to get over no matter what they decided to do. They would never accept Draco as one of their friends. They didn't hate…well _Harry_ didn't hate Draco anymore. Ron still rode off the Weasley/Malfoy feud that she wasn't entirely sure still legally existed anymore. She knew he wouldn't budge on his bred in hatred, even if she asked on her behalf. Probably even if she and Draco somehow ended up married with two kids and ninety years old, Ron would still hate him. That was just how he was.

Harry however, Harry would probably just smile, tell her he wasn't happy about it but for her he would at the very least try to be civil, maybe even try having a Butterbeer with him someday. He'd kiss her temple or half hug and then stew about it later when she wasn't around. He'd take the brunt of Ron's outrage, being his best mate gave him the joy of that duty. She'd apologize to him and yell at Ron for having the emotional range of a teaspoon again. And…wait a minute?

Why in the bloody hell was she trying to rationalize out a long term relationship with Draco Malfoy? It wasn't like she wanted them all to be chums and hang out together. She definitely didn't want a true relationship with him. She had just slipped and messed up in front of two people, who weren't friends or enemies. Well Dumbledore was a friend but not the kind that would go blabbing to other housemates. No one knew about their 'Sexual Involvement' except the four of them so why was she worrying?

"Hermione, are you listening?" Madam Pomfrey scowled at her patient and Hermione knew she'd been caught not paying attention. She needed a cover story…fast.

"I'm sorry, I was uh…I guess I dozed off for a moment. Left over sleep draught maybe?" She was hopeful the nurse wouldn't pay her scatter brain any mind. It seemed she was in the clear when the nurse gave her another –look- and continued with her seemingly never ending sex ed class. Hermione wanted to make a sign that said 'For Stress Relief, Bang Head Here", put in on a wall and follow the directions. She just wanted to go back to her dorms, back to her things and try to put her life back in order.

Oh Gods, her dorms. What a mess they must have left. Her rooms with the paintings backwards and the vomit on the bathroom floor, she remembered. The water that must be everywhere, smelling god-awful by now she was sure. She groaned internally. Well it was her bed she made; so she would have to lay in it…so to speak. Perhaps that hadn't been the best idiom to use. She heard the medi-witch sigh loudly and turned her attention reluctantly back to the never ending torture.

"Miss Granger, you may not care about what I am saying to you, but could you at least have the decency to pretend to be paying attention."

"I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey, I'm just all out of sorts today and can't concentrate. May I go back to my rooms now and sleep it all off? Am I healed enough to go?" She was scrutinized closely by the Nurse. Pomfrey cast a spell with her wand and called for a slew of potions.

"I'm only allowing this because Mister Malfoy seemed intent on following your recovery and I know you are smart enough to follow my directions without mucking them up. Now, these are more Dreamless sleep if you need. I trust you'll know if you need it or not." She gestured to two of the bottles now sitting in a row on the nightstand. Hermione eyed the purple liquid inside; she really was starting to hate those bottles.

The nurse held up two more bottles, the inside was redish in color and somewhat misty. It rolled around like a ghost doing summersaults. "These are for pain management; a _sip_ should be all that you'll need. I would suggest mixing it in your pumpkin juice or tea, it tastes awful.

"These are for you to take in the morning and at night for the next two days." She held up two small jars, each with small grey-black blobs inside. It reminded Hermione of how Play-Dough would look if she mixed all the colors together for hours. "Crush a knut size ball down to a powder and put the granules under your tongue. You'll need to hold it under there until they are completely dissolved. I did this while you were asleep before because the experience is…less that desirable." She made a face had Hermione growing a bit worried at how she was going to deal with doing that awake.

"What will happen?" Hermione asked, wanting to know what exactly she would be dealing with.

"Once under your tongue your heart will race and will continue until it is completely dissolved. Your heart rate will return back to normal. Once dissolved you'll feel your chest tighten and breathing might become rapid for a minute or two, not any longer so no need to panic. Everything is temporary. The most important part is after everything seems to be back to normal you will cease to breath. You won't be able to use your lungs at all. Again, Miss Granger, this is temporary so do not panic, understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am. What is this for though?" Hermione didn't think anything she had to take that stopped her breathing was something she wanted near her at the moment. She'd had plenty enough of not breathing for a while.

"They are to restore the lost lung tissue from being without oxygen for so long. The rest of the cells have been healed with your first few doses but lung tissue takes a longer time to heal. That is why you stop breathing, to give the body and potion a chance to heal or discard the cells that are damaged. Thank goodness Mister Malfoy found you when he did; no real brain damage had occurred otherwise you wouldn't be allowed to leave here for quite some time. You should be thanking him, as I didn't hear a thank you last night."

"I'll be sure to do that the next I see him." Hermione knew a chastising when she heard it. She hadn't properly thanked Draco for saving her life because she wasn't sure she was exactly thankful just yet. She was glad she wasn't dead, so that was something. But…well she'd think about it all later. She turned back to the nurse who had gone a particularly pale shade of pink and her stern gaze seemed to falter slightly.

"And please don't let your…ahem…endeavors with Mister Malfoy bring you back here in that state again. You're only given one body, Miss Granger. While I can fix many things, sometimes it's best to just be _nice_ to our bodies. Something your friend Mister Potter doesn't do well." She added the last part under her breath, seeming a little cross at how often Hermione's best friend finds himself under the Nurse's charge. She smiled a bit inside; it felt good to smile, even briefly.

"Okay well that about covers it all. Please don't hesitate to come back if you have any questions or concerns."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. I won't." Hermione hurried to put her school robe…school robe? When had…Draco. _He must have covered me once again_. At least she hadn't been naked completely this time. It was time to go back to her rooms and face her personal hell again.

It had been nice, pretending nothing had happened, being properly healed and no longer in excruciating pain. It made ignoring what happened a lot easier. But it was still there, _he_ was still there. She could still feel him crawling under her skin but she had to argue that it wasn't as unbearable as it had been right after. There'd been some sort of relief finally.

She stared down at the bottles trying to figure out how exactly to carry them to her room without them being seen. If she'd had her wand she would be able to shrink them to pocket size and there would be no problem. But she didn't have her wand, which was a big problem, especially since she would be returning to classes tomorrow. What was she going to do? She didn't think she could go out and look for it, at least not alone. Perhaps Draco would be willing to go with her? It was in the Forbidden Forest so they would be risking a lot going and looking for it. But it wasn't like she could just run over to Ollivander's and get a new one.

She'd have to beg Draco to take her out to look for it. Maybe there was a locator spell that she hadn't heard of yet that she could research when she returned to her rooms. She'd gotten several new books over the summer; perhaps one of those had something? She wasn't sure but it was worth the effort, rather than traipsing around in the Forbidden Forest looking for a small thin piece of brown wood looking exactly like every other stick out there. A needle in a hay stack, her dad would tell her.

She finally resorted to nicking a pillow case off her used pillow and carried them that way. Not the most beautiful or one of her more brilliant ideas but it would do for now. She just had to carry them gently as not to tip them over inside the sack. She'd chosen a good time to leave the wing because classes were still in session and it was before the seventh year's classes started to taper off for the afternoon. Hermione was more than ecstatic about being able to walk normally again and it made the trip so much quicker.

Deidre was elated to see her again and remarked on how her color had returned. She'd mentioned that she was getting rather tired of "that Malfoy boy" coming by without her there and that made Hermione start. Malfoy had been to her room since he'd found her? Why would he do that? He didn't have to look after her while she was in the hospital so she was certain he would have been as far away from her as possible.

She smiled and thanked her guardian, said the pass-phrase and went inside. She'd expected the room to look how she'd left it. Paintings turned around and nothing else out of place. All the paintings however, were turned right side around. Her fire hadn't yet been started as it was still afternoon but it was pleasantly warm. Nothing had been messed around with that she could see. But wait, that wasn't right. She'd left the letter on the table and it was gone now. Draco must have found it. She didn't know how she felt about that. True, it was addressed to him and he had by all means permission to take it as she'd told him to. But things were different now. She wasn't dead, and she felt like he was somehow invading her privacy.

_Well that's just fucked up. You don't get to just change your mind as you see fit_, her mind argued. It was true she couldn't. It wasn't fair to do that to him. He had every right to take it, but that didn't change that she wished he'd never found it.

Hermione went to the couch and pulled the blanket around her shoulders, the room suddenly very large and chilly. It wasn't that many hours ago that she'd been busy prepping for her grand exit from this world and now all she could think about was how stupid she'd been. She'd never wanted to give up, to give in to something so much in her life. But once she had she'd regretted it. She still regretted it.

Somehow the pain, the physical pain, had made everything worse. Every shameful thought had followed with a stabbing sensation somewhere. Her depression, as fast as it had came on, had been felt so forcefully that all she'd wanted to do was just…go away. Go to sleep. Go to a better place. She'd just wanted to feel safe again. Now that she was still here and still coping and still living, it didn't seem quite as impossible as it had before.

_Why? What changed so drastically?_ She wondered.

The pain was one thing yes. But she doubted that pain could cause her to be that hopeless, even after what had happened to her. No, something else other than pain had changed. She didn't feel alone anymore. She'd felt so disconnected from the world but now it seemed closer, though still distant and just out of her reach. She couldn't face Harry and Ron and the rest of the school though. She wasn't ready for that, not yet. But she had Draco.

Draco.

He was the most irritating, arrogant, selfish man she'd ever met, but he kept coming back for her. In the beginning it had been spite and hate that kept him coming back to her. Cutting and slashing her with his words and taunts. But he'd been a constant in that regards. Then he'd renounced his father and he'd halted the biting remarks towards her and had silently offered her a truce. A truce that she'd just as silently taken. He'd remembered her even though his own world had come crashing down on him. At the time she'd thought nothing about it, thought nothing about him really. But now, almost as if seeing him for the first time, she was beginning to notice things, beginning to notice him.

And now he'd saved her life not once but twice in less than twenty four hours. He kept coming back for her. That alone scared the bejeebies out of her. What an odd pickle, her mother use to say though Hermione never understood the expression.

She'd thought earlier that he'd wanted to just get some dirt on the precious Gryffindor Princess and then turn it on her later, but what kind of leverage did he have now? If he told anyone he would have to admit to saving a pathetic mudblood, something she was sure he didn't want to admit to. He could have just let her die and all his problems would have gone away.

So why? Why did Draco Malfoy, heir to the Malfoy estate, number one prick of the school, the Slytherin Prince himself, all of a sudden decide that she, Hermione Granger, heir to nothing, goody two-shoes of the school and the Gryffindor Princess, was worth saving? Maybe he wasn't such a bad boy after all. Although, he'd probably kill her just for thinking that thought.

As if thinking of him made him materialize, the portrait swung open and in waltzed the Slytherin Prince carrying his school bag and an overload of extra scrolls of parchment. He looked none too pleased with his day and she had to hold back a snigger at the picture he painted before her. She couldn't remember ever seeing him so flustered just from a school day.

"Rough day?" she asked as he tossed everything half heartedly next to one of the chairs by the fireplace. He looked at her and her insides flipped. Whether at attraction or mortification, she wasn't sure. His eyes were sunken into his face and his hair seemed less…silky? than usual, stringy almost. He looked tired and grumpy and really she couldn't blame him. She'd put him through the ringer the last couple of days. She'd have to be nice to him now, she thought sadly.

"Like you wouldn't believe, Granger," he snipped out while digging into his pack. "Here." He produced a small piece of parchment for each class and handed her a few one foot rolls as well. The rolls were copies of the notes he'd taken in the classes they shared.

He reminded her of "The Night Before Christmas" story she'd read every Christmas Eve. The line: "He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work. He filled all the stockings and turned with a jerk." Yes, that explained him perfectly right now. He was set on getting what he had to do out of the way and he was completely silent while doing so. He even jerked towards her when he was done and he, not realizing just how hilarious he was to her right now, was looking at her with a very confused expression at the laughing girl in front of him.

"What is so bloody hilarious?" He sounded so tired and that brought her mirth down a peg or two. Gods what was wrong with her? First she couldn't stop crying and now everything seemed so completely hilarious. She was loosing her mind!

"You just reminded me of someone," she tried for subtle and vague. He'd kill her if he knew she was comparing him to a fat guy in a red coat who smoked a pipe and slid down chimneys for a living. No, she'd just decided she wanted to live, no sense in poking the dragon into killing her.

"Who?" he sounded generally interested but she just couldn't…she started to giggle again at the idea of Draco wearing a Santa suit. The chimney scene in her head, blonde hair covered in soot, had her sides in stitches from laughter.

"Fuck, Granger, have you gone completely daft?" He shook his head and just watched her laugh until tears came down her face. She really was losing her mind.

"I'm sorry…just…give me…a minute to…catch…my breath," she panted out between large intakes of air as she tried to calm herself down.

"Please do before you pass out," he ground out and watched her out of the corner of his eye, as if she may break out into another round of ridiculous giggles again. Once she'd composed herself she resolved not to think of him in a red coat in his presence ever again, lest he think she were truly nutters.

"Sorry. Ahem," she cleared her throat. "These are the notes from class then? Thank you." She tried to sound professional. He seemed to relax fractionally at the normalcy to her tone.

"Yes, you're welcome. Luckily it was just a review day today in most classes. Mid-terms coming up so most teachers are trying to pretend to teach while not wanting to add more to their tests. Good day to miss really." The friendly chat was foreign to them but it seemed almost comfortable.

"Good, good. I trust no one gave you any trouble then?" she asked thinking specifically about two boys who may or may not have been awake enough in their potions class to notice her absence that morning.

"Few odd looks from your teachers but otherwise no. Weasel and Potter seemed agitated but nothing too strenuous for them," he said with a half smirk on his lips.

"Be nice," was all she said in reply. They fell into a mostly comfortable silence before he ruined it. Her good mood was gone in an instant and she just wanted to slap him for trashing her good mood.

"I found the letter you wrote to me…"

**a/n:** Sorry there wasn't much Draco in this one. I felt Hermione needed some non horrid moments. Before anyone thinks this to be too out of character, going from suicide to laughing in such a short amount of time, it can happen. It has to do with coping mechanisms and outlets for pain, both physical and mental. Hermione is dealing with two very large situations and she's just trying to keep her head above water and survive. On one side she's happy to be alive, on the other she can't imagine what's left for her to live for. Will develop all of that more in the next few chapters. I just couldn't bring myself to trash on her again.

"What an odd pickle," is something my mother says a lot. I don't know what she means by it…I mean pickles are odd anyway, so how do you get an odd pickle? But anyway ode to my mother there.

Quote: "Twas The Night Before Christmas" Poem by Clement Clarke Moore.

So in closing, please review! Please, please, please! They make me a better (and faster) writer and dancer ;-) Still like it? Want it to go in a certain direction? Let me know!

My daughter is still lovin' the review dance!


	7. A Whole Lot More Than Nothing

**Chapter 7: A Whole Lot More Than Nothing**

**Warnings: Language, arguments, and fluffy-ish scenes!**

**-DM-**

He stared at the brunette in front of him as if she had two heads. Hermione was laying there on the couch laughing at something that must have been quite hilarious to her. He shook his head. His body was so tired and his mind was shattered from the last two days. He'd spent all day running around doing Head duties and meals and classes and gathering her school work. He was exhausted and here she was happy as a cricket and laughing hysterically. Had someone slipped her too many pepper up potions or something?

"What is so bloody hilarious?" She seemed to be able to rein in her mirth fractionally, taking in a breath and breathing it out slowly. Well at least she'd stopped her ridiculous laughing.

"You just reminded me of someone." How could he have reminded her of someone? All he was doing was emptying out his pack. He wasn't even muttering to himself as he was prone to do after a long day of classes on very little sleep.

"Who?" He was intrigued but when she began laughing again to the point his own sides ached from watching her, he began to worry about her sanity. She had to have lost her mind at some point. Maybe she'd been dead longer than he thought? He'd have to talk to Madam Pomfrey and make sure she really was better. She kept laughing however, and he couldn't understand why. What was so bloody hilarious?

"Fuck, Granger, have you gone completely daft?" He shook his head in irritancy and just watched her laugh while tears ran down her face. At least they were happy tears this time. These didn't make him as nervous and uncomfortable. Well maybe slightly uncomfortable but not for the same reasons at least. Her breathing began to right itself and he noticed she was gripping her sides. She probably had a stitch the size of the castle by now.

"I'm sorry…just…give me…a minute to…catch…my breath," she panted out between large intakes of air as she tried to bring her hilarity to a minimum.

"Please do before you pass out," he ground out. He kept a watchful eye on her, as if she may break out into another round of ridiculous giggles again. She seemed to be able to pull herself together rather quickly once whatever she had been comparing him to had eased off her mind.

"Sorry. Ahem. These are the notes from class then? Thank you." She'd at least tried to sound professional, which he was grateful for. She was one extreme or the other lately. He didn't know how to deal with either one, though if he had to pick he would pick the hysterical laughter over the hysterical sobbing.

"Yes, you're welcome. Luckily it was just a review day today in most classes. Mid-terms coming up so most teachers are trying to pretend to teach while not wanting to add more to their tests. Good day to miss really." He'd had a long day of repeat lessons. He hated mid-terms more than finals. They were a pointless way for the teachers to not have to teach them anything but still give out a mountain of homework. They seemed to last forever too because there was no light at the end of the tunnel, it was only a halfway point so there was no break after the long week of preparing for the exams and then the long week of the exams themselves. He was tired just thinking about them.

"Good, good. I trust no one gave you any trouble then?" She seemed to have specific people she was referring to but he let it slide. He didn't want to go there today.

"Few odd looks from your teachers but otherwise no. Weasel and Potter seemed agitated but nothing too strenuous for them," he said with a half smirk on his lips. Weaslebee and Potty hadn't been too obnoxious that day, which was surprising. They'd been distracted and on edge but nothing too out of the ordinary. Their little minds hadn't strained too much he didn't think.

"Be nice," was all she said in reply. They fell into a mostly comfortable silence which that alone was odd for them. Now was the perfect time to talk to her, even though the silent truce that had been forged between them would suffer greatly, it needed to be done, and done now. They wouldn't be interrupted right now and he wanted…no needed some answers. What little time he'd had today to think to himself had been surrounded by thoughts of her. Of all the why's and what really happened's and who's and even more why's? He needed the answers that his mind was so desperately searching for.

"I found the letter you wrote to me…" _Well that was the direct way to bring it up_. The words had just popped out of his mouth without regards to how she might take them. He wanted to pull them back and swallow them down when he saw her face fall. The laughter that had danced in her rich brown eyes drained away and was replaced with a deep rooted hollow sadness. He was a prat for bringing it up but hell, he needed answers. He couldn't help her if he didn't know what really happened, either time.

"Oh…well…" she stammered and started chewing on her bottom lip. What was he expecting her to say to that in all reality? He hadn't really asked a direct question he'd just stated a fact. _You need to be more helpful,_ his subconscious scolded. This would be hard for her as it was so he should just ask the questions he needed answers to and leave it, and her, be.

"What happened?" _Oh brilliant, could you be any more vague?_ "I mean, what happened the other night, out in the greenhouse?" He was trying to be more specific but fuck this was hard. He didn't _talk_ to people normally, and they didn't talk to him for that matter. The only person he ever revealed himself to was Blaise and he knew Draco better than Draco did at times so he didn't have to really voice his problems they were just automatically known and understood. It was a blessing really.

"I don't really want to talk about it," she said with a small voice. He looked at her from his place in the room. He wasn't sitting; he was standing in the middle of the room almost looming over her. _That's helpful._ He moved his pack down onto the floor next to the chair and sat himself down gently.

"You need to talk about it and I need to know what happened to you," he said plainly. She wasn't going to back out of this, not this time.

"No, I don't and it's none of your business. I'd rather just forget about the last two days of my life and move on without people butting into my personal life." She curled herself into the blanket more as if hiding under it would make him back off. Not going to happen.

"What. Happened. Granger." Anger started to creep its way into his voice. He didn't want to argue about this. He didn't want her to be angry when talking about what had happened. He didn't want her to break down crying again, but it seemed that was the only way she was going to give up information. An overwhelming urge to just run away struck him but he pushed it down. It was the coward inside him that tried to avoid any and all confrontations which he had no control over. But he needed this information and she needed to talk so that was what was going to happen, come hell or high water.

"Nothing, Malfoy. Just drop it." She ground out his name just as he'd ground out hers. Fuck if she wasn't going to make this easy for either of them. He swallowed down the angry lump in his throat as her words sunk in. Nothing? _Nothing?_ Like bloody hell _nothing_ had happened. He wanted to shake her until the truth fell from her lips. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled she realized what an idiot she was being. She wasn't going to play the denial game with him. He didn't have the patience for that shit. He was tired and he wanted to get a good night's sleep and he wouldn't get even the smallest amount of sleep if he was worried about the unknowns that were surrounding her.

Something inside him snapped. How dare she slough everything off as if it hadn't changed anything? It had changed _everything_ for him. He didn't want to admit it but he had started feeling a change in himself. All the protective feelings he'd had and her beauty that had been such a surprise to him not even a day before. He was starting to feel like he had a purpose, taking care of her, being there for her. After everything with his father, everything that had been stripped from him, he now felt like he had a reason for being who he was and doing the things he did. That wasn't _nothing._ Not to him and he was beyond angry that she'd think it was.

How dare she call what he'd stumbled upon out in the hothouse and in the bathroom nothing. He knew she probably just wanted to drop the subject but she'd chosen a poor choice in words because all he wanted to do now was drill into her until she broke and told him everything. He wanted her to tell him about the _nothing_ that she was claiming it to be. Because…well because to him it had become nearly his everything in the last two days.

"Nothing? _NOTHING!_ Bloody fuck, Granger. _Nothing_ did not just bloody fucking happened to you!" He was losing his cool quickly but try as he might to rein himself in but his emotions became a runaway train and he was powerless to stop it. Images began to flash in his mind of her bleeding and covered in blood, her clothes filthy and in shreds, her body in the water. His lips and lungs breathing life back into her small frame. That wasn't nothing! That was definitely a rather large _something_! He started pacing as he usually does when trying to sort out his problems. He didn't comprehend he was standing or moving or doing anything other than being angry at the brunette in front of him.

"No, Granger. _Nothing_ is something you say when your mother asks 'what are you doing' when she knows you're getting yourself into trouble. _Nothing_ is what you say when your best mate asks what you're doing Saturday night and you have no plans. _Nothing_ isn't being found covered in your own blood and fucking half dead in the mother freaking hot house at fucks-o-clock in the morning. _Nothing_ isn't killing, or at least trying, and nearly succeeding I might add, to kill yourself in a bloody bathtub with a shrunken boulder. _Nothing_ isn't telling the medi-witch and the Headmaster, the _HEADMASTER_ of all people, that we are '_involved_ _sexually'_ and that we 'like it rough'. I mean of all the things you could have said… to say_ that_ when it you know it bloody well isn't true, I just wanted to kill you right then, but seeing as I just saved your bloody life I managed to not follow through."

He took a breath, finally pulling the train back to a manageable speed. "_Nothing_ may be a lot of things, Hermione, but it isn't what is going on here so don't even try to shoot off that bullshit to me."

He then became aware of where he was and what he was doing. He was standing and pacing, when exactly had he started that? Anger and resentment had filled him to the brim during his ranting at her and he stopped his harried movement to analyze himself. One little word and the restraint and control he always held so carefully in check had fractured and nearly completely disappeared. How did this one small woman make him go completely off his rocker so easily? It was unnerving.

She looked shocked at his outburst. She'd cowered even further into the couch and her eyes, her normally fire-y brown eyes were empty and muddy in color. He'd never lost control like that before, had he scared her? In hindsight he could imagine him losing his control would frighten just about anyone, as he'd never done it before. He was riding on no sleep and now that he was thinking about it, bringing this up at this moment wasn't one of his more brilliant ideas. He was paying the price now, but damnit he just needed to know what had happened to her!

He just stared down at her and watched the emotions flitter across her face. Sadness, despair, confusion, anger, resentment, it all crossed her face and he could tell she knew what she'd said, her little 'nothing' had been a huge _something_ to him. His heart was racing and he couldn't keep still any longer. He started up his pacing again, not as furiously but still the same back in forth on her rug in front of the fire place. He wished she'd say something. It was too quiet between them now. He'd said more than he should have already, it was her turn to do the talking. He could still taste the leather from his shoe that he'd decidedly placed firmly into his mouth just moments ago.

She stood and he watched as her back went straight and her chin hardened, grinding her teeth together. He looked on in amazement as the Hermione he knew _finally_ poked her head out and was going to stand up to him. So he'd pissed her off. _Well good_, he thought, _it's about time._ It was about time she felt something other than self pity and denial. Too bad it came at such a high price to him.

"Don't yell at me, Malfoy, don't you dare. I've been through enough already and I don't need you to start on me too. Go; leave, if I make you so damn furious. Go hex a first year for all I care, but don't yell at me. You're the only person who holds any power over me right now, true, but I won't allow you to think that it's okay to just rant away at me as if I don't have feelings. So if you don't like how I'm dealing with things then there's the bloody door."

She lifted her chin as if to dare him to walk out on her. She was testing him; this had to be a test. How many times did he have to say he was going to watch out for her, to help her through all this? He was getting exhausted trying to convince her that he wasn't going to hurt or leave her in the state she was in. But she had a point; he wasn't helping by yelling at her and she had been through enough. He'd been a prat for yelling but damnit she'd needed to hear it no matter how it was delivered.

"I don't want to go away or leave, or find the door. I promised you that I wouldn't. But what I do want is for you to admit that something really fucking horrible happened to you and that you can and need to deal with it and you're going to need _help_!" he shot back without the volume this time. She tossed her arms in the air, exasperated.

"Of course I know it wasn't _nothing_ you idiotic arse. I just wanted you to drop the fucking subject." Well he'd struck a nerve there. Miss Proper resorting to cursing, that was unexpected. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard her say anything worse than 'bloody' before. Well she'd told him to fuck off once. Eh, he was digressing. She was getting mad and he was okay with that. Mad he could deal with, he did mad well.

"Well, I don't." He punctuated his words by crossing his arms and frowning down at her, his height to his advantage right now.

"Too bloody bad, Malfoy. You can't make me talk. Just go away; like I said before, I don't need you or your damn promises." She flopped back down on the couch and crossed her own arms in stubbornness. He groaned in frustration, couldn't she just do things the easy way for once?

"I'm not leaving and yes, you are going to talk to me. This isn't all sunshine and roses for me either, Granger. But you need to get this out. You _need_ to talk to someone. You _need_ help. Since you're so ridiculously set on not telling anyone else about what happened then I guess I'm all you've got, so deal with it."

Deal with it; yes that is what he'd been doing since all this had started. Curse his insomnia, which was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He was dealing with it, one moment at a time. How was he supposed to help her if she wouldn't talk to him? _This is so frustrating!_ He wanted to scream and pull his hair out but he valued his pride and his hair too much to do so.

"What is it you want me to say?" Her voice had dropped down several octaves and grief had replaced the anger. She looked small and vulnerable again and his anger melted away and pooled in a sad puddle at his feet.

"Anything…something. Just, what the hell happened? And if you say nothing I will hex you." He added the last part because he wasn't so sure she wouldn't try that line again. He really would hex her if he had to. But to his utter horror she started crying and muttering something unintelligible.

"Damnit what did I say this time?" She kept muttering and he was getting impatient again.

"Speak up woman, so people with normal hearing can actually hear you," he said exasperated. He hated crying women and she did a ton of it. Her head shot up and he actually took a step away from her. Her eyes were flaming and burning behind her pooling tears.

"HE TOOK MY FUCKING WAND! Was that fucking loud enough for you?" She buried her head in her hands and cried harder and he felt about two inches tall right then. Well that answered his question on where her wand went. He also could now appreciate how vulnerable she must be feeling; especially since he kept threatening to hex her and she had no way of protecting herself. _Way to rub salt in the wound you idiot._

She was talking though, which was the goal. He needed to keep her going.

"What did he do with it, do you know?" Simple questions, simple answers. He could do this, _they_ could do this.

"He spelled it to the Forbidden Forest," she said through her hands. Her voice was nasally and she sniffed and wiped at the snot running from her nose. He handed her another of his handkerchiefs_. She should just start up a collection_, he thought amusingly. How many _M_ embroidered hankies could she collect in one school year?

So it was in the forest, well at least he hadn't snapped it. He could go out and find it. _Wait what?_ No, he was not going to go traipsing through the Forbidden Forest looking for a wand that looked exactly like every other twig out there. It was forbidden for a reason. No, she would simply have to get another one.

_Before tomorrow?_ His mind argued. Yes well, that was a problem. He snapped his fingers. He had it, the perfect solution! Well it was mostly perfect.

"I'll get you another one," he said with a genuine smile. He had a family member, a cousin (or second cousin?), who owed him a favor. That cousin just so happened to be a friend to Gregorovitch, a wand maker in Germany. He would have him make her a wand. It would take a day or two but maybe his cousin had a spare she could use? He would write to him right away.

"What do you mean? I can't just use someone else's wand. That's stealing and it wouldn't work properly for me." She seemed wary of what he was proposing. He couldn't blame her, he'd be wary of someone offering up a new wand too. Who knows how they'd come across it. He would just have to explain it all, and so he did.

"I have a cousin who owes me a favor and he knows a wand maker in Germany, his name is Gregorovitch. He's not as brilliant and definitely not as nice as Ollivander but he makes solid reliable wands and he won't go asking any unwanted questions." She wasn't as excited as he'd hoped and she seemed to be hesitating at his proposition.

"Can't we…can't we just go find mine?" He sighed; he would want to go find his wand as well. A wand became like your own appendage after a while. And she'd had her wand for seven years. She'd used it for more that just _swish and flick_ in school. She'd dueled with her wand, fought wizards and witches and monsters. He'd heard from the grapevine that Neville had even used it back at the Department of Mysteries and that that wand had been the one to poke Macnair in the eye, something to this day he howls about getting revenge. How he'd do that from behind his cell walls Draco didn't know.

She'd found and really _used_ her wand in the last seven years. Whereas most students barely got to know what their wand was really made of until well after school had ended, and some never saw the full extent of what they could achieve with their wand. He felt sorry for her, but going out and looking for it was out of the question. It would be another suicide attempt for her and nearly premeditated murder for him if she insisted on him going out and looking for it.

"No, and you know why we can't. If it is where he says it is, it's unreachable. Even if we knew exactly where it was, getting to it would be impossible. You know what kind of monsters are in the forest; they'd eat us for a snack and then ask for more." He repressed a shudder as his memories of his detention with Potter in their first year cropped up in his brain. No that was something he didn't want to repeat…ever.

"But isn't there some kind of locator spell? Something to help me find it? It's my…it's my wand, Draco. It's…it's apart of me." He softened and crossed the space between them and sat down next to her. He completely understood her sorrow. Just the thought of losing his wand made him feel like part of his right hand was missing. He couldn't imagine it and he pulled out his own wand, conveniently right there in his pocket, where it should be.

She looked at his wand too as he held it up in examination. Ten inches of pliant Hawthorn wood and unicorn hair core. He loved his wand as much as he loved his fingers. But there was no spell he was aware of to help locate her wand and he would be just as stuck if it had been his wand. There was no way that he knew of to find the missing piece to her person. He lowered his wand and pocketed it again with a sigh.

"No, not that I'm aware of. I really truly am sorry, Hermione. I can't imagine losing my wand. I can't imagine not having it anymore and I don't know how to help you with that loss. All I can offer is to have another one made for you without drawing attention unwontedly." She nodded and slid down into the couch further, leaning her head on the side of the couch now. He knew she knew he was right but for once he didn't want either of them to be right. He wanted someone to tell him exactly how to find her wand and see her light up when he presented it to her. But that wouldn't happen so he would have to settle for second best.

"What kind of wand did you have, Hermione?" he asked tentatively. He would need to know to best explain what she would need to his cousin.

"It is…was a vine-wood with a dragon heartstring core, ten and three quarter inches long." He nodded and made a mental note of it. Vine-wood, not a common wood for a wand and definitely used for a witch or wizard who had more to offer the world than just to occupy space and levitate objects. It was fitting for her. Dragon heartstring however was something that surprised him and could possibly make things a bit more difficult. It was notorious for binding completely to its witch or wizard. The connection to her wand must be stronger than he realized. There was nothing he could do for her and her wand though.

"I'll let him know. Anything else that he could help narrow down the selection?" She lifted her head off the armrest of the couch.

"Can he bring multiples maybe? That way I can choose one? Or…no that's fine; it's nice enough of you to even ask this of him. Never mind." He hadn't thought of that. The wand chooses the wizard; the wizard doesn't just choose a wand. He would have to ask if his cousin could bring a few for her to possibly bond with. Draco had never wanted to do something for someone so much before. He couldn't take back what had happened to her but he could help with this. He could make _this_ better.

"No, no that's a good idea. I'll ask my cousin to bring as many as he can so you have some choices. There's a Hogsmeade trip this coming weekend, hopefully he can make it here that quick." Draco felt good about this. He felt better than he'd felt in a while.

"Thank you, Draco. I wish it were my wand but you're right, I need something and it's very nice of you to offer this. Please, thank your cousin for me as well. Although you probably won't want to tell him who it's for will you? No, he wouldn't do it for a mudblood like me. He told me I didn't deserve a wand, that I must have stolen it because a wand would never choose someone as dirty, undeserving and weak as me. I wish I could just remove those memories from my head, you know? Just…just like that" she snapped her fingers.

"Don't call yourself that!" His eyes stormed with his anger at Hermione calling herself a mudblood. It sounded so wrong and awful and he hated knowing that he'd called her that for the better part of five years. He'd wanted to remove plenty of memories before. He had actually in his pensieve…

"What about a pensieve?" If that would help her to get the memories out, or even to show him what happened he could help with that too. After his father's incarceration and his refusal to talk to anyone plus the letters, he'd spent a good portion of his summer allowance, okay almost all of it, on a pensieve made especially for him. It could travel and be shrunk with no alteration of the memories within. It had cost a fortune but he could let her borrow it. He would have to go with her if she ever wanted to look on her memories, but he didn't think she would really want to. He wasn't comfortable with letting her trudge around in his memories alone though.

"I don't have one." Her voice broke him out of his thoughts. Of course she didn't know he had one, he hadn't told her that part yet. Oh he was getting ahead of himself in his exhausted state. He shifted around on the couch putting a few inches between them but now it was easier to look at her.

"I do. I have had it since the summer of fifth year. You can use it to get this off your mind or to maybe show me what happened and then you wouldn't have to talk about it in detail. It helps to re-look at the past sometimes too. It helps to see things from a different angle and maybe remember things you hadn't thought of before." He was grasping and he knew it. He wanted to know what had happened to her and this seemed to be the only way he would get the information he needed. Sure there was a certain risk involved with her having access to his most private memories but if he was careful there wouldn't be any problems.

"I don't want to relive it again. But a pensieve might be a good idea." She was reluctantly agreeing and not for the first time tonight had said he was right about something. He'd admitted she was right about a few things as well. At least they were working together now. But he could hear the small tremor in her voice that belied her forced excitement over his offer. He would take what he could get though.

"I'll bring it over tomorrow then. I…" He didn't know what else he wanted to say. They'd said so much already and she was opening up to him but he was also so, so tired. After the lack of sleep the past few days, classes and their shouting match earlier, he just wanted to sleep for a month. His eye lids were so heavy, like someone had put lead weights on them. He slouched back into the support of the couch, their arms only inches away from each other. He was just relaxing after a long day, he told himself. He felt comfortable, something he didn't achieve often. If he wanted he could just close his eyes and…

"You?" He opened his eyes reluctantly.

"I, what?" He was confused in his sudden sleepy state.

"You started to say something and then kinda… dozed off. You're probably really tired, why don't you go and get some sleep?" As if being told to go to sleep had been a splash of cold water on his face, he'd never felt more awake. The last time she'd sent him away she'd…well anyway he wasn't going anywhere this time.

"No, no I'm fine. It's almost dinner time, do you want to brave the Great Hall or have a house elf bring something tonight?"

"I'm not really all that hungry…" she started but quieted herself at his disapproving glare. She would eat, even if he forced it down her throat.

"So, no Great Hall then? That's fine, we will eat in again. And this time, I'm not leaving." He gave her a pointed look that dared her to argue with him. Wisely she decided to forego that argument and simply nodded.

_Finally, no fight,_ his mind cheered. Tonight might not be a half bad night if she kept going like this.

**-HG-**

"So, Professor Vector didn't give anyone any help with the last problem, even though everyone is confused on it? Sounds about right." They'd fallen into a comfortable conversation about Arithmancy, a shared love between the two of them.

"It really wasn't that hard of a problem, the thing was the formula that we would usually use here," he gestured to a page in the notes, "that isn't applied until we get to here, instead." Once she was able to empty her mind and focus solely on her studies, everything began to be clearer to her. This, this _he _couldn't take away from her, her love of studies and books and educational conversations, even if they included one Draco Malfoy. He really was quite brilliant at Arithmancy. She had been as confused as the rest of the class until he explained it that way. But this was hers and no one could take this away from her.

"Oh, I get it now. That makes sense. Why can't she just tell us these things? It would make everything go a lot smoother." She was thinking about all the students that would be coming to her with those questions on her tutoring night. Little did they know that she had had to get help as well. Although she would have figured it out eventually, it wasn't that hard once she really sat down and looked at it.

"That's not the point. The point is to figure it out for yourself. You have to think outside the box. Like, say you are trapped and you can't get out, like in a dungeon or something. What do you do? Do you just yell for help until your throat gives out or do you try to figure out a way to save yourself?"

Images flashed past her eyes of her wand disappearing and the cords around her wrists and the slither of his hateful words past her ears. How she'd tried to scream but had had that taken away from her. Draco didn't know, he didn't bring it up to be mean, but he had and the now all too familiar fear crept up her spine again. She was so tired of being afraid of something she couldn't control. She slunk back into the couch, distancing herself from him. He hadn't known but it still stung to remember.

"I'd rather not think about that right now," she tried to sound cheeky and funny but she failed and he noticed. He blanched and turned towards her. He held his hands up in surrender.

"I wasn't thinking, I'm…fuck I'm an idiot. Of course you know exactly how that is. Fuck Hermione, I'm sorry. Forget I said that, yea?" He stumbled on himself trying to make his words go back into his mouth. On the one hand it had been nice being able to just talk with someone who was as intelligent as she was. On the other he seemed to be programmed from day one to know exactly the right button to push to send her over the edge, whatever edge that may be.

"It's uh…it's fine, I'm fine. Just…it just took me by surprise is all. It still hurts, remembering ya know?" She was trying to brush it off and make light of it but she wasn't doing a very good job.

"No, of course it does. I'm an idiot. It's only been two days I wouldn't expect you to be right as rain about it, especially not even having talked about everything yet. Which you haven't gotten off on that by the way, I'm just too ruddy tired to talk any more about it tonight. Just, we'll pick this up tomorrow? We both need to sleep. Do you want a dreamless sleep before I go?"

He was packing his pack up with his own school work and trying to make a speedy exit. But his question reminded her of what she had to do before bed. She didn't want to stop breathing without someone there with her. She would have to find the courage to ask him to stay, to help her. The Gods would need to help her in asking him for help. The words seemed stuck in her throat as she watched him toss parchment half-hazardly into his bag. Hermione Granger asking Draco Malfoy for help was as wrong as a bird mating with a fish. It just…it just didn't happen.

But it had to happen this time. _Gryffindor courage for the win!_ She thought sarcastically.

"Could you…could you wait for just a minute. I have to take this, this replenishing potion and I don't…I don't want to do it alone." He paused at her plea, seeming surprised that she was finally asking for help.

"Uh, sure, yea. What did you need?" The blonde seemed out of his element. This was what he'd been wanting from her and now that she'd agreed, _this time_, to him helping her he seemed lost as to what to do. There was a certain amount of irony there.

"I have to crush up this play dough like stuff into a powder-"

"Play-what?" he asked incredulously. She sighed; sometimes it was such a bother using metaphors for things. Between the two worlds she lived in it was impossible to keep the two straight on who knew what and what items didn't belong where.

"Never mind. This stuff is kinda nasty in that it makes me stop breathing so I-"

"It _what?" _He seemed none to pleased with that bit of information and she huffed at being interrupted again. She wasn't entirely thrilled about that part either and she was scared to do this by herself. Gods, she actually needed Draco bloody Malfoy. Hell had to be freezing over as they spoke.

"It's temporary, or so Madam Pomfrey says. She said it's so that the lung tissue can heal. I guess the rest of the cells have healed from the previous doses but I left the wing too early to be able to skip the remaining dosages. I'm sorry; I can just go to the hospital wing to do it. I shouldn't have asked."

She was giving him an out. He didn't have to do this, even though he'd promised he would be there for her and help her if she needed it. She would be mortified if the person she'd just saved from drowning had to stop breathing in front of her again. There would be serious memory recall for him while she was unable to breathe. Would she be awake? Aware of what was going on around her? She hadn't asked those questions, she'd just wanted out of there. Hindsight was always 20/20.

"No, I'll stay. Just…let's just get this over with." He sighed and laid his pack down on the chair again. "Where is the stuff? I'll grind it down for you." She pulled out the bottles, the pain potion he'd already seen as she'd needed to take it with her dinner. It really had tasted awful. The jar she pulled out this time he looked at warily and she wondered what he was thinking.

He somehow knew exactly where her mortar and pestle was and after she described what he was to do, began grinding away at the stubborn round ball. It was quite funny to watch actually. The ball seemed to be a lot more solid than its outer appearance, and with a mind of its own. It kept rolling away from him whenever he would come close to it. He scowled down at the small grey ball and began muttering to himself and jabbed wildly trying to catch it between his pestle and the mortar. He kept missing and eventually Hermione couldn't keep her laughter to herself and started chuckling aloud from her spot on the couch.

"If this is so bloody hilarious to you, Granger, why don't you try it?" he challenged. She knew he was daring her to do better but watching him chase around the ball was too funny to pass up.

"I'm good, you just keep trying. You almost had it that last time." She kept her chuckles to a minimum as he repeatedly tried to capture the ball between his tools. He reminded her of the Greek lore about Tantalus, the man who was punished by the Gods and was forced to stand in a pool of water and under a fruit tree. He could never reach the fruit and the water would retreat every time he came close to it. He was forever forced to starve and to thirst. Draco seemed as frustrated as Tantalus would have been. The ball kept moving out of his strike zone, almost taunting him.

"Did she give you any tips on _how_ to grind this stupid thing?" He tossed the pestle away and wiped his hands on his expensive tailored pants. He looked captivating right then. His jaw was set in annoyance but his stormy grey eyes danced with contemplation and a hint of irritancy along the edges. They were irrationally attractive. She hadn't thought about his rolled up sleeves until now but they looked so natural on him, comfortable, not on call to impress. He seemed generally relaxed in her dorm, something she'd never seen on him before. His platinum hair had fallen into his eyes and he swiped at it as if clearing his line of sight would solve all his problems. He looked like he belonged there; in her kitchenette area and glaring down at the little grey ball as if it had kicked him.

Suddenly, as if it would run away again, he picked up the ball out of the bowl and slammed it down hard with his hand flat to the table. She jumped at the sound and let out a tiny squeak. She hadn't expected that at all. He looked up at her and smirked. His stormy eyes flared in satisfaction and his face lit up. He lifted his hand to reveal the pieces of the ball. It had broken into four pieces under his hand.

"See? Think outside the box." He was referring to the Arithmancy assignment and she couldn't help but admire that he'd brought everything back around to something they shared a common interest in, even if he was still boasting just a bit.

"So I see. Good job, though a warning next time would be nice." Her heart had finally started beating again after it had been shocked silent from the loud slam of his hand on the table.

"Sorry, didn't want the bugger to get away." He placed the pieces back into the mortar and picked up the pestle. He paused and she wondered if the pieces would still be able to run away from him. He pressed down and she heard the familiar scraping sound of pestle grinding down into the mortar. Nothing moved out of the way and it crumbled into dust quickly. Her entertainment and procrastination was over.

Once it was ground down into a nice powder he spelled it all into a small cup, almost like the liquid medicine cups her mother use to use when she was sick. He handed her the small cup and she hesitated. He seemed to understand and he put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and took a small comfort in his presence. She wouldn't be doing this alone and he could go for help if things went poorly.

"What else is this going to do?" he asked hesitantly. She explained what the medi-witch had told her and he nodded along asking a brief question here and there. He seemed reassured that everything was temporary.

"I'll be right here, okay?" he said when all queries had been answered she had no excuse not to tip the cup back and put the powder under her tongue.

Immediately she wanted to spit it out. It flashed hot and cold in her mouth as if it couldn't decide if it wanted to burn her mouth from heat or give her sensitive tongue frostbite. Draco sat down on the couch with her, placing a hand on her knee. She focused on his hand, pale skin with long fingers and resting warm on her knee.

Her heart started racing. She wasn't sure if it was due to the powder or Draco's hand but she didn't really care. It kept going faster and faster until she thought it would beat right out of her chest and take off down the hallway. She focused on the pressure his fingers put on the inside of her knee. She felt the powder start to dissolve from her saliva. She wanted to just swallow it down but she held it under her tongue like she was supposed to. At least it didn't taste awful. In fact she couldn't taste it at all. She had a million sensations going all at once but none a real taste.

Slowly, ever so slowly the power dissolved and eventually she felt her heart rate slow. But even as she started to breathe a sigh of relief that she was feeling normal again her chest clenched tight. She felt like she couldn't breathe and her body fought against it, sending panic signals to her brain. She breathed shallow quick breaths, as many as she could get in. Her mind told her this was normal but her body screamed that something was terribly wrong.

Draco's hand gripped her knee. She tried to bring herself back to his long comforting fingers. She tried to focus on how each one felt, the slight movements of his hand as he shifted positions as better to see and help her.

His other hand reached out and held her chin lightly, his thumb brushing against her cheek gently. She looked at him and he seemed calm. Calmer than her body and mind at least. She drew on his peace, trying to slow down her rapid breathing. She was going to hyperventilate if she wasn't careful, not that she had any choice on what was happening anyway. Gradually the tightness eased. Draco's hand tightened on her knee.

"You're going to stop breathing now. Remember it's temporary, it'll be okay." He was so quiet with his words; as if she were a baby dear and he needed to not startle her. It seemed so out of character for him. He wasn't soft with her; he was harsh and cruel most times. But this was a pleasant change. She nodded; she remembered what the medi-witch had said. She knew this was the unpleasant part, as if the rest had been a walk in the park.

Then it happened. Hermione couldn't have described it even if she wanted to. It wasn't like under the water with the cold fire running through her lungs. It wasn't like the ache you had after holding your breath for too long either. She just didn't have the sensation to breathe any longer. It became a non-priority for her brain. Her cells everywhere else in her body began aching for oxygen but it was as if her lungs had taken a vacation.

Her eyes grew wide. Her hands grabbed at her chest as if to make sure it was still there. He held her gaze, trying to calm her with his eyes. He looked as if he was saying something but all she could hear was blood rushing past her ears. She became hyperaware of everything, especially the need to get oxygen to her body. She wanted to hear him, hear his words but the blood rushing in her ears deafened his voice. She could feel his hand on her knee squeezing and releasing, squeezing and releasing as if Morse Code for 'everything will be okay'.

Slowly the rushing eased and she could hear again. He was whispering that everything would be fine, that she was fine. He reminded her it was temporary, that he was there, nothing was going wrong. Somehow the presence of Draco Malfoy at her side while she wasn't breathing was the best comfort she could think of.

The sensation of needing to breathe began to cease and she realized that she'd begun to take in the smallest of breaths, but her airway felt constricted and she started to panic. Something had gone wrong! She couldn't breathe properly! Madam Pomfrey had said it would be temporary but she had the urge to breathe now and she couldn't!

She shot to a standing position so fast even his seeker reflexes hadn't had time to stop her. He stood mere milliseconds after her and enveloped her in his arms, holding her tight against him, back to chest, effectively pinning her arms down as she had started to grab at her throat and chest with earnest, scratching herself and him in the process. He was muttering things under his breath again but she couldn't hear him. Panic had made the blood rush past her ears again. All she could hear was the _whoosh-whoosh-whoosh_ of her quickening heart beat and she felt the ache in every cell for her to take a larger breath, something that seemed impossible for her to achieve.

She gasped deeper and longer but nothing seemed to help. She wasn't going to ever be able to breathe normal again! She tried to get out of Draco's grasp but he held tight, his words finally making it through the _whoosh-whoosh_ past her ears.

"Shh, Hermione, it's okay. It'll just take a bit to get your lungs functioning again. Sit down; you're putting too much strain on your lungs gasping like you are. Sit down, relax, it'll come back quicker if you relax." She headed his words, what did she have to lose? She sat down on the fluffy couch, one of his arms still on her shoulder as he guided her down. She had to admit she was starting to feel better after taking the strain off her lungs from gasping and trying to bolt. Air filled her lungs more and more with each breath until she was breathing relatively normal again. His arm left her shoulder and she was without his touch once again.

It took her a while to be able to speak, whether from fear of not being able to breathe again if she tried or fear of what to say she didn't know. He'd comforted her and kept her from completely freaking out when he could have just sat there and made sure she started breathing again. He'd stayed by her side and kept her from harming herself even though he could have left her to fend for herself. She owed him again. Perhaps not in the same way as when he'd saved her life, but definitely owed him something in some way.

"Thank you…" She didn't know what else to say. What else was there?

"You're welcome. C'mon, let's get you into bed and then I'll head back to my rooms for my own sleep. Do you want the dreamless sleep tonight?" She nodded, unable to voice her fears about _him_ joining her in her dreams. She wasn't ready for that again. Draco seemed to understand and he cleaned up his mess from the restoration potion debacle, lowered the fire with his wand and took her to her room. He placed the dreamless sleep bottle on her nightstand and said goodnight. She fell into a comfortable sleep just after taking a drink of the purple liquid.

The morning came too soon but it had been good to sleep a nice healing sleep. It had been exactly what she'd needed. She hadn't needed to sleep forever as she'd tried to do the night before. She'd just needed a good night's sleep and everything seemed clearer that morning. The memories were still there but they weren't so overwhelming.

Even the morning dose of the restoration potion seemed easier to handle. Draco was there through it all and she didn't panic this time. They just stared at each other, she taking comfort in his now familiar features and he like a solid stone for her to lean against. His eyes were captivating enough for her to lose herself in and she didn't have to fear him wondering why she was staring at him.

Everything was going perfect, or as perfect as possible, until she reached the Great Hall doors and proceeded to have a massive panic attack after simply bumping into someone who was exiting the Hall as she was trying to enter. This caused Draco to have to haul her back to the Head Common room and hold her while she cried. She apologized over and over but he just held her close while her emotional rollercoaster rolled her upside-down and backwards. He'd been there for her again. It was becoming a habit for him, one that she was getting very use to.

They wrote a note to the Headmaster and told him she'd fallen ill from being in the water so long and he excused her from classes for another day. She felt bad for lying to him yet again but she wasn't ready to face the populous yet. _He_ was there, somewhere, hiding out in the open. She wasn't ready to come face to face with her attacker and have no idea it was him. She was just fine hiding out behind closed portraits with Draco to protect her.

And she was worried about her own mind now. If she couldn't handle bumping into someone and thinking 'could it be him?' how was she going to deal with the touchy feely Gryffindors and hundreds of students in the halls? How was she going to pretend to be normal in front of Harry and Ron and her friends? She had a lot more to figure out than she though she did. But at least she could fall into Draco.

He always seemed to be there, one way or another to catch her when she fell.

**a/n (Long sorry!):** Thank you all for the brilliant reviews! I love them all so much! My daughter is truly dancing with me now, her little butt just swaying with mama. She's growing so fast!

First things first, one lovely reviewer pointed out that the quote from chapter three, "Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" is actually a paraphrase from Robert Burns's poem 'To a Mouse'. I just wanted to give proper credit where credit was due. So now both authors have credit, thank you for helping me with that!

Secondly, was that enough Hermione/Draco moments for you? I had so much fun writing this chapter and having it all be between the two of them, no interruptions. The arguing, the making up, the connection during her treatment it was all brilliant to write. What did you think? Did it work for you? Were they in character enough? Want more arguments? Less? Let me know!

Thirdly, the sad part…I won't be posting another chapter for two weeks and will probably be keeping the posts at two weeks. I'm going on vacation and then starting back at full time work when I get back. If I can get them up sooner I will but otherwise it will be every other week. Reviews make me write faster though so the more reviews the more I won't care if I don't get any sleep and stay up to write : - ) Love you all! Reviewers, followers, favoriters! You make the late nights worth it!


	8. Thoughts, Feelings, Towers, Discoveries

**Chapter 8: Thoughts, Feelings, Towers and Discoveries**

**Warnings: RAPE! Adult Content, Language, New Character introduction.**

**A/N From Hell, Sorry!**

I want to start off by saying thank you all so much for the lovely reviews/ favorites/ follows. I cannot believe over 80 people are reading this story. *blush*. I'm so sorry about the delay; life tends to get in the way of my writing a lot. I really need have a talk with someone about this.

Also, I toyed with this idea off and on through my entire vacation and I decided it is the best segue way into the next phase of the story. It will be a small part from the rapist's POV. I hope it comes off well, I've read stories myself where sometimes it helps the story and other times it really, really doesn't.

Also there will be two new characters straight from my muse. They are not crucial main characters but you will see them and they do play a significant part in the plot line. It was easier to create these two lovely ladies than to bend and twist an original character to do my bidding, sorry! I hope you like them.

This chapter will have a rape scene. It is towards the end so if it isn't your cup of tea then please skip it. I just wanted to forewarn everyone in advance.

One last thing before we move on to the story. I have been thinking about a beta, there have been a few comments about grammar and though I do my best to weed them out it is difficult when I know what the line "says" verses what it actually "reads". So if anyone is interested let me know!

Authors note from hell done: On with the story.

**-Mind of the Rapist-**

The common room was warm due to the fire but he was starting to feel a familiar cold seep through him. It was like an itch he couldn't scratch, an ache that needed to be soothed. He'd been controlled his entire childhood and he'd always thought it to be just part of his life, part of the hand he'd been dealt. But now he understood why his father did what he did. It was addicting, captivating, bloody brilliant. His body ached to have that power and control back and it had only been a few days.

There was a certain amount of pride in the knowledge that he was strong enough and skilled enough to outsmart, control and wreck another person, especially such a powerful witch such as Granger. His body had pulsed with anticipation and glee when he'd disarmed her so easily. He'd never felt more alive. His father would be proud of him if he ever told him of his brilliance. He would probably beam with pride and maybe even share some of his own experiences.

He'd walked in on his father doing "business" once when he was nearly sixteen. He'd received a beating for walking into his father's study without knocking but what he'd seen…well the beating had been worth it. His father had had some brunette bitch slung over his desk with her hands tied and mouth gagged. She'd had tears running down her face and was making seducingly brilliant protesting noises, noises that had kept him up at night for months. His father had pulled her hair to the point that it gave way in places with a delightful tear and she'd whined in pain. He'd been surprised that he had gone instantly hard at the visual in front of him and he hadn't been able to take his eyes off her.

His father slammed the bitch into his desk, no doubt that he left bruises and breaks in her bones and the table scuffed the floor from the force. She was completely powerless and was being fucked like a dog in a frantic heat and it had been intoxicating to watch until his father finally noticed the voyeur at the door. He'd locked eyes with his father and for a brief second he almost thought he would just continue on with what he was doing. But after a second his father scowled at him, dick still firmly sheathed in the brunette and raised his hand. A few complex wandless magic spells threw him from the room and locked the door, replacing the silencing spell that had been broken when the door had opened.

His dick had been rock hard and he had been left panting on the floor of the hallway. The scene he'd watched deliciously haunted him that night and every night thereafter for months. He never remembered his father being the one fucking to her, though. When he remembered it, it was him drilling into her. Some of the eroticism was gone when attaching _my father_ to anything remotely sexual._ He_ was the one pulling her hair and feeling it tear away from her scalp. _He_ felt the jolt of her body against the sharp corners of the desk and _he_ made her make those terribly wonderful sounds. He'd lost many hours of sleep to those sounds.

Her cries of displeasure and the complete dominance his father had had over the bitch had given him a goal, a quest even. He wanted that power and even now his prick twitched and started to grow uncomfortably in his pants at the thought of how it felt to control another person. He'd wanted to ask his father how he did it, how he could have such control over her, but he had been afraid of his father's wrath. He wasn't a man to be messed with and there were scars to prove it.

He'd worked on his magical skills, on ways to disguise himself so that his face couldn't be seen. He'd worked on a contraceptive spell that made his seed disappear after ejaculation, as not to get the partner pregnant. He of course used it for more than that, it would give him a way to stay anonymous, there would be no trace of who had deliciously fucked whatever girl he chose into the ground. He'd prepared and planned and it had worked out perfect.

Now he had Granger and the first wench to wank of to. It had been delicious but oh how he'd wished he could have heard her scream and whine and cry out. It hadn't been safe though, even with a silencing charm he couldn't have been 100% sure no one would hear. He would just have to replace the memory of silence with the first bitch's screams. He had something better now anyway. The feel of her… she had been so tight, he remembered. Feeling the snap of her innocence as he ploughed into her, it was enough to set him off right there on the sofa and he had to shift his position to loosen the tourniquet his pants were becoming.

He wanted it again. He wanted her again. But that wasn't going to happen, not for a long time at least. She'd been so skittish at breakfast that morning, running away when someone had simply bumped into her. It made him happy to know he'd destroyed her so completely and his mind had rejoiced in the fact that she still remember and feared him, even though she had no idea who he was. He still had that control and it lit a fire in his veins. It was perfect.

Except he wanted more. He wanted to feel another body beneath him; he wanted to hear the bitch scream and cry while he tied her down and had his way with her. But he'd had a reason with Granger, that bint had had it coming for a mountain of reasons, but he didn't truly hold anything against anyone else. He knew part of the euphoric high was due to the mass of raw emotion behind it. He'd wanted to make Granger suffer and he'd enjoyed slicing into her skin with each flick of his wand. A precise slice for each bone crushing thrust. It had made everything so much better, vivid, nearly overwhelming. He'd watched her dirty blood drip off each incision and he'd had to school himself heavily not to lose himself too quickly. It was the pleasure of causing pain that had made the experience excel past his wildest dreams he was sure. Alas, he had to admit slightly defeated that he didn't loath anyone else like he did Granger. Maybe he would just wait until someone pissed him off? That could work, even though that might take time…

It was all he had not to growl aloud in frustration. He wanted that feeling of control and power back. He wanted to feel a bitch writhing beneath him and he wanted it fucking now. He scanned the room looking for a potential witch, but anyone there would know him by his voice. He would have to look elsewhere or learn how to disguise his voice. That would take more time, time he didn't want to waste. He stood and left the common room quietly; he would go and look around the castle for his next victim. He would fucking provoke someone into an argument if he had to, but he would have another bitch again soon.

**-DM-**

Draco tossed his bag down on the floor of his sitting room and ran his fingers through his hair. Hermione had completely lost it from merely bumping into someone…how was he supposed handle all this? He had to pretend to hate her in front of the school but let show that he cared for her in front of the headmaster and medi-witch. He had his own life to lead as well! He had friends he wanted to relax by the lake with, papers to write, NEWTs to study for, and a future to figure out. All this on top of having to follow around Hermione bloody Granger on the off chance that she would fall apart again. It was a fucking migraine waiting to happen.

Never the less, he'd done what he'd promised to do and had taken care of her and reassured her that everything would be okay, that nothing bad would happen to her while within the mass of the student population. She had too many eyes looking out for her and as long as she didn't wander off alone she wouldn't have anything to fear. She'd cried and he'd reluctantly held her. It was getting less awkward holding onto her during her 'episodes' as he was beginning to call them. He still didn't like it but he wasn't trying to run away every time a tear fell down her cheek either. It was a work in progress he supposed.

He was so relieved that Potter and Weasel hadn't noticed her fit and come running in to save the day. Still probably half dead as they usually were in the mornings, they hadn't even lifted their eyes off their plates. The boy she'd bumped into, a third or fourth year Hufflepuff he would guess had tried to apologize but Draco had sent him away threatening 100 house points if he told anyone about what had happened. The boy's eyes had grown wide and he'd nodded and disappeared quickly.

Draco sat down on his chair and put his face in his hands. This is what he got for doing the noble and right thing. His head hurt and he was bloody tired of thinking about Hermione every waking moment. He'd been gentle with her through her treatments, touching and comforting, as if he were dealing with an injured baby deer. He'd hated every minute of it. Malfoy's don't coddle and comfort, they don't show affection and understanding…but that was exactly what he'd done.

Why?

He had no idea. Maybe it was because every time he was around her he wanted to make both of them forget about what had happened. He wanted her to forget about what had happened to her and forget what she'd tried to do. He wanted to forget all the images in his head and never again have to remind himself he'd actually promised someone he'd take care of them. Bloody fuck what a perfect mess he'd made of his life in such a short amount of time.

_Knock. Knock._

"Merlin's bloody duck, can't I just have five minutes to myself?" He tossed his hands in the air and cursed to the heavens. Who could possibly be at his door?

"Stop cursing the air and let me in," Blaise's voice came through the portrait hole. Draco rolled his eyes and moved to open the door. _Figures it would be Blaise._

"What do you want, Zabini?" he said after opening the door. Blaise pushed on by him as if no invitation was needed and Draco again rolled his eyes while allowing the door to swing shut behind him. "Just come on in then, make yourself at home."

Blaise ignored him and sat down on the couch and propped his feet up on Draco's coffee table. Draco raised an eyebrow at him and it was Blaise's turn to roll his eyes while he begrudgingly put his feet back on the ground.

"Didn't put a smudge, did I?" He fake-polished where his shoe had been, smirked in Draco's direction and then relaxed back into the couch. "So, how's Granger?" Blaise was being aloof with his words but Draco could tell he was genuinely interested in her wellbeing after all that he'd been told earlier.

"As well as to be expected…better I guess." He hadn't had the time to tell Blaise about everything else that had happened. He sat himself down on the same chair he'd been on before his uninvited guest's arrival and placed his hands very much in the same position.

"Oh? Not handling it well then? Well, can't really blame her, not too sure if there is a good way to handle something like that. She hasn't done anything too crazy, right?" Draco lifted his head from his hands…_would trying to off yourself count as _'_crazy'_, he wondered.

"Does placing a shrunken boulder on your chest in a tub filled with water count?" Blaise blanched and sat upright all humor gone from his features.

"Bloody fuck, she didn't?" Draco took a moment to register Blaise's outburst. It was rare that he curse repeatedly, or lose his composure so thoroughly. They were trained better than that. A small flame of anger lit at the memory of finding her but he suppressed it down, its presence unwanted at the moment. _Oh how I wished she hadn't_.

"Did, in fact. Would have succeeded too if you and I had talked a few minutes longer, or if I had run into anyone on my rounds the other night. I did make her go to Pomfrey this time. She lied through her teeth to protect her bloody secret but she did at least get medical help this time." His voice grew colder and colder as he went on, her 'explanations' still very much grating on his nerves.

"What did she say then? She tripped into the tub; 'good thing Draco here needed the loo' or what?" _Well at least my on-the-spot lie about the situation was believable since Blaise thought the same way_.

"Basically, yeah, that about sums it up. Oh, but she did also explain that her not so little trauma between her thighs from the night before was due to_ our, her and I's,_ rough endeavors in the sack." His voice was laced with sarcasm and dripped with contempt for the bloody witch. Traumatized or not, she would not get away with that one.

Blaise was quickly on his way to getting the same punishment as he had now taken to rolling in laughter most unbecomingly. Draco's eyes followed the same route around his sockets and he took great pleasure in kicking his dearest friend in the shin, hard.

Blaise continued to snigger even as he rubbed his shin. "Such violence, Draco, what would your mother say?" he teased. "Seriously though, she actually said you two were a…a what? A thing, a couple? And they actually bought it? I mean I know you two don't hate each other anymore but I wouldn't exactly jump right into bed with my once-upon-a-time enemy. Gees, the people who run this place have no common sense. So, what did you do then?" Blaise put his hands behind his head and relaxed back into the couch, his composure over his shock as well as his hysterical laughter back to rights.

"She said we were 'involved' and we didn't want anyone to know and that we liked our sex rough. As for what I did? Nothing, I just followed along like a bloody bleating sheep, albeit a shocked bleating sheep, but you get the picture. What is wrong with me, Zab? Like you said we don't necessarily hate each other anymore but I wouldn't have called us friends or even good acquaintances and now I'm looking after her and bloody fuck…I'm actually holding her while she cries, giving her my handkerchiefs and making her bloody tea in the morning. This is so fucked up and I don't know what to do about it. It's only been three days, good Gods how long will it be like this?"

Blaise had the decency to look mildly empathetic to Draco's situation. Somehow, just the confirmation that he wasn't crazy for being so confused about the last week's events was enough to ease the ache between his eyebrows.

"I wish I had more for you, but really I got nothin'. I mean, it's not like you have feelings for her so maybe just tone the coddling back? Make her stand on her own two feet again. She has to move on eventually, right? Push her in the right direction then go back to being indifferent to her and her life." Draco internally scoffed, he didn't coddle her. She just needed help, he was comforting her! At least, that was what he was attempting to do anyway. _Malfoy's don't coddle_ he confirmed it forcibly in his head, as if writing it into the nerves of his brain.

"I am not coddling, it's called comforting…or so I'm told. I can't just tell her to figure it out by herself and you know it. I made a promise on my now twice damned name, the first being my father and second being this most recent idiocy on my part. I don't know how to help her stand on her own two feet again. Fuck, I can't even get her to crawl on all fours at the moment. She fell apart this morning when she barely bumped into someone! I can't do it all; I don't know how to change things for the better when it comes to her. I just want my free time back, my thoughts back, and her out of the middle of it."

It was damaging to his pride to admit that he wasn't completely adept at something. It was disastrous for him to basically admit he didn't have a clue what was happening and was powerless to fix the situation. Another Malfoy faux pas, never admit a lack of knowledge, simply reroute the conversation and acquire the knowledge later.

"Aye, I see your predicament but answer me one question…" Blaise seemed to hesitate, and Draco was afraid of the words that were cooking in Blaise's head. Whatever he was thinking about asking was obviously important because the long pregnant pause that filled the room became uncomfortable, so Draco broke the silence and broke through Blaise's thought barrier.

"Go on." _I don't have all bloody night you wanker,_ he wanted to add but decided against it. He was getting tired of this conversation. His pride was wounded, he'd admitted not only to himself but to someone else that he was sinking instead of swimming in this situation and he hadn't had nearly enough sleep to keep up with Blaise.

"Why the emotional investment? From the start of this you made her promises you never would have made normally. You've done more for her in the last week than you have for anyone in your whole life. If what you tell me is correct that is. Do you really hold her while she cries; bring her food and potions as she needs them? You've practically been her personal caretaker as well as twice now her savior. Why, Draco? Two years ago she was a filthy mudblood to you, now she seems almost, dare I say… important. I just don't understand. I'm not saying it's bad, just that I'm not following along with your choices."

Draco sighed. "Neither do I. Two years ago, I was a programmed robot spouting off whatever bullshit my father told me was truth. What he said and still says, at least when it comes to her, doesn't make sense anymore. I once believed a mudblood was useless and a sad excuse for a witch or wizard. They were less than a dirty half-breed and should be treated as such. But now, I mean, she's consistently at the bloody top of the class every year. She's dueled for her life against my own damned father, and lived I might add. That's not an easy a feat as most would think. She aided in defeating the 'Dark Lord', used a time turner for extra classes-"

"What? I thought that was against school rules?" Blaise seemed hurt at the fact that he wasn't privy to this information earlier. Draco had been a bit miffed as well but in all reality he'd had enough on his plate during the time he would have used the turner.

"I thought so too but I found out about that last year, wish I'd known about it earlier I could have done so much more and had so much more fun. Anyway, she's done all this before even the age of 15 and now she's Head Girl, about to graduate and get any job she could ever even think about. How can I possibly believe that the way my father thinks has any truth to it? How can I say she's a useless, stupid mudblood who doesn't deserve magic when she's bested me at everything, except potions, and proven ten times over that she isn't stupid or useless? I guess, after the smoke cleared from my eyes the age old arguments angled at her seemed to not have any grip anymore. She's still an annoying, know it all, prudish Gryffindor Princess, she just isn't stupid, unworthy scum anymore."

Silence followed and Draco reflected on his words. He hadn't needed to think about what to say, it just all flowed out of him in one big whoosh. So what if he didn't hate Granger anymore? It didn't mean they would be married next week. People change, he definitely had changed over the last two years. She could still grate on his last nerve but he respected her abilities all the same. His head started to ache again as Blaise leaned forward, leaning his elbows on his knees and Draco saw his long time friend smirk in a way that sent a small shiver through Draco's soul.

"You have it bad, mate. I pity you, really I do."

"What? What are you on about now? And why do you pity me?" _What was the bloody wanker going on about now? He could not possibly be thinking what I think he's thinking. There is no way-_

"You've got feelings for Granger, mate. You're just too damn stubborn to see it." Blaise shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I wonder how long they've been there, sounds like more than just four days. I pity you because one day you're going to realize what all was really taken from her and it's going to kill you inside and out. We may not ever know who did that to her, and she'll be scarred for life because of it and you're going to want to fix it, but you won't be able to. What she lost you won't ever be able to find for her."

Draco just stared at him. _I need to make another trip to the Hospital Wing, this time for Blaise, he's lost his nut. There is no way in Hades that I have feelings for her. No matter how bloody brilliant she thinks she is, she's not brilliant enough for me. And on another note, I don't need to be bloody pitied for something that won't ever happen. _That settled it was Draco's turn to smirk.

"You need your nut looked at, Zabini. There is no way I have 'feelings' for Granger. Anger on her behalf? Yes and it is well placed, mind you. I'd even go as far as sadness for what all she just went through but no, your assessment is as out there as if you were standing on a different planet."

"Me think's you doth protest too much," Blaise sniggered. Draco chose to ignore him. He cast a tempus charm and noted the fact that it was nearly dinner time and Granger had been alone for a good portion of the morning and all of the afternoon. He had homework to deal with, her school work to deliver and a new, rather large, problem to figure out preferably before the NEWTs exams.

He was about to get up and dismiss Blaise casually when an owl rapt at his window. _Amazing how they know which windows open and which do not,_ he thought to himself as he crossed the room to let the owl in. It was odd receiving an owl at this hour. Usually the mail came in the morning, otherwise there would be owls swooping around everywhere all day long. _What a mess that could make._

"Post at this hour? Who is it from?" Blaise's nosey frame came into Draco's peripheral view to peer at the letter, never mind that it was not his letter to read. That was them though, very little was kept from each other, letters and business included. "Your cousin Jasper? Gods you haven't spoken to him in ages, ever since-"

"Yes, I know. He owes me a favor, I'm cashing in is all." Draco didn't want to hear again about the dirty past of his cousin. His name didn't do him justice at all. Jasper meant treasurer. Well he was certainly obsessed with money, too bad he couldn't stop himself from nearly driving himself and his immediate family into poverty from his addictions. It wasn't spoken of in the family as it was disgraceful to have a weakness such as an addiction to gambling is. Malfoy's are not that weak minded or weak willed.

It had been Draco who pulled him out and away from the gambling sharks who were knocking, or rather breaking down Jasper's door. At the time it was merely to piss Lucius off because he told Draco not to associate with him, but now it seemed it had been a good choice. A few galleons, okay a few tens of thousand galleons, from his Gringotts vault and a year long rehab resort fee for his cousin for a wand for Hermione? It was a fair trade he thought. After the exchange he would be happy that they would never have to speak to each other again. All in all, it had been a good short term business investment.

"What is he going to do for you?" Blaise kept trying to snatch the letter but Draco dodged him as he paced around the room reading the quickly scrawled letters. Finally Blaise managed to snatch the parchment from his hands and began to scan the words.

"No, please, go ahead and read it, I insist." Draco drawled rolling his eyes at his friend. It felt good to be with someone he could relax with, even if Blaise was a thorn in his side at times.

"A wand? What do you- ooooh. So, the bastard took her wand then? No way of finding it or did he snap it?" Draco could see Blaise fighting his fingers from reaching for his own wand, much like Draco's had done when he was told about the theft.

"No he sent it to the forbidden forest and I'm not going in there to find a bloody stick, not even if it was my own." Blaise nodded in agreement and set the parchment down and headed towards the door.

"So, Hogsmeade this weekend and a new wand for Granger. You're a busy guy; let me know how I can help." He stopped at the door and gave Draco a sympathetic look and dropped his voice down a level, becoming serious once more.

"Look mate, I know feelings aren't your thing but…just give yourself a chance. You're doing better than I would be doing I dare say. Don't beat yourself up too much; loads of people have fallen for someone they use to hate. I'll see you in class tomorrow." Blaise smirked as he quickly exited the room, not giving Draco any time to refute his statement. Draco huffed and grabbed his bag. He needed to get to Hermione and make sure she got her work, food and medicine. Another long night.

**-Amelia Klein-**

Ravenclaw Tower was her home away from home but tonight it felt suffocating. Amelia's classmates were all studying for NEWTs as if they were tomorrow and she couldn't bring herself to care about a test that wasn't mandatory and not for another 6 months. No, that wasn't very Ravenclaw of her but the sorting hat had been borderline Gryffindor so maybe her lioness side was roaring.

The few friends she'd made on the train had been sorted into Ravenclaw and she'd begged the hat to send her with them. Although it argued briefly saying she would do better with the lions, she wouldn't relent and so it shouted out Ravenclaw and there she had been for the last seven years. Red wasn't her color anyway. It clashed with her blue eyes and gold did nothing for her rich jet black hair, not that bronze did either. Now silver, yes silver made all her features pop.

Her hair was currently pulled back but when she let her tresses fall free they fell down as low as the small of her back in soft waves like the swish and bend of water against smooth rocks. She loved her hair but her eyes were her favorite. They were a warm blue like a sunny summer sky and they contrasted beautifully against the shocking blackness of her hair. All that being said, somehow she still hadn't managed keep her boyfriend. It was a hazard of being a Ravenclaw though, books and studies more important and all that nonsense.

Amelia needed to get out of the tower for a bit. It was before curfew and her dorm mates wouldn't be going to bed for at least another three hours, four if they really got into the study group. Fresh air sounded good. She set out in search of the solitude of the Astronomy Tower. She frequented the quiet tower in search of quiet solitude when everything became just…too much. As she took in the castle she started remembering it through the eyes of her eleven year old self. The castle was so large and intimidating but it had a warmth that she didn't think stone could ever have. She loved to wander around the school, taking in every nook and cranny when she was younger. It made her feel a little more at home.

As a little girl she was always wandering around the grassy fields surrounding her house. Her mother was always trying to get her and her brother, Owen, out of the house, or more importantly out of her kitchen. Her father and his hired hands worked cattle and ran a dude ranch through most of the year so he was out most days. It had been up to her and Owen to entertain themselves. Everything was a perfectly normal life for a rancher's daughter, even with the few odd moments when she got angry or upset. That was until she received her letter of acceptance from Hogwarts.

She'd read about magic in fairy tales and myths but had never entertained the idea that it was real. Amelia Klein, a witch? She'd been scared and yet somehow relieved that the weird things than had happened had a source behind it. Like one summer she was angry at her father for going to kill her favorite pig and he said she could keep the pig when pigs grew wings and flew. Somehow, as he walked towards the pig with his weapon in hand the pig literally grew wings and flew a few hundred yards away where it landed and took off running into the fields. Her father had nearly needed the mental ward for that but he just decided it had been a trick of the eye and lost interest in pursuing the flying pig. She'd been horrified and elated at the same time.

Other odd things had happened that were unexplainable but somehow everyone looked the other way, claiming what had happened to be either a miracle or a trick of the eye or some mistake made by someone else. Her brother, who was older than her, hadn't received any such letter so there was no warning for her, no one who had forged this path ahead of her like everything in her life had always been. She couldn't help but be jealous of him; he wasn't a freak like she was. She had almost decided not to go to Hogwarts but it had been her father oddly enough who changed her mind.

They'd gone out for a rare ride out in the fields, just the two of them and their horses. She had prepared herself for the inevitable lecture about how she needed to stay at home, help out now that she was becoming of age enough to help with more jobs around the ranch. She'd almost been looking forward to him telling her no, that way she wouldn't have to think about how crazy the whole situation was. But something very different happened, something that changed her life forever.

They'd rode across the fields and up to one of the bluffs at the edge of the property and looked out over the ocean. She waited patiently for her father to start the conversation but her insides were twisting into a million knots. Her heart stopped beating for several seconds when she heard his words.

"Amelia, my little Amelia, your mother and I love you and we don't want to see you go away for the majority of the year, but we've been thinking about what this would mean for you, how your life will change, how you will be responsible for yourself and your actions…" he started. So he didn't want her to go, she almost felt a sigh of relief coming on.

"It's okay papa, I know I'm needed here. We will just write a letter telling them I won't be going." Her father had chuckled and then put his arm around her shoulders. They watched the ocean waves crash against the rocks for another moment.

"Amelia, you're too selfless sometimes, you know that? We will be fine without you here. What I'm trying to say is, you should go, be who God made you and come home on holidays. We will miss you, but everyone feels that if this is who you really are then we need to support that." He'd kissed her temple the same way he'd done since she was a babe.

"You don't think I'm a freak, then?" She'd been sure her father would think she was a freak, since she'd felt like one. He'd turned her to face him and came down to her level. Being only recently eleven she only came up to about mid-chest. He'd smiled at her and his sun worn face crinkled around his brilliant blue eyes.

"Amelia Klein, you may be a great many things, smart, beautiful, troublemaker and quite the sweet thief if your mother had a say, but you are not a freak, and never let anyone tell you otherwise, you hear me?" His blue eyes bored into hers and she'd never felt more loved than at that very moment. She'd nodded, he'd hugged her and she'd become more than just Amelia Klein, a rancher's daughter. She'd become Amelia Klein, a daughter and a witch, with real magical powers and so far she'd loved every minute of it.

The climb to the Astronomy Tower was always taxing and again she was reminded of the bluffs she climbed as a child. She missed her family, they were very close and she wasn't sure how she was going to balance her inner muggle and outer witch with the outside world. Ranching and farming was in her blood, but so was magic. Seven years later, she knew she couldn't part with either side.

She huffed a last oxygen deprived breath as she reached the landing of the tower. The door was silent as per usual, as not to disturb star gazer's concentration. She walked over to the rail and took in the night sky. Stars shone brightly in the crisp night air and she could see owls and bats flying around in search of their nightly meal. She loved the night, everything was peaceful and right while the moon watched over the land.

Amelia's ears perked at a sound somewhat like the scuffling of a shoe on the stone floor. She'd been fairly certain she would be alone this time of night up here. She always had been before.

"Who's there?" She looked around but found nothing. The purpose for no torch light was better visibility but the down side of having such little lighting was you couldn't see a damn thing. She went to reach for her wand when it flew from her hand and out the opened side of the tower.

"I am fortunate tonight. I am so glad you could join me," a voice eerily familiar but she couldn't place it said just beyond the reach of the light. Amelia's skin crawled and her hair stood on end and prickled the back of her neck.

"Wh-who are you? I can't see you come into the light." She was trying for friendly but her voice betrayed her inner fear. Everything in her screamed _RUN_ but her feet wouldn't respond. She couldn't bring herself to move as if an invisible force rooted her to the stone beneath her feet. She felt naked without her wand but tried not to focus on what she didn't have and looked around for something she could use. Unfortunately the Astronomy Tower wasn't exactly the best weapon's closet.

"No, you'll remember me just as I am now, invisible and frightening to your every nerve. But my voice, it will slither into your dreams, like a serpent; it'll haunt you in the dark, making all your childish fears come true. I'll let you find out what other pleasure's are coming your way for yourself, my dirty little mudblood."

Amelia's feet left the stone but not in the way she'd hoped. She was weightless and flying, until the wall stopped her with a sickening thwack to her head and back. Tears pooled in her eyes and her vision blurred. What was happening? Her brain was frantically trying to make sense of why she was being attacked, trying to comprehend not being able to defend herself. She was trying to work past the lack of oxygen as the wall had knocked the wind out of her.

He advanced on her slowly. She tried to see his face but his hood covered his it. Any light that did shine under into the cloak simply passed by, as if there was no head behind the hood. Fear and panic coursed her veins and she struggled to get away from him. She half dragged herself towards the door, willing her body to move faster. She felt like an injured mouse being stalked by a ravenous black cat.

"Please, leave me alone. I won't tell anyone, please just let me go." She begged, she prayed for God to give her strength and wisdom to get out before he really hurt her. She begged for someone to come up to the tower. Her prayers and pleas went unanswered as he bound her hands behind her back. Her balance was lost and she fell face first into the floor. She felt blood pooling around her cheek and could smell its metallic smell under her nose. She just prayed it didn't flood her eyes so she couldn't see.

"You'll live, mudblood." His voice carried a malice she'd never heard before. "You'll live and you'll remember me every day. I'll be immortal in your memory." He stood right next to her, his feet just inches from her waist and stared, or she thought he was staring, down at her. She wished she had her wand so she could fight back. But the rancher's daughter in her wasn't going to go down without a fight either. Remembering her long days out in the sun and wrestling with her brother, training and keeping fit during the summers, she kicked out with her top leg and hit him behind the knee.

He went down with a curse and she moved to kick him again but her current angle to his body didn't give her much leverage and he recovered faster than she'd anticipated. He snarled at her and cast his wand in a complex motion. She flew weightless through the air and came to an abrupt stop, waist planted forcefully into the sharp cold edge of the railing. Her sweater was pushed up exposing her waist to the night air and her entire upper body was slung over the side of the tower. Her hands were still bound behind her back and her legs were spread-eagle and only the tips of her toes reached the floor.

She was forced to look down. The blood from her cut cheek dripped and she followed the drops down. Down onto the grounds, hundreds of feet down where the stone walkway around the bottom of the tower waited for her body to crumble into it, her drops of blood marking her landing zone. She cried out both in shock and fear. She prayed someone would hear her screams but her ever knowledgeable brain told her it was late and now past curfew. She knew that the prefect and teacher rounds wouldn't happen for a few hours yet. There was no one out to hear her screams.

She was alone.

Amelia heard him curse behind her. She tried to move, to turn and see where he was, gauge her options but her face was held still by invisible hands forcing her to look straight down to her inevitable death. Her Gryffindor-ish side said to be brave, have courage, that she would make it through this no matter what. Her Ravenclaw side weighed the odds, gave her the probabilities of survival. Neither side was very comforting.

"You bitch. You'll pay for that little trick." He seemed extra agitated and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad development. Her calves were starting to ache. And her hips hurt from the rail digging into them. She felt rather than heard him come over to her. She shivered as he placed a rough hand against her bare waist; his hands were unnaturally cold, almost as if he'd made them that cold with a spell to torture her sensitive skin. A small weep slipped from between her lips and she hated herself for being so weak.

"That's right my seductive little slut cry out for me." His voice had changed again, smooth, calculating, a hint of lust behind it. This tone scared her more than all the others. It was becoming clear what he wanted from her and she knew she was powerless to stop him. Only raw magic could save her now and she didn't know how to access it let alone wield it.

With a startled gasp the night air hit her body like a thousand knives. He'd spelled away her clothes, leaving only her bra and panties left to fend off the chill of the night. She hadn't even felt him move. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream and beg but she was too proud to do either of those things. She'd bear this and kill him later she decided. He'd said she would live and remember. That meant he had no intention of killing her; alive she could have her revenge. Dead she couldn't.

He put his hands back on her body, stroking her goose bumped skin as if memorizing it, almost like a lover would do and that made her want to vomit. No, she wasn't a virgin but she'd only ever had sex with one other person and it had been good. She didn't want him to taint something so pure and precious. Tears welled again in her eyes and no amount of trying to blink them back would work. The angle of her head allowed them to drop freely, drop after drop. But they were silent, and for that she was thankful.

He smacked her hard and repeatedly across her round arse cheek and she tried not to jump or cry out. She bit her tongue until it bleed. Her skin stung and burned and she wanted to run away, she wanted to claw his eyes out, she wanted to scream until she had no voice. His chuckles at her attempts at passiveness angered her and frightened her at the same time.

"Little mudblood, why don't you scream for me? I know you want to. I want you to. I want to hear you beg me to stop, plead for your freedom, don't you want that? You can, I've charmed the tower. Not a soul can hear you beg. It'll be our little secret." His voice was sweet and low yet she could hear the control he needed to keep it that way. He was on the edge already. She refused to give him what he wanted and she tried to lift her head, to raise her nose up at him but frozen it stayed so she settled for silence.

"Bitch, scream for me!" He reached around and grabbed her bra, ripping it off and leaving torn red skin behind. Her nipples hardened against the sudden cold and her skin burned where the fabric rubbed off skin. When she gave him nothing but silence he took hold of her nipple and twisted, hard. It felt like he was trying to rip it off and her body betrayed her and she cried out into the silence of the night. Tears flowed again and her body switched from controlled defiance to erratic panic. She struggled against her bonds, tried to move her head and pushed with all her might against the railing but nothing changed. She was solid where she was and she was helpless.

She cried, sobbed and he relaxed his hold on her breast. "That wasn't so hard was it?" She tried to hold back the whimper on her lips but the release of pressure was too great a relief to not to be responded to. "Just make those pretty little noises and you can go on your way."

His hand lowered from her breast down to her waist and over the line of her knickers. She knew what he was going to do this time and prepared herself for it. With one quick rip he tore them from her body leaving more rub burns in its path. She held back her cry, still not wanting to give him everything he wanted. She was stronger and prouder than that. This seemed to anger him again because he sent a stinging hex into her arse, powerful enough to pull a gasp and sob from her throat.

He released his hold on her waist and shuffled behind her. She tried again to move, to see what he was doing, but the spell he had her under was too strong. Amelia's heart raced when he came up to her again and felt nothing but skin against skin. Panic overtook her thoughts and she couldn't feel the cold air anymore. Her screaming calves went numb her tears flowed freely; the blood from her cut followed the same path, marking the path to her inevitable end. She prayed to anyone listening to please help her.

She felt the tip of his cock close to her entrance and she prayed harder for someone to stop this madness. She didn't try to pretend it wasn't happening, her logical side wouldn't allow that. It was happening and she would have to deal later. She prayed she wouldn't become pregnant, that it would be quick, that he wouldn't toss her over the edge of the rail when he was finished.

"Remember your little trick, sweetheart? Here's your punishment." He thrust into her hard, fast without any preparation at all. She tore and she could feel the blood dripping down her leg. She wasn't a virgin but she was virginal tight, or so she'd been told by her previous boyfriend. He was wide and he stretched and tore her opening ruthlessly.

He released the spell over her head without warning and it fell, her neck muscles unawares of the new weight. Before she registered she could move her head he ripped her hair back, pulling her head with and she heard rather than felt some of her long black locks give way under his grip. She couldn't feel anything but the pain between her legs.

Amelia closed her eyes and tried to think of somewhere else she could be. The bluffs at the ranch, the tower with her friends, the library with all her favorite books, anywhere but where she was now. He wrenched her hair again and she felt him lean in close to her ear. His breath was hot against her neck and she shivered against it. He'd fallen into a pattern now, alternating between insults, thrusts slaps and tearing at her hair.

"Scream for me mudblood bitch." Pull, rip, thrust. "Scream for me or I'll drop you over this bar." Smack, burn, thrust, thrust. "Stupid mudblood whore, you don't belong here in our world." She now knew how a young colt or filly felt being ridden for the first time. He held onto her hair as if it were his only strong hold and bucked into her without care to her fears or comfort.

"You're a freak, you don't belong here." She whimpered as he pulled all the way out only to drive her so deeply into the rail with his next impale she felt her skin at the hip tear on the sharp metal edge. She felt it drip down her leg next to the first line of blood. She gave a soft moan of pain but that was all the satisfaction she would give him.

"At least you have a purpose now, right?" She felt like she was being stabbed with a knife between her legs over and over, he tore her a little more each time. Blood was pooling at her feet, causing her toes to slip. If it hadn't been for a spell keeping her body from falling over the rail she would have lost her balance and toppled over.

"Louder, wench. Let me hear you beg for your life. Let me hear you beg not to die." His breath was becoming ragged and instinctually she knew he was close but still she refused him his vocal needs. The thought of giving him what he wanted sent her dinner back towards to mouth. She swallowed it down and focused on just making it through the next few minutes.

"Fucking cunt, scream!" He used his wand this time and sliced open her back. She couldn't help but to scream out, the pain was overwhelming. The wound opened slowly, starting at her shoulder blade. She felt every inch open to the air, it cold air penetrating her body much the same way his cock pounded her into the rail. It cut across her spine and she cried out again, each cut worse than the last. It finally stopped at the crest of the opposite hip and she felt the blood dripping down her back. The incision wasn't deep she didn't think, it wasn't a flow of blood like it should have been. It hurt all the same and she writhed as best she could against the sharp throbs of pain.

"Yes," he groaned and she felt his rhythm change, erratic and uncontrolled. She prayed he wouldn't get her pregnant, she prayed she'd live. He pulled her hair to the point that she was looking at the top of the tower. He twisted her breast until skin tore and she screamed again. It was all too much, all too overwhelming and she couldn't deal anymore. She couldn't feel, couldn't make anymore noise, she couldn't care if she lived or died at that moment.

A flash of light had her consciousness return to her, she felt him leave her body, stunned for a moment only to return and frantically finish what he set out to do. She whimpered and she heard rather than felt him finish in her with the sickening grunt. Task completed he removed the spell holding her up and pulled her off of the rail. She crumbled to the ground, too weak to stand on her own. He stood above her, face still masked and she tried with whatever strength she had left to identify something, anything on him.

Dark haired. She noticed only because of the dark area of his pubic hair. He was tall but she couldn't have said how tall exactly as she lay on the ground. But there…he had a mark on his arm, a birthmark maybe? A scar? It was something identifiable and she burned it into her memory.

He squatted next to her and waved his wand over her body. She felt a coolness between her legs but the pain remained. He hadn't healed her but he'd done something to her but she didn't know what.

"I don't know what you did just now, but if I find out you were able to alert someone or find out who I really am, I will find you and I will bring you to an inch of your life and you will beg me to kill you. And only when I feel like being merciful will I grant you your wish, understood?" She wasn't sure what had happened either but she didn't have the brain capacity to think about the possibilities. She simply nodded and he scoffed at her. "Good. Ta my little bitch, I'll see you in your dreams."

She lay there, blood still dripping from the slice in her back and the cuts on her cheek and hips, not to mention between her legs. She cried and tried to get up. He'd cut deep enough into her back that she couldn't lift herself. She couldn't use her back muscles and she had no wand. She was naked, bleeding, alone and she was going to slowly bleed to death after being cruelly raped by someone who had a serious issue with mudbloods.

She struggled to move towards the door, one inch at a time until she was so tired and weak from blood loss that she collapsed completely. She prayed again for God to not let her die. This time, her prayer was answered as she barely was conscious enough to see the Astronomy Tower door open.

"Help," she managed to get out from behind her broken throat. Whoever had come in froze where they were just inside the door.

"Oh Gods, not again…It'll be okay…I'm going to get you some help." She watched him make a patronus, somehow she managed enough energy to envy the ease at which he made one…it was advanced magic after all. "Go to Madam Pomfrey; tell her to come to the Astronomy Tower. Then go to Draco Malfoy and tell him it happened again and to wait up for me."

She lay there listening to him finish his directions. She knew the name Draco, who didn't but she didn't understand what this guy meant by again. Had Draco found someone else who'd been hurt? Had…had he…she'd have to think about everything later. She was so tired and the pain, it ached and throbbed and she just wanted to sleep. She saw the new man's face come over top of hers and he placed his hand on her non-bleeding cheek.

"Help is coming, hold on." She was slipping into a black oblivion…help was on the way he'd said and she believed him. Amelia let the blackness in.

**A/N:** This chapter hated me the entire time I wrote it, which is why it took so long to write. Let me know what you think…

Did the rapist pov come across okay? How do you feel about Amelia? I'll have to make it up to her somehow; I introduce her and then rape her in the same chapter. It wasn't very nice of me but needed sadly. No Draco/Hermione and I am sorry, I tried to make it happen but it just didn't flow well. Next chapter, I promise! How do you think Blaise will deal since he just told Draco he wouldn't do as well as he's doing? Let me know your thoughts and ideas by clicking the little review button right *there*. Thanks lovelies, until next chapter!


	9. Catch Me If I Fall

**Chapter 9: Catch Me If I Fall**

**Warnings: Mentions of rape, language, arguing, a soft cuddly moment and an accusation**

**A/N: **Oh my gosh you guys have made me so happy! Over 100 followers! Eeep! Yay! Okay so I hope this chapter goes well for everyone, I know it's a bit shorter than usual but I couldn't find a better place to end it other than where I did. Love you all and enjoy the Dramione goodness!

**-DM-**

Draco made his way to Hermione's rooms as carefully as he could given the thoughts running rampant in his head broke his concentration every few feet. There was no way he had feelings for Granger. Blaise was imagining things. _Right, avoiding getting caught down this way. _He'd been avoiding the random straggler in the hallways most of the week and he'd been lucky so far in not coming into contact with any of her Gryffindork classmates. _Sure she's pretty, and smart, and fun to talk to…_he was almost home free when he turned the corner to her hallway and had to stop in his tracks.

"But Hermiooonee…" Weasley whined. _Whiney git_, he couldn't help but think_._ "There is a potions _and_ a transfiguration essay due this week." Draco rolled his eyes but stayed where he was. Getting into a fight with the Boy-Who-Refused-To-Die and the Walking Firehead wouldn't do him much good at the moment, no matter how thrilling it might be.

"Yea, 'Mione, plus we haven't seen you all week." Potter continued less whinny and more concerned than his red headed counterpart. "You haven't been in class at all and your portrait gal here won't let us in to see you. We are just getting worried." Draco knew his time was running out but he'd hoped that the two dolts wouldn't push her just yet. She still had a few days left without a wand and he wanted to work on the no-touchy attitude before she confronted her space invasive friends.

"I'm fine just a…I'm uhm…I'm just under the weather is all." She sounded a lot stronger than he thought she would, given the fact that she was cornered but it was by her two best friends. What she saw in them he'd never understand. He could still hear hesitancy and he knew she was hiding behind the door. "And Ron, do your own essay for once. You never know, if you _apply_ yourself to your studies you _might_ actually learn something." He couldn't help but smirk at that.

"But…" There was a short pause after Weasley's continuation of whining followed by a sigh that sounded like it came from Potter.

"Okay, Hermione. Well, we're here if you need anything…just let us know okay?" Potter, he had to admit, had grown up some over the years. He seemed to have learned when enough was enough and when to back off. _Bloody hell, do I have to be nicer to him now that he grew a half of a brain?_ He decided there was still enough idiot left to hold on to his contempt for the 'Chosen-One'. He concealed himself when he heard footsteps heading in his direction. He'd missed Hermione's reply while monologuing in his head but he was sure it was an empty promise to see them more often.

"But _Harry_ we haven't even started those essays! How are we going to get them done without her help, they're due in two days!" Weasley was still whining and Draco rolled his eyes and sent a silent tripping jinx at the red heads' feet. He took great pleasure in watching him fall to the floor with his feet invisibly tangled.

"Ron what in the- c'mon." Potter gave him a hand up. "Didn't you notice she wouldn't come out to even see us? She's been acting odd all week. She hasn't been to class and didn't ask us for the homework so someone is bringing her the lesson notes and assignments. Something is wrong…I just can't put my finger on it." Potter looked back to where Draco was standing and briefly he wondered if his Disillusionment charm had worn off. But Potter turned after sending a confused look towards Hermione's door and continued down the hall. He could hear them still bickering like an old married couple but chose to ignore them and waited quietly until he couldn't hear them anymore.

Draco rushed to the portrait, quoted the pass-phrase and, once inside, removed the charm. He took a moment to breath a sigh of relief that the tweedle-dorks were out of his hair for now. He found Hermione sitting by the fire on the floor, knees to chin and watching the flames. She looked up at him and he could see the confusion in her eyes, the unasked questions, and her need for answers clear as crystal in their brown depths. The door closed behind him without either of them acknowledging it. He stood in the doorway unsure where to go and afraid of breaking her trance, lest it be leading to something productive.

"Why…" she started but then paused. There were a lot of why's still hanging in the air and he wasn't positive which one she was asking about so he kept quiet, allowing her to sort through her thoughts. "Why? That's all I keep thinking...why?" That's all he'd been thinking too but he thought it best not to add in his two knuts right now.

"Why what exactly?" He chanced moving around the room, around the couch and chair to the other side of the fire. He stood, as Malfoy's don't sit on the floor if at all possible, and he leaned gracefully on the mantle. Somehow he felt that they were on the edge of a cliff. Either she was going to jump and plummet to the bottom and not recover from everything in the last week or she was going to turn around and fight back against her fears. He hoped it was the latter.

"Why…everything! Why me? Why did he choose me? Why did he have to lose my wand? Why wasn't I faster or stronger to protect myself? Why didn't my magic help to protect me? Why do I feel like he's everywhere still?! Why can't I get him out of my head?!" She was building up steam and he could almost see her slowly backing away from the cliff edge. Part of him leapt for joy that she wasn't going to give up again. The other part noticed her piercing eyes drilling into his soul and feared what she'd find there.

"Why you? Why, of all people, did the God's send you? You hate me. Why did you agree to help me? Why are you the only person that can touch me without sending me into a panic? Why can't I go eat breakfast with my friends without freaking on the first person who touches me? …Why?" Her voice fell as low as a whisper as she looked down to her bare feet. "Why can't I stand to be around anyone else but you?"

He didn't have any answers for her. He didn't know why this had happened to her or why he was the one to pick up the pieces. He didn't know why she hadn't been able to protect herself or why her magic had failed her. He didn't know much about raw magic other than it can slip out as a young child. He'd never heard of raw magic taking over once you came into your full magical capabilities, as Hermione already had, because by then you were a trained witch or wizard capable of taking care of yourself. And above all he didn't know why she felt so safe with him. He would have thought that he would have been one of the last people she would trust.

How do you tell someone who is lost in their own mind and searching for answers that there are none to be found? How do you explain what you yourself don't understand? Well he understood one thing, he didn't hate her. Once upon a time he'd thought he hated her, but he hadn't known then what hatred really was. Hatred is reserved for people like his father, people like a man who rapes unsuspecting girls and leaves them for dead. Hate is for people like Voldemort. What he felt for Hermione was not hate. It wasn't even in the same universe.

"I don't hate you, Hermione. In fact, I don't think I ever did, not really." The admission was complicated. The words were simple individually, but when strung together they were thick and heavy on his tongue. Though true as they were, it was still difficult to talk about feelings of any kind to anyone, no matter what the circumstance.

Time seemed to slow down as he watched her chew his admission over, to process and absorb what he meant. Truth be told he took a few moments himself to chew, process and absorb as well. It wasn't any declaration of love or anything but with their history it held the same amount of shock value. He forgot about his Malfoy principles and dropped gracefully and soundlessly to the floor, mirroring her position although without the fear and anxiety to his features that were clearly seen in hers. His elbows rested on his knees and his hands hung loosely out in front of him. It felt good to stop the front he always put up and just allow himself to be human for once.

He chanced a look in her direction and saw that she was just looking at him, studying him even. He felt very much like an ant under a magnifying glass and he just hoped she didn't focus the sun down onto him. Her deep whiskey brown eyes stared into his cool grey ones and he felt the sun's ray burning a hole in his gut. He didn't like how intense she was at the moment, especially since it was directed solely at him. He lifted his chin in challenge; he wouldn't run or cower away from her, even after allowing himself to go soft. She stood quickly and began pacing the way he knew she did when she was formulating her words carefully and delicately.

"So it wasn't hatred that made you call me mudblood for seven years? It wasn't hatred that focused your attention on trying to make me feel inferior and less than worthy of my magic since the day we met? What was it then, if not hatred? Was it just plain maliciousness on your part? Do you enjoy tearing people apart who are different than you? If you don't hate me and never have then why did you try your hardest every day to ground me down under the mud you thought superior to me?"

On the one hand, she was still fighting and not giving up like he wanted her to. On the other, how dare she be such a bitch after he was nothing but honest with her? _This is why scorn and indifference is the way to live life,_ he huffed in his head. If she wanted to hash it out with him now, then so be it. At least she was dealing with something, even if it wasn't the more pressing matter, it was progress.

"I would appreciate you getting the facts straight if you insist on throwing them in my face. I haven't called you mudblood for seven years," he stated simply. He allowed his natural haughtiness to slip into his voice while he picked himself up off the ground. If she wanted a fight she would get one, but she needed to remember just who exactly she was raising her hackles at. Her jaw dropped and it looked as if she was ready to tear his head off but he just leaned against the mantle and sent her a smug smile. "I haven't called you a mudblood in two years; ever since Voldy went moldy I haven't even muttered the word."

"So what?" She all but spat at his feet with all the venom that laced her words.

"Two years of you _not_ dragging me through the dirt doesn't make up for the five that you_ did_." She tossed her hands in the air. "You can't just flip a switch, Malfoy, it doesn't work that way. It doesn't all just disappear because you had a bloody epiphany about morals. You haven't even apologized so how am I supposed to realize you've seen a flippin' light? And for another thing it isn't like you've been pleasant towards me even if you did stop calling me that disgusting name. You still look down your nose at me, just because you don't say it doesn't mean you don't feel that way towards someone like me."

_She's fascinating when she's all flustered and fired up, _he allowed himself that one thought but wouldn't allow himself anything more. Thinking that way about Granger would only lead to more trouble than he was already in. He would let her burn her way through her frustration at him, she needed an outlet so he'd take it as much as his pride would allow. What she was saying was true and it wasn't anything he hadn't already thought about. No, an apology was never part of that thought process and he wasn't sure he even_ could_ apologize for his past behaviour without it sounding empty or forced.

"Not to mention," she continued, breaking him out of his ruminations, "that you've been an insufferable git to every one of my friends since day one. You think you're superior to everyone else but you're not. You are human; you're made up of the same things I am. You have the same blood that I do, we bleed the same way, you're not immortal and neither am I. We think and feel and laugh and cry all the same way. You're not better than I am. Just because you have money and pureblood doesn't make you perfect, no matter how much you think you are."

_Pride limit reached, _he thought. That was going too far, he started to do his own pacing. He could feel his blood boil at the idea she had of his life. How almost hilarious it was to think of his life or himself as perfect.

"I know I'm not bloody perfect, Granger. My father made sure of that every fucking day. 'You're a sorry excuse for a Malfoy' he would tell me. 'Can't even beat a mudblood' he sneered _every_ summer when my finals would come in. 'I don't know why I even try to make excuses for your ineptitudes' and 'you can't even beat Potter at a silly game of Quidditch.' Did you ever stop to think how things were on my end of the wand? No you and your bloody perfect friends just assumed that everything was fucking brilliant in the Malfoy household. Father and son all chummy and shit, that just because I look like him I will turn out like him?

"My father never said one nice thing to me or my mother. Am I sorry that I used you as my outlet? Yes. Am I sorry that I caused you the same pain I went through every day I was at home? Yes, alright? I'm sorry. But fuck, Granger, wake up and smell the tea, not everything is how your blindingly brilliant brain makes it out to be."

In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have exploded on her like that but she'd rubbed a very sore area on his pride and it stung like a bitch. He knew he was throwing sharp arrows and stones with his eyes at her but he couldn't bring himself to be delicate right now. Now that he was the one on the high ground he felt like driving a few more things home for her to chew over.

"Now as for your little pity party a few moments ago, I want to set something straight. I didn't learn what real hate was until fifth year so I guess you could call what I felt for you a child's hate but I know now what real hate is. I know what it's like to live literally in fear of someone." He felt some wind leave his sails as the realization that, _so did she_, came over him. "Now you do too…and I hate that you do. I wish you didn't."

She'd stopped her pacing and was just watching him. Understanding and pain flittered across her eyes and she lowered her head to the ground, the wind out of her sails as well.

"I'm sorry…" she started and he couldn't help the half scoff that came from him.

"For what?"

"I…I shouldn't have said you thought yourself perfect. I know what kind of man your father was and the things he did. I shouldn't have thrown your demons in your face. I'm just so lost. I hate, yes truly _hate_, the man that did this to me. I feel like only a shell of my real self. I don't belong to myself anymore. I can't move or think without seeing or feeling him all over me." She crossed to the armchair and sat down gently and put her face in her hands.

"I know you said you'd get me a wand but right now I don't have one and I feel so naked and exposed. And I still don't understand why it's you of all people that I find peace with. When I'm around you I know I won't be hurt. Even when Ron and Harry were here I kept looking over their shoulders, like they were hiding him under an invisibility cloak or something. It's irrational, but for some reason I'm safe when you're around. But then at the same time I start to think about him and if he was able to do that to me, then he could do that to someone else. I can't protect myself let alone someone else.

"I want to tell the headmaster that there is someone out there doing these things but…how can I? I'd be admitting that I really am not good enough for magic. It failed me because…well I don't know why exactly but it feels like everything you've said in the past and everything _he_ said about mudbloods and not being worthy of magic and being worthless and…well all of it, it feels real, like that's the real truth and I've been lied to by everyone else and only you and he have been showing me the reality of the world. My brain tells me I'm a witch by my own right, not by blood purity, but I feel so empty right now that my body says otherwise. I can't feel the magic anymore; he took it all with him. I can't feel anything except his touch all over. Not the brush through my hair, the taste and temperature of food, it's all muted, I'm just numb to everything."

Draco's chest hurt more with each admission from her, a stabbing stinging sensation he hadn't felt before. It was an ache he wanted to rub away but it was so deep that he couldn't reach it. He thought it might even be coming from his soul. He ached for what she lost almost as if he'd lost it himself. Every ounce of anger he'd had at her was gone and all he had left was sadness and a deep protective need to take all her fears away and keep her safe. Hermione's words had been like a trigger for his protective side, awakening it. He wanted to run away with her, somewhere he knew that man could never get to her again. It was irrational and crazy but every nerve in his body was telling him to protect her. He didn't understand it; he'd never experienced emotions like this before.

Deep down Draco knew they couldn't run away so he did the only thing he could think of, he crossed over to her and pulled her into his arms. She wasn't crying and there was no real reason for him to need to hold her other than wanting to be close to her. She went silently and didn't fight him. All his reason left him as she slipped into his embrace; he didn't think, he just acted on emotions he'd never dealt with before. She felt so perfect in his arms and he couldn't bring himself to shy away from the closeness as he'd done all of his life. He'd had girlfriends and one night stands before but no one had felt like this, molded perfectly to his body. No one had filled his arms so completely.

"Do you feel this, Hermione? Do you feel my arms around you? Solid and strong against your back? Do you feel my breathing, in and out against your body?" He spoke slowly and quietly and waited patiently for her answer. When she nodded her head yes he squeezed her in his arms, restricting her movement and he knew if she was feeling the other guy she would pull away and fight him off. But she held still in his embrace.

"Do you feel the need to run when I restrict your movement? Do I feel like him? Are you feeling him when I touch you?" She shook her head no and he released the pressure but didn't let go. He was truly happy she didn't fear him, even if they didn't understand why. He allowed himself to rest his head against the top of hers. Her hair tickled his nose slightly.

"I don't know why you feel safe with me. I don't know why I'm feeling the way I do with you. I'm protective over you; I've been this way since I found you outside. You're right we use to dislike each other and I did try my hardest to break you down before, but now I can't stand the thought of you hurting. I made a promise to help you but I have to confess I don't know what I'm doing. I am about as lost here as you are. But the first thing I know you need to do is to start feeling again. You need to feel, Hermione. If the sadness and the mental weight is too much, then feel with your hands and arms, feel the floor beneath your feet. Feel the fire hot on your face. Feel the way my arms and hands surround you in a protective and non-malicious way. You can't run away from touch anymore, alright?"

She was crying, silent wet tears soaked into his shirt but by now, he didn't care. Blaise had been right; he did have feelings for her. As crazy and insane as it was with how short of a time they'd been civil with each other, he still felt something. What it was, he didn't know but what he did know was that he didn't want her to hurt anymore; he didn't want her to run away, even if she was always running to him. He needed her to face reality as much as she needed to herself.

"Don't fight with the whys you probably won't ever know. Instead, fight him. Fight the fear he left in you. Work through those moments when you want to run, when you want to give up or give in. I'll help you if I can but most of the work will be in you. Can you do that? For yourself, for the you that you can't find or feel anymore, will you fight instead of flee?"

Into his chest she nodded and sniffed. "I'll do my best. Will you catch me if I fall?"

"Haven't I already?" She gave up a short chuckle and wiped at her eyes and pulled away from him. The spell was broken but his arms felt like lead at his sides and they ached to pull her to him again. He ignored them as best he could.

"Yes, I suppose you- what is that?" He spun around and without consciously doing so he pushed her behind him and pulled his wand out ready to defend the both of them. His hand was on her arm behind his back and he held onto her tightly. He wasn't going to let anything else happen to her. When a white fox patronus formed in front of him he relaxed slightly. He knew whose patronus that was and he lowered his wand but didn't release his grip on Hermione.

"It happened again, wait up for me." The fox melted into the air.

Blaise's voice echoed around the room and sent a chill up Draco's spine. Behind him he felt Hermione crumble to the ground, their grip on each other broke and he could almost smell the fear in the air. It seemed to permeate the room with a stench that could have wrinkled his nose. He heard her gasping for air and found it hard to breathe himself. It took a while for the words to soak into his brain but when they finally did and he realized how scared she must be, he sank to the floor to comfort the only person who mattered at the moment.

**-BZ- **

Blaise waited impatiently outside the screen where the girl was being treated. He didn't know her name but she looked vaguely familiar. She'd passed out cold while the patronus sent his messages. He'd taken a look at her back and done a superficial healing charm on her to staunch the bleeding. He hadn't had the stomach to see the damage done between her legs but he knew it was significant by the blood left behind.

He didn't know what had called him to the tower. He'd been on his way out to do his rounds as it was his night for them being a prefect still. Something white and blinding had materialized in front of him and sank into his chest. All he could think about after that was the pressing need to get to the Astronomy Tower. Unfortunately he'd been just leaving the dungeons so it had been quite the journey from the lowest point in the castle to the highest. His feet couldn't move fast enough for the urge that had taken over his body and whenever he could he'd broken into a run. Thinking back now he was almost positive that she had been the one to send for help. How exactly she'd done that he wasn't sure.

They'd put a silencing charm around the cubical where they'd taken her so he didn't know what was going on, if she was awake, if they'd healed her in time, nothing. He didn't like not knowing things. He made it his business to know everything without anyone else the wiser.

"Mr. Zabini?" Madam Pomfrey came over to him with an exhausted yet stern look on her face. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her hair was sticking out from beneath her cap. He stood from where he was sitting in what must have been the most uncomfortable chair in the castle.

"Madam, is she alright?"

"Come into my office please." She turned on her heal without waiting for a reply and went straight into her office, leaving the door open for him to follow. After only a second Blaise followed her and as soon as he was clear of the door it swung shut behind him.

"Please have a seat, Mr. Zabini," Professor Dumbledore sat behind Madam Pomfrey's desk still dressed in his chosen robes of the day.

"Professor," Blaise acknowledged him as he sat down gracefully on the other side of the desk. Pomfrey went to stand next to the end of her desk as to be able to see if her patient needed anything. "Is she okay?" He asked again.

"She is physically healed, yes. Our concern now turns to her mental stability. I must ask you, Mr. Zabini, do you know anything about what happened to Miss Klein?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in the way that made Blaise weary of what was really behind the mask.

"No, Sir. I can take a guess and probably be right on the money, but I don't know anything for certain. I found her on my nightly rounds and called for Madam Pomfrey immediately. I healed the cut on her back to stop some of the bleeding and I conjured a blanket for her to give her some privacy but otherwise you know more than I."

Dumbledore glanced at Pomfrey and they shared a pained look before they turned back to Blaise. The headmaster cleared his throat and seemed to settle on what he wanted to say.

"Mr. Zabini, we have reason to believe that someone in the school is torturing and raping muggleborns. A name came from Miss Klein, one you know quite well and we would like your take on it because you seem to know him the best of anyone. Do you know where your friend Draco Malfoy is right now? Or where he was this evening?"

Blaise's blood ran cold. _They don't think…they think Draco did this!_ He had to form his words perfectly as not to reveal Granger's secret but he needed to prove that Draco was not the one raping muggleborns.

"Yes, Sir, I know where he was this evening. He was with me before dinner and he had a study date with someone after that. I can assure you, Headmaster, Draco didn't do this. I can't tell you how I know because it isn't my story to tell but believe me when I say he is the last person, other than me, in this school to ever do that to anyone."

"How can you be so sure, what with his father being who he was," Madam Pomfrey spat out. Dumbledore sent her a look that Blaise couldn't describe even if he wanted to. It was the chilliest he'd ever seen the Headmaster be towards someone, especially one of his staff but hidden so well he almost didn't see it.

"With all due respect, Madam Pomfrey, but if you had any idea what Draco and I grew up in, you wouldn't be saying or thinking the things you are right now." She turned her nose up to him and he pressed on, if she wouldn't believe him then he would prove it to her.

"We grew up watching Draco's mother and my sister abused daily by the men they called their husbands. We heard their screams, we watched as they slowly lost their will to fight back. As we got older we started to understand just what exactly was happening to them and it tore us up inside. We couldn't do anything to stop it but neither could we just ignore it. We made as close to an unbreakable vow as children can make to never cause that kind of pain on another person so long as we lived, even if we were forced to become Death Eaters, we wouldn't cause that kind of pain. We know what it is like to watch people we love cry and be tortured Madam Pomfrey. We hate that it is burned into our memories, why would we go searching for it for ourselves and break our vow to each other?"

Blaise knew he'd said too much but at the moment he couldn't care less. How dare she insinuate that just because Draco was brought up in a home where a death eater in hiding lived meant that he was just like his father? He looked over to the Headmaster. Dumbledore seemed equal parts sad and pleased that Blaise had for all sense and purposes cleared Draco's name. Madam Pomfrey seemed humbled and ashamed of her judgment on him.

"My apologies, Mr. Zabini. Excuse me," she forced out and left to see to her patient.

"Please forgive her abruptness. It is not every week that the students she cares so deeply for turn up traumatized by demons not normally seen here at Hogwarts. In fact, I can't remember ever dealing with this particular problem in all my years here. I must ask, why would Miss Klein say Mr. Malfoy's name if he had nothing to do with her situation." Dumbledore stared at Blaise over the rim of his half-moon glasses and one eye twinkled as if to pull the truth out of Blaise by mesmerizing him with its depths.

Here he would need to be careful again, he'd already told too much of Draco's personal business and he didn't want to break his trust, that was something near sacred to the two of them.

"All I can say Sir, is that Draco is involved with a previous victim who doesn't wish to come forward. I sent a patronus to him to tell him that it had happened again. She must have picked up on his name when I said it. I'm sorry Sir, but that is all I can say. May I see her? I would like to see for myself that she is okay." Dumbledore sat for a moment but then nodded his head and dismissed Blaise. When he turned to leave Madam Pomfrey was in the doorway.

"She is asking for you, Mr. Zabini. She is very weak and we cannot be sure how stable she is mentally but for now you can see her." Blaise nodded and made his way around the Head Nurse.

He paused outside the curtain to her cubical. What was he to say to her? Glad you made it, hope it doesn't drive you to kill yourself? Well he had more class than that. He would just have to take it moment by moment, keep things generalize and just make sure that she was okay. He was afraid she would end up like Granger. From what Draco had said she was handling it badly. Blaise felt somewhat responsible for this girl's wellbeing, since he was the one to find her. He hesitated again but then told himself that if he stood out there any longer he would start to think himself a coward and Blaise Zabini was no coward. He pulled the curtain to the side and walked into the closed off room and pulled it shut again.

"Who are you?" She said softly. His breath caught in his throat when he took her in. Even in a hospital gown and bruised he could see how beautiful she was. Her black hair cascaded down over her shoulder and down her chest and her eyes were so bright blue he could see the ocean water in them. She had a cut that was healing on her cheek that marred her porcelain doll face. It felt wrong to think of her this way after what had happened to her but he couldn't help it. How had he missed her the last seven years?

"I said who are you?" she asked again and that broke him out of his trance. It was nearly never that Blaise forgot himself and it took him by surprise. His cool and measured demeanor took over and he was able to think again.

"Blaise Zabini, and you would be Miss Klein?" He adopted a business-man tone into his voice. He needed to keep anything and everything emotional out of the forefront of his mind. This wasn't the time or the place to be entertaining those thoughts about anyone.

"Amelia, please. You're the one who rescued me?" Blaise nodded but kept silent. "Thank you." Amelia looked away and down at her bed sheets and played with a loose thread.

"You're welcome." It was all he could think to say, but it felt so wrong. It was like she'd said 'thanks for passing the tea'. The sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Did you…did you see him at all on your way up?"

"No, there was no one around. I'm…I'm sorry this happened to you…" he started to say when she interrupted him.

"Did something bring you to me?" Blaise hesitated to bring up the incident more than he had to. He didn't want to bring back any memories and cause her more pain than she was already in. As if reading his thoughts she sighed and straightened up in her bed, the covers falling down around her lap and the hospital gown drooped low over her chest. He turned away quickly and she pulled her top up more and pulled the covers around her torso.

"I won't break. I know what happened to me, it was awful but I don't want to tip toe around it. I want to find who did this to me and if I can get away with it, kill him. I'm stronger than Pomfrey says; I'm not going to fall apart into a puddle of tears. Please tell me what you know. If it's too much I'll tell you to stop. And please sit down…you're much too tall right now."

He couldn't believe how calm she was. It was as if she'd taken a tumble off a broom not just been tortured and raped. If she said she was fine then he would believe her, but he would be cautious anyway. He sat down on the farthest edge of the bed feeling very uncomfortable about doing so.

"All I know," he started. He put his hands on his knees and watched her for signs of distress. "Is I was heading to do my rounds and this white light materialized in front of me and…well I guess it sank into my chest, that's the best I can describe what happened." He paused and looked her over, making sure he wasn't freaking her out at all. She just sat there with one eyebrow cocked as if thinking of what could have caused it. _She must be a Ravenclaw. She's much to interested in the how's than normal,_ he thought to himself

"All I could think about was getting to the Tower. When I got there I found you on the floor barely conscious. I didn't see anyone on the way there and there was no one left in the tower when I arrived. I…I sent for Pomfrey with my patronus. I covered you with a blanket made from a sweater I found and they brought you here. That's all I know."

She didn't seem satisfied, he noted, as she had a frown that he thought was almost pouty with how her bottom lip stuck out just that much over her top lip and her eyebrow still cocked up.

"You mentioned the name Draco. Is that who did this to me?" She stared him in the eye and her oceanic eyes met his deep brown, almost black, ones. His gut heated at her intensity.

"No. I promise that he was not the one who did this. He knows someone who this has also happened to. I sent him a message because he will want to know that it wasn't a one time thing." She nodded and they both fell into an awkward silence.

"Do you know what that white light was?" Blaise asked. He wanted to know if she had sent for help or if the castle had sent him. It was magic he'd never come across and it intrigued him. So far she'd been doing alright so he thought it would be okay to ask. He hoped he wasn't wrong.

"When…" she started. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. _I shouldn't have asked,_ he thought. "When he was…almost done…I kept thinking that he was going to kill me when he it was all over. He," she cleared her throat. "He had me over the rail by a spell and I was afraid he was going to release the spell once he was done with me. I just remember praying for someone to find me before I died."

She fidgeted in the bed and he reached out to her knee and placed his hand there, gently as not to startle her. She looked him in the eye and down at his hand and back to his eye. He could see the fear and sadness in her eyes which had stormed over, the calm yet vibrant ocean blue had turned murky and dull at the memories. He had to work hard at keeping his dinner down at the picture she painted in his mind of what the guy must have done to her. He would be fine with not knowing the rest, he decided.

"It's okay; you don't have to tell me. I'm sorry I asked." She put her hand over his for just a second and then released it.

"No, no I'm fine. It's just hard to say aloud. I think I need to say it, to make it real and to make it in the past, you know? I can't…I couldn't tell the Professor or Pomfrey, it just wouldn't come out. Do you mind? I know you don't owe me anything and I don't know why I feel like I can tell this to you without you getting freaked out or psychoanalyzing me, but I do."

"Whatever you need." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She was starting to look tired.

"Thank you. So uhm…I just remember praying really hard and then a flash of white light enveloped what I could see of the tower and it pushed him…pushed him out of me for a minute." Blaise swallowed hard to force down the bile rising in his throat. He needed to keep his composure no matter what she said. He didn't know why she felt comfortable with him but at least she was speaking of it, getting it all out there, and not repressing it like he knew Granger was doing.

"When he recovered from whatever the light did to me he tore into me until he was finished. I just remember him casting some spell on me and then threatening that if he was caught he'd find me and torture me until I begged him to kill me. Do you know how I got through it all?" Blaise shook his head, unwilling to trust his voice at the moment. "I kept telling myself that dead, I couldn't kill him myself. If I stayed alive I could find him, stop him. I could prevent this from happening to anyone else. But once he was done, I just wanted to lie down, go to sleep and not wake back up. I tried for the door but everything hurt so much and I couldn't move because of what he did to my back. Then you showed up and I felt like I had a chance to live. I remember being jealous of your patronus, though I didn't catch what it was."

"A fox," he supplied quietly not wanting to break her train of thought. She was so much stronger than he could ever have imagined. This had just happened to her and here she was retelling it like it was a story from last week's newspaper. She started to fidget again and she looked pale and tired. He was about to say he would let her get some sleep when her whole demeanor changed. She popped her head up and the look in her eyes was strange, like she wasn't there anymore and it was just a shell of who she really was.

"Oh, you'll have to show it to me sometime. So yea, I don't know what that light was, I'm sure it's somewhere in a book in the library. Possibly on raw magic maybe? I should go look it up right now. I really want to know what happened. Do you think they'll let me leave? Oh well I'll just go before they notice." She was started to speak quickly and her breathing was growing short. She tossed the covers back and got out of bed and she had her feet on the floor before he could stop her. He stood quickly and put himself in front of her. Still weak from her attack she fell into his arms and he braced himself to hold her weight.

"Easy now, no need to be in a rush," he said quietly. She was still breathing erratically and he was about to call for the nurse when she burst into tears. Now he knew what Draco felt when Granger had fallen apart on him without warning. Awkward would not cover how he felt right now. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know her at all, and he knew nothing that he could use to comfort her with. At least Draco knew Granger somewhat. He'd only known Amelia for a few hours yet here she was crying on his shoulder, being held up by his arms.

He shuffled them back into the bed but even as they sat she held on to him. He was, for the first time ever in his life, completely left without words. Amelia on the other hand was muttering incoherencies in-between shallow erratic breaths. He thought he caught something about 'home' and 'Owen' and 'forgive' but he couldn't be sure. For once he wished Madam Pomfrey would show up and put her to sleep so she didn't have to remember this anymore.

As if brought in by magic the Nurse appeared and sent Blaise a scowl to rival all scowls and peeled the girl off him. She forced down two bottles of liquid down Amelia's throat. One was purple and he knew it was a dreamless sleep potion and the other he wasn't sure of its purposes. The nurse told the girl to relax and almost immediately Amelia fell asleep. Blaise watched her for only a moment more before he turned on his heel and left.

**A/N:** Okay, what did you think? Yay Hermione/Draco moment. Yay Blaise/Amelia moment. Boo on the shorter chapter. Please review and let me know how it's going for you. Want to see something happen? Let me know! Love you all!


	10. On New Beginnings, Took Long Enough

**Chapter 10: On, New Beginnings, Took Long Enough**

**Disclaimer: If only I could just…but I can't because they're not mine…damn.**

**Warnings: Language (though I think you've all figured that part out by now), mentions of rape yada yada so on and so forth. Nothing to awful I don't think.**

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! Please hate me later but life with an almost one year old (in one week!) plus a full time job on top of needy family and friends who don't seem to care about my free time…well anyway here it is and I'm so so so sorry it is so ridiculously late.**

**Thank you to those who reviewed and those who followed (ahhh over 120! nervous now!) You guys make it all worth it!**

**On with the story.**

**-BZ-**

Blaise hurried to find Draco. _Why does the Hospital Wing have to be so far away from _everything _in this bloody castle_! Blaise needed to talk to Draco, he needed to throw up, he needed to do a lot of things, but staying in the hospital wing was not one of them.

When he didn't find Draco in his dorms Blaise lost what little control he had left and punched the wall. He hadn't been able to help his sister all those years ago, and now he felt just as helpless when it came to helping Amelia. He was so good with words, why wasn't he good with actions? Why couldn't he find them _before_ they went through hell?

He looked down at his now throbbing hand. It was bleeding from the course stone wall but instead of healing it he let it bleed and throb as he leaned his back into the cold wall. He tossed his head back into the stone in frustration. He didn't know how long he sat there. It could have been seconds; it could have been hours before Draco finally showed up.

"Hey mate, you alright?" Draco said as he came around the corner. Blaise almost smiled with relief but stopped himself when he saw none other than Hermione Granger following closely behind him, eyes wide and full of fear.

"Hello, Granger. , I'll be alright." He looked Draco in the eye and saw the haunted clouds behind they grey steel.

"Your hand is bleeding," Granger pointed out. Blaise laughed.

"That tends to happen when you punch a stone wall. Not the most brilliant idea I've had recently." Blaise clenched his fist, nothing felt broken at least. The dryimg blood cracked and oozed.

"Shall we go inside or would you both like to get detention for being in the hallway after curfew?" Draco stepped past him and muttered the password. The wall where his door was melted away and they walked through the portal.

Blaise watched Granger as she hesitantly crossed over the threshold into Draco's rooms. Her eyes were wide and appreciative at the décor but he could tell she wasn't really paying attention to color palate. He made his way to his normal place on the couch. He could not muster up enough care to hold himself upright even though Granger was with them.

_Like she was one to judge anyway,_ he thought.

She sat down in one of the armchairs and he noticed Draco hovering next to her like a body guard. They shared a glance that they must have understood silently and Draco sighed and sat down on the couch as close to her as he could get. Blaise smiled. They would be good for each other if only they would allow themselves to be.

"Do you want me to heal your hand?" Draco asked, breaking the silence.

"No, the sting reminds me not to do it again. It doesn't feel broken, just scratched. I'll be fine." Draco nodded as if he understood exactly how Blaise was feeling.

"What happened?" Granger's voice was barely above a whisper and if the room hadn't been silent but for the crackles from the fire, he probably would have missed it. He glanced at Draco, waiting for permission to go into detail in front of Granger unsure where she was in the dealing process.

"She wants to know. I've already tried to talk her out of it but here we are and it's getting late. So…what happened?" Draco expressed what Granger was silently saying with her eyes. Blaise took a deep breath and told them what had happened that night.

He told them everything from the time he left the common room to when they walked into Draco's dorm. He was proud of Granger; she didn't fall apart or run. Once he noticed Draco's hand on her knee, gently and quietly placed there much like Blaise had done with Amelia. A glimpse of the old Granger showed when he mentioned the white light and how it had absorbed into him but it was dashed quickly when he told them where it had led him and what he'd found.

She was still sitting in the chair, Draco leaning forwards with one hand on her knee and the other folded into a fist against his forehead. After retelling it for the third time that night Blaise felt exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.

"Did you tell them who it was that he'd done this to before?" Again her voice was barely above a whisper as if she didn't trust it not to shake if she spoke any louder.

"No, but after your recent visit I'm sure they're going to figure it out. I'm sorry; it was either that or let them continue to think Draco was guilty. I'm sorry too, mate, I know what I told them was more than we ever wanted to share but that dumb nurse was poking in all the wrong areas and I just sort of…lost it." Blaise waited for the anger to come from Draco but none came. Draco lifted his head and gave a tired half smile and shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. At least they won't keep poking around in our business. Listen, it's late you should just stay here tonight. I'm going to take Hermione back to her rooms and I'll be right back. Take the bed and get some sleep…you're going to need it if you really want to help out Amelia. Women are hard work when they're sane, let alone when they're crazy."

Draco smiled at Granger to show he was joking and she stuck her tongue out at him in return. Blaise wondered if they had any idea what they looked like to an outsider. In such a short amount of time they'd learned things about each other that most couples don't pick up on for months to years, and they weren't even a couple.

Draco was right, he needed to sleep and walking back to the common room, however close it may be, sounded like torture after the night he'd had. He bade his goodnights to Granger and Draco and closed the door behind him. He was just about to lay down when the door opened and Draco came in not bothering to close the door. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial filled with purple liquid.

"If you want it, it's yours, that's all I'm going to say about it." Blaise nodded and Draco sat the vial down on the dresser and left the room, this time closing the door for good.

Blaise stared at the vial, weighing his options. Eventually it was decided that the world could go screw itself for the next eight hours and he tossed back the liquid in one swallow. Sleep enveloped him quickly. He was so relieved to not dream of blood and tears soaked into the floor of a tower he once use to love, and all from a girl whose beauty made his breath catch in his chest.

**-HG-**

Hermione couldn't describe how she felt. She was such a mixture of emotions even her brilliant mind couldn't keep up. She was devastated that someone else was hurt, but she was grateful it wasn't her. She was blindly pissed at the man responsible for it all. She was angry at Draco for telling Blaise. It didn't matter that he assured her Blaise guessed who she was and therefore he didn't break any promises.

_How Slytherin of him,_ she thought when he explained it all.

She felt betrayed but…not all at once. She was confused about the intimacy earlier with Draco. The arguments and the admissions on both sides, the embrace they'd shared and the promise she'd made not to run anymore was all so much to absorb and process. She felt safe because Draco was there with her and yet she felt exposed because now her secret was everything but out in the open. She was exhausted, but at the same time she didn't think she could ever find the peace of mind to fall asleep.

"Come on, Hermione; let's get you back to your dorms." Draco had come out from his bedroom where Blaise had disappeared. She took a moment to really look at him. He was tall and he'd filled out over the last couple years. He wasn't gangly any more and she could see faint blonde stubble around his defined angular chin. The arms that had held her so tight and made her feel so safe were muscled and toned to near perfection. A perfect Seeker build with a dash of danger and forbidden curiosity on top. How had she missed him all this time? Clearly he was attractive but his attitude towards her had always marred his features into something grotesque and ugly and she hadn't been able to see past it.

_I see it now,_ she admitted silently.

"Do I have something on my shirt?" She snapped herself out studying of his features and suppressed a blush. She was such a mess right now. Checking out Malfoy while sitting on his couch? Something was direly wrong with her.

"No, nothing. I'm sorry; I'm uhm… just thinking about tonight and well…everything." He raised an eyebrow at her and offered his hand.

"About what exactly?" Draco asked as he led them to the doorway. It was so strange to be chatting with Malfoy of all people like she would one of her closest friends. So much had changed in such a short amount of time and she hadn't had any time to analyze anything. It was all very overwhelming and unexpected.

"Nothing." She heard him growl low and threatening and she looked up at him, confused.

"We've already had that argument about what nothing is and what it isn't. You can't think 'nothing'. It's an active process meaning there is something there to be _thinking_ about. So, at the risk of sounding redundant, about what exactly are you thinking?"

_If only you knew,_ she drawled to herself.

They walked in silence until they were halfway back to her dorm when her steps faltered. Halfway there and then he was going to leave her for the night. He was going to go back to his dorms and she would be alone. She hated being alone, well no she just hated feeling vulnerable and right now vulnerable meant being alone, without protection. After everything that had happened she didn't want to be alone. Where her Gryffindor courage had gone she wasn't sure.

"What now?" he asked when she slowed her steps in the hallway.

"I was just… I don't want to be alone tonight." He studied her as though he were studying a complex runes problem. His eyes flashed something but as brief as it was she couldn't read into what it could have meant.

"You know your rooms are safe, so what's to be afraid of?" She shrugged. If she couldn't put the feelings she was having in the right order in her head, how exactly was she supposed to explain them to him in a way he would understand?

"I'm not really afraid; I just don't want to be alone. Knowing that he's still doing this to unsuspecting girls makes my skin crawl. I know he can't get to me from inside my dorm but that doesn't take the chill away when I…when I remember." Hermione's voice dropped low and she wasn't entirely sure he could even still hear her.

"I always remember when I'm alone." He didn't respond but his face said everything she needed to see. He understood and that right now was what she needed. They continued in silence, her worrying her lower lip and he processing her words and admissions.

Once they reached her dorm he turned as if to say something to her but must have changed his mind because his mouth opened and shut quickly but no sound came through his parted lips. He turned to the portrait, recited her pass-phrase, and then waited for her to walk in before following.

Wandlessly he started the fire and then continued on to get the supplies for her treatment. She jumped when he slammed the ball like he'd now figured out how to do and ground it up to a fine powder. She lay down on the couch, leaving room for him as if it were second nature now. Only two treatments and it's routine, it was a strange feeling.

_Everything is strange now._

Without asking he came over and motioned for her to pick up her head. She did so and he placed a pillow on his lap and she got comfortable, another strange feeling. Comfortable, around Malfoy? Never in a million millennia did she ever expect to feel that way. But she did and somehow it helped with her treatments. Knowing what was coming was half the battle but when your body screamed for air, knowledge went out the window and panic settled in quickly. They'd figured out quickly that the comfort from someone else being there eased the process for both parties.

She tipped the powder back and waited out the effects. Once her breathing stopped she stared into his eyes. Neither blinked and she counted the flecks of almost blue in the grey depths. He held her gaze and stroked her hair. She wondered if he was just doing that because it made his life easier or if he actually enjoyed doing it. He was a mystery. The motive behind his actions perplexed her and after everything else that had happened between them, the confusion meter in her brain was at an all time high.

Hermione's breathing returned to normal and Draco got up from the couch. She already missed his closeness. _When did I become so needy towards him?_ She wondered. He stood awkwardly in the center of her room looking torn between wanting to leave and not wanting to cause her pain by leaving.

"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine," she said quietly in the awkward silence. He snorted in a most un-Malfoy way.

"The last time you said that…well you weren't fine." She hung her head, they hadn't mentioned that since their argument the day before and she'd hoped he wouldn't bring it up anymore. "I'm sorry, that wasn't…I'm just tired. It's all a bit much to take in." She nodded and expected him to leave. She wanted him to leave, but yet she wanted him to stay. Why couldn't things be simple for her anymore?

"I'll stay, but only on one condition." She looked up at him intrigued yet apprehensive to hear his conditions.

"You have to make it to one full class tomorrow. We have Potions first thing in the morning. You don't need a wand; you can appease your Gryffindorks." She shot him a glare that he ignored. "There's minimal touching and you can focus on your work. You promise to go to that class at least, and I'll stay here tonight."

Those were reasonable terms. She was already going to try to make it to Potions tomorrow anyway. She had a better chance at it now that she would get a good night's sleep.

"Thank you, I promise to make it to Potions tomorrow." She stepped up to him and placed her hand on his. His hand hung limply at his side but she saw his entire body tense as she drew near and could practically see him overanalyzing his reaction to her touch. It was a bold move on her part. Usually she only touched him when she was crying and that was more of a fall-into-him-for-support thing than a conscious want to be close to him. Draco looked down at her hand and back up at her, his eyes flickered again, that same something still unreadable behind them and it made her stomach flip.

"Thank you, Draco, for everything." He nodded and she was sure he didn't trust his voice at the moment for fear of what he might hear in it. "There are blankets and pillows in the trunk over there; this really means a lot to me. Goodnight." She turned and walked into her room. She felt good enough to not have to take a dreamless sleep potion. She preferred not to anyway. Sleep came quickly, unfortunately for Hermione, so did the nightmares she was so hoping would stay away.

_Hermione was walking with Draco outside. The sun was shinning, the grass was green, and the lake water was rippling against the soft breeze. It was a perfect day and she couldn't help but smile at the present company. He smiled down at her as well. His grey eyes were bright and clear. The birds were singing a merry tune as they're ought to do in such dreams as this, and everything seemed right with the world. _

_The day turned to night and they found themselves out on a moonlit walk across the grounds doing Head duties together and talking about nonsensical things. They stopped by the boat house, trying to make their night last as long as possible. They sat at the end of the short pier and Hermione dipped her toes into the water. She looked up into Draco's eyes again and they were the same as before, warm and inviting. She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him gently, as if they'd done it a thousand times. _

_A laugh tore through the night. It was an evil laugh, one that nightmares lived for. She pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes. She expected confused grey but received glowing red and he was laughing the same terrible laugh as before and then he was gripping her arms forcefully. She tried to break free of his hold but he was stronger than her and she couldn't move. _

_He wouldn't stop laughing. It was so familiar and she tried to pull away from him repeatedly, but he held her. _

_She tried to tell him to let go but her voice was gone. She tried to scream but nothing came out. She tried to scratch at him, kicked out with her feet but all she felt was water. He was still laughing; it was deafening how loud it was. She thrashed and managed to pull her legs up only to have him straddle her, pushing her down so she lay flat on the pier and he pinned her arms above her head. Red eyes danced above her and the laugh was almost Cheshire like. Teasing and taunting, like a cat playing with its food before killing and devouring it. _

_She struggled against him and he came down to claim her mouth as well. He'd almost reached her mouth and she turned her head away as best she could._

_-Hermione-_

_He was still coming for her. Red eyes were glowing; his hands pushed her arms painfully into the pier…_

_-Hermione- _

_Someone was calling her name! She shouted out for help but no sound escaped her lips. His legs held her still and he put both wrists into one hand and forced her to look up at him with his free hand. He came down at her again._

_-Hermione-_

_She could feel tears trail wet tracks down her cheeks. He laughed again and claimed her mouth as his. _

_-Hermione, please!- _

_He tasted vile. He squeezed her jaw and she had no choice but to open, his tongue darted inside and claimed her mouth as his. She wanted to throw up. She tried to bite his tongue but his strong, forceful hand kept it open and unresponsive._

_-Fuck, Hermione don't do this! Please! Wake up!-_

_She was dreaming! Her heart soared even as her stomach revolted against the intrusion. She could wake up! She could wake up and be safe if only she knew how to do it. _

_She tried; she closed her eyes and focused on the voice, the soft but frantic voice that made her think of trust. It was a good voice, a solid and safe voice. She willed herself awake. _

_-Please…-_

_Eventually the maniacal laugh became distant and the glowing eyes burned themselves out. Everything around her blurred._

Hermione's eyes flew open and she shot up in bed. She collided with something hard and she was immediately enveloped into a tight embrace. It wasn't like in the dream. This was safe and comforting. She melted into it.

She could hear Draco whispering reassuring words in her ear and all she could think about was how glad she was that he was there. Again.

"Shhh…it's okay. I'm here, it was just a dream. He can't hurt you; you're safe now." Draco stroked her hair but she only knew he was doing it because she could see his arm moving. She was numb again; she couldn't feel anything but the overwhelming fear. It was like Draco read her mind because his soothing words changed; they became questions, questions like he'd asked before. Questions she didn't want to answer.

"Can you feel me? Can you feel my arms around you?" She shook her head no. It was scary not feeling, like every nerve in her body conveniently decided to forget how to function properly. "Feel my fingers in your hair, Hermione. Feel them getting caught in your mass of tangles. The tug and pull with each release." The more he talked, the more she felt. Her fear began to ebb away and life returned to her consciousness. He continued pushing her though, asking her to feel this and that. Her tears slowed and her breathing returned to normal.

_How does he make everything better without even trying?_ She wondered.

Draco released her and leaned her back against her pillows. She didn't like the space, she felt safer whenever he was close, but she didn't argue. She knew he wasn't one for physical contact like that and she shouldn't want it from him anyway. She should be putting distance between them but the closeness felt so good. She was amazed at what he'd already done for her so far and she didn't want to push it.

"Tell me," he said quietly into her hair. He didn't have to expand on his statement. Hermione knew what he wanted. But the fact of the matter was, she didn't want to, she didn't want to remember. That was always the problem…the remembering. It was terrifying living through it once and remembering just made it all come back, flooding her with anxiety and fear and reinforcing her self hatred at not being able to protect herself.

"Hermione," he continued, "just like you need to start feeling, you need to start talking. I understand you don't want to talk about what happened that night. And I'm not asking you to right now. But this was just a dream, you can tell me about what happened because it didn't really happen. You know what I'm saying right? A dream can't hurt you, not in your head and not while you talk about it."

She knew logically he was right. It was just a dream and it couldn't hurt her. But remembering anything to do with being forced into something, anything to do with _him_ was painful down to her soul. It wasn't physical harm but it was pain none the less.

Could she talk to him? A week ago they never even shared a friendly hello and now he was the only person she trusted. It was a crazy notion to wrap your head around in such a short time. There were things that he'd seen of her that no other person, besides _him_, had seen before. He'd pulled her back from death twice. He'd protected and looked after her with nothing promised in return. She didn't understand what was happening between them but she did understand that he was only trying to help.

"Please," he said so quiet that if the room hadn't been deadly silent she would have missed it. It sounded very much like the last please she heard before she woke up. It sounded defeated, like he was desperate for her to talk to him but she wouldn't give in. Yet another thing she didn't understand. What had happened to his 'Malfoy's don't show emotion' and 'Malfoy's don't talk' mottos? When had Draco gone from emotionless 'Malfoy' to empathetic 'Draco'?

_And since when does he say please?_ Her mind added. She'd tried to do this on her own and push him away but every time she had she'd screwed it up somehow. Maybe she should give him a chance. _After all, he did say please_, she added quickly. It would hurt but she decided to give him the chance he'd offered her so many times.

Hermione pulled herself away from Draco, curling up her knees and picking at her nails. Half of her body yearned for his touch while the other half shied away and needed the space.

"It started off good. We were on our rounds out by the boat dock." She decided to leave out the first part and the brief kiss. Nothing about that part was tainted and she wanted to keep that part for herself. She hadn't even had a chance to analyze what it could have meant so sharing it with the person of interest wasn't be best idea at the moment.

Draco sat quietly, something she thought he wouldn't know how to do, and listened. He gave her a rare and encouraging smile. It was gone as quick as it came but she saw it and it gave her the strength she needed to continue.

"It was you and everything was fine and then it…well it wasn't you anymore." She continued to tell him about the dream. He sat and listened quietly, absorbing her words. She saw him clench his jaw tighter and tighter as she went on. Hermione also left out the last call that broke into her dreams. Draco didn't need to know that she had heard him beg her to wake up. It was a moment she hadn't dealt with yet and she wasn't sure where he was with it either. Pleading was yet another 'Malfoy' thing he wasn't supposed to do and it surprised her that he was worried about her enough to break his beloved Malfoy code of conduct.

"When I realized it was a dream, when I heard you calling out my name, I focused on waking up. It helped, you know. I heard you calling for me and it gave me strength to fight. Does that even make sense?" She looked up into his eyes and she found a mixture of emotions. Sympathy, anger, a hint of fear, but surprisingly the emotion that showed through the most was, understanding.

"It does. What uh…what all did you hear exactly?" _So I was right, he's afraid I heard him pleading._

"Just my name, that's all." She'd let him keep his pride. He'd done so much for her; the least she could do was let him hold on to the one thing he held the closest.

"Ah…good. So was it _that_ awful to tell? You made it out alive." A smirk twisted his lip at the end and she couldn't help but give a small twitch of a smile in return. Why was this so easy now? It took rape and suicide attempts to mellow out the animosity and anger they had towards each other? At least something positive came from all the bad she'd gone through, and all the bad he'd gone through, and everything that they'd gone through together…at least some good had come from it.

She chewed her lip and continued to pick at her nails. It was good wasn't it? This…whatever it was between them, it was good right? What was there to hate each other about now? Especially after the consistent rescuing and comfort coming from him in the last week.

"Granger?" He pulled her back to the present.

"What? Oh, no, not as awful as I thought it would be," she admitted.

"Talking _will_ help, as much as I hate to admit that…it does. I understand that not everything needs to be said but getting things out when they overwhelm you might help relieve some of the nightmare's you're having. When…when I was dealing with the fall out from my father…" he paused and sighed in resignation, almost as if he couldn't believe he was going to continue. She was shocked that he was willingly offering information about himself in any capacity.

"After everything…you know… Voldemort and my father's trial and all, I had a lot to deal with. I technically became the head of the Malfoy family at 15, along with everything that comes with. Very few people know this but I started to have nightmares and I sank into a deep depression. Blaise eventually had to set up an intervention of sorts. I blew most of it off but one thing that did stick in my thick head was keeping a journal. I was no good with the journaling, and definitely felt stupid when I did write, but I did manage to write my dreams.

"You would be good at journaling. You always have something to say about anything and everything and we all know that your hands are immune to writer's cramps." Draco flashed Hermione his irritating trademark smirk but this time it made her laugh. It startled her, laughing after such seriousness between the two of them but it seemed to have been the desired response as Draco laughed as well.

"If you can't talk, Hermione," he said seriously again, "then write. Just get it out. I know I'm asking a lot but just… don't bottle everything up." She hummed an okay not having a voice anymore, and then she remembered he'd promised to bring his pensieve over.

"What happened with the pensieve?"

"Bloody hell, I forgot all about that. Tomorrow, I'll bring it by after classes." His involvement with the conversation seemed to be over when abruptly stood to leave and Hermione felt a strange pull in her chest. She didn't want him to leave. Before she could ignore her brain, follow her gut and ask him to stay, he crossed the room and picked up the purple bottle she'd ignored before. When he turned back to her his eyes were full of the same understanding she'd seen earlier.

"I know you don't want it, but just do it tonight. You're headed back to class tomorrow and you need your sleep, so just…take it." She couldn't really argue with him. He had a point, she did need sleep and he would be in the other room still so it wasn't like she'd be completely alone. Reluctantly, she agreed.

"I don't want to, but I will." He looked relieved when handed her the vial. She glared at it for a moment but then tossed it back and after swallowing it she settled down under her sheets facing away from the door and away from him. He was almost out the door before she turned around and called out for him. Again she was conflicted on whether or not she wanted him to stop or to ignore her completely and walk out the door.

"Draco?" He replied with a hum of interest and her stomach hummed back, sending itself into a little flip-flop that made her falter for a moment with remember what she was going to say. "Thank you…you know…for waking me up, and well for…everything." The potion was already working and she felt it dragging her under but she heard him reply quietly before darkness took over.

"You're welcome, Hermione, goodnight."

**-DM- **

If anyone had told Draco that he would be a nervous wreck over a potions class, a class he loved and excelled in, because of Hermione Granger and that he'd be worried about how she was going to react to her classmates and two _best friends_, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dipshit, without his help he would have had them admitted to the Hospital Wing for fear of delirium.

Although, if anyone had told Draco that he would be waking up in afore mentioned Hermione Granger's sitting room after willingly holding her, in her private rooms no less, and telling her secrets about his own troubled life, he would have had them sent to St. Mungo's for fear of a serious trauma to the head.

But that was where he found himself. After doing her morning med dose he had left her rooms to freshen up in his own dorm and to snag them some breakfast. He didn't want to deal with her and the Great Hall again. One thing at a time today and the main thing she needed to do was actually _make it_ to class.

Granger didn't seem nervous on the outside but he knew she was a twisted ball of nerves on the inside. She was biting her bottom lip and twisting her fingers, things he'd picked up on as being signs of unease in her. She would pace and sit and then pace again. It didn't help that they were both early risers so they'd had plenty of wait time before heading out to the dungeons.

Just before leaving the room he stopped her in her tracks and made her look at him. They were ready to go but he needed her a bit more prepared, if not for herself than for his sanity.

"There will be people around you, you know that. Snape will have your hide if you drop an ingredient because someone brushes your arm and startles you. No one can hurt you down there. I'm there and your friends are there. If anything, take comfort in Snape's sharp eye for once. He won't let us talk to anyone but our partners so unless you're convinced it was one of your two dunderhead friends then I wouldn't worry about having to deal with anyone else."

"I know. I can't promise I won't be jumpy but I will do my best not to freak out like yesterday." She gave him a half smile and he resisted the urge to pull her into a tight embrace and just tell the rest of the world to fuck off.

_These thoughts are getting annoying_, he thought to himself. He still wasn't comfortable with the developments between the two of them in the last few days. There was way too much touching and emotion-sharing for his liking.

"One more thing, Hermione, no one knows we can bear to be in each other's company, let alone be friendly to each other so…if I say anything, you know, like the things I would have said before all this happened…don't take it personal. When we leave here you're Granger, the know-it-all, lives-to-be-a-pain-in-my-ass-Gryffindork Princess again." He smirked at her and she sent him one back that even his father would have been proud of.

"And you're Draco Bloody Malfoy, the Slytherin Prince of Assholes, whose life goal is to be a jerk to all he deems beneath him. Yea, I got it. It's going to be fine…everything will be fine." She sounded sturdy and strong but her eyes gave away her anxiety for the hours to come.

"Fine, huh? You say that when nothing is 'fine'. I'll still be around, if you need me, and I mean _really_ need me, Granger. But you won't because everything will be, as you so eloquently put it, fine." He didn't want to show how nervous he was, he needed to be the strong one of the two of them, but after yesterday's freak out at the Great Hall he truly was worried about how she was going to handle the day ahead.

"You're right," she conceded. "Everything will be fine. Let's go." And with that said she grabbed her bag and left the room, leaving him behind to send up a silent prayer to the gods for just one thing to go right this week. That wasn't too much to ask for, right?

"May the gods help us today," he muttered as he silenced her fire with a flick of his wand and swiftly exited the room.

They decided to part ways at the fork at the end of the hallway, he going left and she going right. She was heading towards a different route to the dungeons that she thought would be more secluded from the busy hallways. Although he wished she would stay within eyesight, he knew she had a point. Seeing Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger walking civilly down the same hallway and not flanked by two other friends would cause the school to become a rumor mill for all kinds of wicked theories by the end of the first class.

"Draco!" Draco stopped where he was in the busy hallway and turned toward where he thought the voice had come from. He saw Blaise's head bobbing through the crowd. He was a head taller than most students save for the few taller seventh years, such as Draco and sadly the fire-head wanker, Weasley. He waited for Blaise to catch up and they continued to walk down the hallway.

"You know, trying to catch up to someone in the hallway going to opposite way of the general mass is a lot like those salmon trying to get upstream, nearly impossible," Blaise said with a slight huff to his words as he caught his breath. He leaned close to Draco's ear and whispered, "So, is Granger showing up today?"

"That's the plan. No need for a wand in double potions and then she has ancient runes and CoMIC this afternoon." Draco and Blaise had been calling the big oaf's ridiculous excuse for a class 'comic' since third year. It stood for Care of Massively Idiotic Creatures.

They had decided to keep on with it because it was such an easy class, albeit a bit on the dangerous side, as the small scar on his arm reminded him. His father, even though he went forward with all the legal proceedings of getting the hippogriff killed, was furious when he heard how Draco had acted and had kept the healers from removing the scar once it was closed and healed inside.

There was evidently some sort of Malfoy rule he didn't listen to against being rude to ancient and proud creatures, hippogriffs included. Malfoy's weren't rude, they were right and they were firm in their beliefs but they weren't rude. _Whatever, so many bloody rules to follow anyway_, he remembered thinking as his father droned on, and on, and bloody fuck on.

They'd reached the hallway to the dungeons and surprisingly the Golden Trio was already heading into the classroom.

"Well she didn't run away this time," Blaise mumbled under his breath and Draco couldn't have been more relieved than he felt at that moment. He was thankful Blaise knew what was going on so he had an extra set of eyes on Hermione. He wondered how what's her name was doing…Amanda? Annabelle?

"How's…Annabelle?" Blaise laughed and shook his head.

"Amelia, and she's dealing. Got a right strong head on her shoulders. She broke down once this morning talking to me about it but you'll never guess where we were. Bloody crazy, headstrong Ravenclaw." Blaise stopped outside the Potions room. "We went back to the Astronomy Tower."

Draco couldn't help but drop his jaw in shock. Head strong was an understatement. Less than twenty four hours and she'd already faced the place where she was raped?

"Exercising your jaw there, Malfoy? I'm sure your boyfriend there appreciates the extra attention… just take it somewhere else will ya? I don't want to lose my breakfast."

"Ron…" He heard Hermione sigh and he thought he caught the end of an eye roll. _Right, time to test the waters._

"What's the matter Granger, bit too crude for the prude?" He heard Blaise's minute intake a breath and truth be told he was holding his own breath waiting to see how she reacted to him now that they were back on opposing sides. She on the other hand, rolled her eyes at him and smirked.

_That smirk makes her so infuriatingly attractive, wait…no… fuck. _

"No, Malfoy. I just don't think it is worth anyone's time to acknowledge your presence, let alone waste their energy on insulting you." She smiled a wicked smile at him and he glared at her in return. He wasn't sure where the renewed Granger came from but he was glad to see she remembered how to be herself, as irritating as she normally was. He strolled up close to her, both to seem intimidating to everyone else and to see what her eyes were really saying.

"Touching that you find me both worthy of your time and your energy as you saw fit to attempt to insult me." He stared hard into her eyes and he saw the anxiety from earlier still lingering but mostly the old fire-whiskey burn he missed seeing.

"Someone had to put you in your place," she shrugged. "It was my turn to fall on the sword."

Before he could respond Snape closed the door with a flick of his wand and strolled, robes billowing as they were prone to do, to the front of the class. Draco quickly took his seat next to Blaise and Theodore Nott.

"Stirring the pot early, Draco?" Theo asked quietly under his breath seeming a bit more cheerful than normal. Mornings never were Theo's favorite time of day so it was odd for him to be addressing anyone at this hour, let alone be cheerful about it.

"Keeps things interesting," was all Draco had time to say before Snape began their long double potions class.

Draco took in the room around him, allowing Snape's voice to drift off from the forefront of his attention. He wasn't saying anything he hadn't heard before. He nearly snorted aloud as he studied his classmates. A pathetic bunch if he had ever seen one. Sleep deprived Gryffindors and Slytherins together in a classroom filled with volatile potion ingredients for half the day with only one small break. What brilliant mastermind thought this was a good idea? But it had been that way since day one.

The Tweedle-Twats sat together looking half asleep and irritated at having to be in potions this early…or really at all. The Irish bloke who loved to blow himself up, that Thomas guy and Longbottom all sat together. Longbottom still looked his normal scared out of his mind to be anywhere near Snape, though Draco had to give it to the kid…he kept coming back for more and more punishment.

_Must be all that Gryffindor idiocy running through his veins._

Hermione was sitting as far away from everyone as possible but still paying avid attention to the Potion's Master. She seemed to be doing alright. _So far, so good_. He sent her a wink when her eyes flickered to his and she returned it with a roll of her eyes.

When he turned back he noticed Pansy's gaze on him but he ignored her unasked question. He smirked and nodded at Pansy when she threw him a silent bored snore from behind her hand. Snape wasn't saying anything she hadn't heard either. Crabbe and Goyle were still chewing on some sort of food from breakfast. Theo seemed to wander between paying attention and falling back asleep, though he dared not actually fall asleep. This was Potions after all and even though Snape doted on them as they were his house students, no one was safe from his wrath if they were to fall asleep in his class.

Draco's perusing of his classmates ended at Snape's next words and then whole class went into an uproar.

"As you all may know by now, Headmaster Dumbledore has decided to implement inter-house unity during classes. From here on out you will be working with someone from the opposite class and as such I have decided whom will be partnered with whom." The class erupted in tones and voices of arguments and hostility. Snape, sensing he was quickly losing the attention of his class slammed his hand down on the nearest desk, making the entire class, yes even Draco, jump in their seat.

"Any ideas of switching partners or complaining to me about your new partner will be rewarded with 30 points from your house and three days detention with Filch. Understood?"

Draco could tell no one was happy with this news and he wasn't entirely sure this wasn't going to be the worst cluster-fucked idea ever implemented at Hogwarts but…who was he to argue when the punishments were so…undesirable? Perhaps he would get lucky enough to be partnered with Granger. Gods forbid even the idea of him and Weasel-Twat being partnered.

"You will move to the location of the first name I say and I will not repeat myself on the repercussions of arguing." Snape paused as if to dare someone to already argue.

"Nott and Potter." A small groan from Potter's side of the room range out in the silence and Draco thought he heard an 'It could have been worse' come from Potter.

"Thomas and Crabbe." Draco heard Thomas sigh but nothing else from him.

"Parkinson and Weas-

"NOT A BLOODY CHANCE IN HELL!" Draco all but dropped his head on the desk in irritancy and he heard the Gryffindors try to calm their hot headed classmate. "I will NOT work with that Cow!"

"Mr. Weasley," Snape interrupted slow and smooth as if enjoying this moment and savoring it. It did not pass Draco's attention that the Professor and conveniently interrupted Pansy's return remark thus keeping her out of trouble. "You will be joining Mr. Filch for the next three nights and 50 points from Gryffindor for arguing and calling your fellow classmate names. I suggest you move over to Miss Parkinson's desk before I double your punishment." When no more response came from the red head but a lot of book slamming and swearing under his breath just under auditory level, Snape continued with his list.

"Longbottom and Zabini."

"Goyle and Finnigan."

"Last but not least, our Head girl and boy. Granger and Malfoy.

"Take your seats; you have five minutes to be ready to begin brewing the Hiccoughing Solution." There was a crescendo of paper and book shuffling and whispers of '_It won't be that bad right?'_ around the room. Draco on the other hand, was extremely pleased with the positive turn of events. He gathered his things, sent Pansy a look of sympathy as she scooted as far away from the volatile red head as possible and gracefully strode over to Hermione's desk.

"Granger," he smirked. "It seems fate has us stuck together yet again. Shall we get started?"

**A/N: So what did you think? The little tiny hints at solid growing feelings and not just adrenalin rushes, those were good right? Hermione's back bone is growing again, slowly. Good, yes? Draco is still fighting what he's feeling but that's why we love him.**

**Next chapter will be the rest of the potions class and a confrontation after, but between whom exactly? We shall see.**

**Please read and review, I'm having a hard time finding time to write but reviews make me want to please my readers and that means less sleep if necessary to find more time for writing. Thank you again to all that review and follow/favorite. Loff you all tons and tons!**


	11. What's In A Word?

**Chapter 11: What's In A Word?**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them…not even a finger… *pout*

**Warnings: **Talks about Hermione's rape, nothing too graphic. Language, blah blah…It's not awful this time around either.

**A/N: **Thank you for all the blessed reviews! They make me so happy! I can't believe my daughter is one and my dad is 50! Lots of birthdays at the end of July and start of August but I found plenty of time to write so here you go, over 10,000 words :D I'm quite pleased with how this chapter turned out; let me know what you think!

**-HG-**

"Granger," he smirked that irritating smirk that was slowly becoming endearing. "It seems fate has us stuck together yet again. Shall we get started?"

Draco dropped his bag and books down next to hers and rummaged around pulling out this and that before turning back to her and a shiver went down her spine at the fire dancing behind his silver irises. She didn't know why he was so happy but it was starting to scare her.

She was also acutely aware of the fact that she felt better with him sitting next to her. His smell filled her nose and the closeness settled her heart, which had been racing since they parted ways in the hallway. All of this was so confusing to her and she didn't need one more thing to worry or think about.

"So, the Hiccoughing Solution, ever made it before?" He asked cheerfully breaking into her thoughts and redirecting them.

"Read about it but haven't had a chance to practice it. You?" He was being friendly, and in front of people. She wasn't quite sure what to think about the sudden change of character but she found him pleasing to be around at the moment.

"Mmhmm, over the summer. Rather funny to give to the house elves to taste test. What?" He stopped talking when she glared at him.

"You shouldn't use them as your test dummies, they have feelings too!" She whined.

"Oh bloody- they like it, Granger. Would it make a difference if I told you I gave them all a choice after…well after everything with Lucius…I asked them if they wanted to be freed, that they'd more than fulfilled their duty to the family. You know what they said? They said they wanted to stay. They _like_ being useful! I wouldn't hurt them with a volatile potion it was just a Hiccoughing Solution. They had a riot hiccoughing all over the house, bouncing with each little hic."

Hermione calmed some when she heard that he'd offered their freedom after Lucius and almost smiled at the idea of a few dozen, or however many Draco had, bouncing around dusting and cooking and hiccoughing.

"At least you gave them a choice, not much else I can do for them I suppose. So this potion…"

They went about gathering items from the cupboards. Hermione was to get the slimy things as she lost rock/paper/scissors, something she never lost and was surprised Draco even knew how to play. He got all the dried ingredients and when she returned, Puffer-fish eyes and Bouncing Spider juice in hand, he had already ground up the ginger and put the potion water on to heat.

They worked in silence adding this and that at the right time and stirring the potion, working in a comfortable silence. Hermione noticed the room was full of small bickers from her fellow classmates. She figured Draco and her would have added to the noise had it not been for the last week being nearly inseparable. She wasn't quite sure why she wasn't repulsed by the idea of working with Malfoy but instead pleased with the outcome.

"Add in the Bouncing Spider juice," he told her and she complied quietly adding it one drop at a time until the potion turned a bright yellow and the boiling bubbles almost seemed to be dancing. Draco stirred counter-clockwise three turns and the potion calmed to a simmer and the bright yellow gave way to seaweed green.

"Ten minutes at a simmer and then we'll cut the heat and add in the rest of the ginger and the last Puffer-fish eye," Draco instructed and she found that he had a knack for not only potions but in teaching it as well.

"What are your plans after school?" Hermione didn't know where the sudden want for conversation came from but there it was. He frowned down on the potion and she suddenly wished she'd never asked. She was getting use to the softer side of his features when he wasn't sneering or scowling at her.

She wanted his smile back.

"Already planned for me, unfortunately. I'll have to take over the family businesses, lest my uncles take over and no one wants that. My father left me instructions before his trial on the ins and outs of the different businesses we have. It's expected." He sat down in his chair and began writing down the steps they took to create the potion.

Hermione frowned with him. The business side fit him only because he was a Malfoy but she could tell he didn't revel in the idea of being cooped up in an office for the majority of the day writing letter after letter or in meetings with people who likewise didn't want to be there.

Leaning her hip on her stool she studied him. No, the office wasn't where he would thrive. He looked at home here with steam rising from their cauldron and the smell of the various ingredients surrounding them. He was at home next to a potions table with his sleeves rolled to his elbows and his robe draped on the back of the chair. Suit and tie looked good on him, but here he was comfortable and relaxed and…himself. That was where you were meant to be, not suffering because your family told you to.

She dared to voice her opinions and she prayed it wasn't folly. "What about becoming a Potions Master? I can tell you enjoy it and you teach…" her voice dropped low as not to offend their current potions master. "You teach potions better than anyone I've ever been taught by. Granted that's only been by Snape and the few that sub in for him, and that has only happened twice. But you have a gift for understanding the cauldron and its ingredients. You look at peace when you're in here. You don't even pick on Harry and Ron as much during potions. Before and after yes, but when you're brewing…well anyway it was just an idea."

Draco had stopped writing his notes and stared at her and she wondered if she had stepped out of line. He was probably pissed at her now for being so presumptuous with her opinions. Draco put his quill down and studied the potion brewing in front of him. With a resigned sigh he shrugged his shoulders and picked his quill back up, continuing with his notations.

"It is what I _want_ to do, but like I said, it isn't what I'm _meant_ to do. Sometimes…sometimes you don't get a choice."

Draco hadn't set a timer or even glanced at the clock but somehow at exactly ten minutes he scooped up the rest of the ingredients and added them. The potion swelled at the Puffer-fish eyes and flamed for only a second after adding the rest of the ginger. Then it settled and two rounds with the stirring rod later, their potion was finished. They were bottling it when Snape came up to visually inspect it.

"I expect nothing but perfect from the two of you. Seems I'm not disappointed this-" Snape would have finished his sentence if not for the loud bang and then an eruption of yelling behind him and Hermione prayed it wasn't Neville this time. Unfortunately it was worse than that.

"Watch out!" Pansy yelled at the class and threw up a containment charm around the cauldron as it bubbled and popped out of control. She quickly turned off the fire and pushed Ron out and away from the potion that was littering the floor and dripping off the table.

"Stupid bitch, you did that on purpose! It's all over my clothes!" Ron shouted holding out his shirt and flinging potion all over Pansy. The students around them backed away and put shielding charms around them as not to get themselves covered in the botched potion.

"Stop that, you dolt, you're tossing that stuff at me! Don't you know what that does you idiot! And I did nothing! If you wouldn't constantly get in my way then maybe I would have enough room to add ingredients _in the right order _and then it wouldn't have exploded all over you! Besides, it's a marked improvement as now you actually have a reason to have holes in your shirt!" Pansy yelled back trying frantically to get the potion off her shirt but it just burned right through.

It was then that Ron noticed his hands swelling and the room started to smell like burning flesh.

"What the – look at my hands you bint!" He held his hands up and they were swollen and small blisters were forming. Pansy looked sick and then grabbed at her own arm. Seemed Ron wasn't the only one splashed before Pansy was able to contain it.

"You awful, pathetic, idiotic-" Pansy didn't get a chance to finish as Snape had descended on them quickly and silently. They'd been so lost in their bickering neither had bothered to notice the new addition until they were both pinned to opposite sides of the room, and silenced as well.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor. Zabini, Longbottom, clean this up while I escort these two to the hospital wing. I expect you all to turn in your potions before you leave and a twelve inch essay on the damaging effects of Bouncing Spider Juice on exposed skin, due next class. You may thank Miss Parkinson and Mr. Weasley here for the extra homework. Class dismissed."

Ron and Pansy were released from their bonds but not from their silencing charm. Seemed Snape didn't want to hear anymore of their bickering either. The class, at least those done with their potion already, started packing up their things and half cursing their classmates for the extra work and half thanking them for the extra time off. It was a toss up really which was better.

Hermione sighed, Ron could be a pain in the neck when it came to potions but at least Pansy could excel where he lacked. He was impatient and sloppy where Pansy was precise and rarely in a hurry when it came to potions. It was a miracle the potion hadn't exploded all over the class. She had eloquently contained a possibly disastrous explosion.

Pansy had also stood up for herself, albeit in a rather condescending way but…she didn't seem like someone to let a guy walk all over her or place blame where it wasn't supposed to be. Ron had tried to blame her for the mini explosion but it had been Pansy who'd minimized the damage.

Hermione wondered what Pansy would have done if she'd been the one attacked. Would she have been able to fight him like Hermione hadn't been able to? Would her…dare she even think that way again but it was there, niggling at the back of her mind…would Pansy's blood status protect her like Hermione's magic hadn't? Was that why Hermione couldn't feel the magic anymore? Because it wasn't hers to begin with? She'd always thought herself strong and able but maybe after all that she had allowed to happen to her that the gods decided she wasn't worthy of magic and took it away? She wasn't strong like Pansy.

Was she seriously comparing herself to Pansy Parkinson?

"What?" Draco asked quietly. He'd been studying her and he must have noticed the change in her mood. When had she become such an open book?

"Noth- er…I just…just thinking about things." She caught herself from saying 'nothing' again, his words from yesterday still stinging in her memory.

"Are you," he started but looked around the room, noticing some students looking at them quizzically. He dropped his voice and his lips barely moved as not to draw attention to them. "Are you alright?"

Hermione was surprisingly touched by his immediate response to her mood change and his, okay not completely open involvement with her wellbeing, but involved…quietly? She had been doing so good…she hadn't thought about the incident through the entire class and now she felt like she was back at square one, hating herself and her blood status and wondering if that was why nothing had helped her. But here Draco was ready to help her if she needed it.

Was she alright?

"I don't know." It was an honest answer, she truly didn't know. Was she alright? No, not in any sense but was she stable enough not to go and do something stupid? Yes, she wasn't having any relapses in suicidal thoughts or anything. She was just…dealing. Poorly, but dealing as best as she could.

"Okay…not sure what to do with that. Do you need to…talk?" Draco asked equally as quiet as before.

"Longbottom! Wait, watch out, you are going to step in-" Blaise sighed, defeated, "it."

"Oops." Blaise groaned and looked towards Draco for sympathy but Draco was focused on Hermione and didn't notice his friend's plight.

"C'mon, let's finish cleaning this up and then go to the hospital wing to make sure it didn't go through your shoes." Blaise whispered a cleaning spell and even did one on Neville's shoes. Hermione couldn't help but crack a smile at Neville, would he ever grow into his clumsiness? He'd grown into his large hands and feet and was quite good looking now; he just needed to work on his coordination skills.

"Granger…you didn't answer me," Draco whispered, leaning closer to her than probably necessary.

"I-"

"Hermione, you're going up to the Hospital Wing with me, right?" Harry asked from the doorway. Seems Nott knew how to brew the potion as well and they'd finished about the same time as Hermione and Draco.

"Granger…" Draco whispered again.

"Hermione?" Harry asked impatiently.

Hermione looked from Draco to Harry and back to Draco. She felt like a tug-o-war rope. Did she want to go traipsing through the school to be told Ron couldn't have visitors right now? Did she want to stay and have Draco drag out things she didn't want to talk about? No, she didn't want to do either. She wanted to disappear. She ignored boy boys and stuffed her books in her bag quickly, making a last minute decision.

Before either one could react she ran out from room. It was definitely not her proudest moment, running from her problems. She didn't know why she was running, they both cared about her, they both wanted to help her. Granted Harry didn't know what he was to be helping with, but he knew something was going on.

_If he doesn't then he does now_, she admitted to herself.

"Hermione, wait up!" She heard Harry calling out for her in the hallway. She kept running, pushing past students and running through ghosts. She vaguely heard Peeves chanting something about being lucky to be pursued by the 'Potty-who-lived'. She ignored it all. She just wanted to get away, stares and glares from students and ghosts be damned.

She ran out the main doors, out into the crisp air and immediately wished she'd brought a jacket. The temperature had dropped immensely in the last week. Just her luck, she had no wand to put a warming charm around herself. Her skin prickled at the chill and her breath puffed out in clouds with each breath.

She hated being cold. It reminded her of that night. It had been cold then too. Tears formed in her eyes as she ran. Hermione ran until she reached the edge of the lake. She sat down and just stared out at the water, letting the cold seep into her bones and tears slowly slide down her cheek. At least she could feel them.

"Granger!" Draco's voice called out from a ways up the hill. How he and Harry had switched places she didn't know. She hung her head. _Figures one of them would have been able to follow me._ She must have used up all her luck during her first sixteen years because this seventeenth year she didn't seem to have a lick of luck left.

"Go away," she called out.

"Like hell, want to explain what that was about?" He'd almost reached her and he drew his wand. "Fuck its cold out here." He threw a warming charm around himself and then her. She relished the warmth, consciously feeling the warmth seep into her, like Draco had told her she needed to start doing. Why was he always right?

"I just needed to get out of the dungeons and away from…everything." Hermione's tears ran out and she wiped at her face, ashamed at herself for being so weak. She was always crying in front of Draco, it needed to stop.

"Then tell me that, I didn't know what the hell happened-" Draco started but was interrupted.

"Hermione!" Harry called out from about the same place Draco had spotted her. Harry raced down the hill, drawing his wand but instead of casting a harmless warming charm he trained his wand on Draco and didn't stop advancing until his wand was up under Draco's chin.

"What did you do to her, Malfoy?" Harry snarled, pressing his wand into Draco's neck more. Hermione's heart raced at the sight of Harry's wand so dangerously close to Draco's throat.

"Harry! Stop, he didn't do anything!" Hermione pleaded, standing up and grabbed his arm. How did this all get so fucked up so quickly? She just wanted a moment to herself!

"Potter, for once I have to agree with Granger, I didn't do anything," Draco explained with as little drawl and malice as he could. Hermione just hoped Draco held his temper and didn't start goading Harry on.

Harry, however, wasn't buying it and pressed harder into Draco's neck. "I suppose it is just normal for perfectly sane girls to go running out of the potions room after you whisper something at her. I'll ask again, Malfoy, what did you do or say to upset her." That was when she realized how it must have looked to Harry. Draco whispering at her and then she'd run away, now with tears in her eyes.

"Harry stop," she pulled at his arm but it didn't budge. "He didn't do anything, he didn't say anything. I just needed to get away!" Tears were threatening to spill over again and she was lost as to what to do. Harry wanted Draco's head on a platter but Draco was the only one that made her feel safe. How was she to explain without Harry thinking she'd lost her mind?

"Why? Why have you been so distant from us, Hermione? We haven't seen you in a week and I've seen this bloody wanker walking towards your dorm and I swear I heard someone breathing by your door yesterday. Are you alright? He's not threatening you is he? You can tell me, Hermione, I'll take care of it. Please, just talk to me." Harry pleaded. He backed off Draco's neck, giving in to the pressure on his arm, but still held his wand poised and ready to strike if Draco so much as breathed wrong.

"Granger, can you please just tell this wanker what is going on. I'd very much like to get out of the cold and that charm I put on us won't last very long." Harry started and looked between the two of them.

"Why is he putting warming charms on you? You have a wand you can do that yourself. Did he take your wand?" Harry was back to drilling his wand into Draco's neck and Hermione could see Draco's patience wearing thin. She pulled at Harry's arm once again but he was busy staring daggers into Draco's soul.

Hermione didn't want to tell Harry, what would he think of her if she did? But she knew Harry wasn't going to let this go, she could see it in his eyes. She needed to tell him, he was her best friend, and he hopefully wouldn't think to low of her. He might not understand why she was so pulled toward Draco but…she needed to give him some reason why she was being so crazy this last week. Draco seemed to have the same thought pattern.

"Hermione, he's your best friend…just tell him so he'll get his wand out of my jugular. You did nothing wrong, he won't blame you for what happened, you know that." Draco's voice had grown soft. Hermione's tears broke free of the temporary dam when she saw he support in his silver, blue-flecked eyes. She saw understanding and encouragement, everything she didn't know she needed.

"What aren't you telling me, Hermione? Where is your wand and why is this tosser out here with you, when you should be inside with your friends? Talk to me, Hermione." Tears slid down her face and she swiped at them furiously. She didn't want to seem weaker than she already felt. Harry would understand but how could she admit how she'd failed herself to someone who thought the highest of her? He'd be devastated at the revelation that Hermione Granger was a pathetic excuse for a witch. She fell to the ground and covered her face in her hands.

"Hermione, look at me." Draco pleaded and tried to move towards her but was stopped when Harry stepped between her and him. That was when Draco lost his patience.

"Get that wand out of my face you fucking arse. I'm on your bloody side right now." Draco snapped and glowered at Harry. Hermione heard the warning in Draco's voice. He was trying to keep it together but Harry was making it so hard. It was her fault they were about to come to blows. Everything was her fault right now.

"Why should I? For all I know you're the one who made her like this! And since when do you call her, Hermione?" Harry fired back.

"Recently and if you don't back the fuck off she's _going to shut down_ and then neither of us will be able to help her, fuck-tard. Just shove off for half a bloody minute." Draco stepped around Harry, who seemed to be a little startled at the first name basis they were on now, and knelt next to Hermione. She could feel his body heat next to her and his hands went to her own, pulling them down into her lap and displaying her tear streaked face.

"Look at me, Hermione." She did and she couldn't help but revel in that overwhelming 'safe' feeling again. She should have felt that when Harry came around but no, it was Draco bloody Malfoy she felt it with. Somewhere inside her she was glad it was him.

"Hermione, you need to tell him what happened. As much as I hate to admit it, it will be good for you to tell him, to get another view on what could have happened. Who better than the Boy Who Lived? He may be a prat and I may dislike him to the ends of the earth, but he's still the closest thing you have to family here right now. I can leave…if you…if you want." At the last part he lost some of his conviction and faltered. Did she want him to go?

_No_, her body screamed at her. What he said made sense, she could do this, and she needed to do this. It was Harry, he wasn't going to run off and leave her because she couldn't protect herself. He may…think less of her but he was too loyal and noble to leave her in the dust.

"Stay," she whispered. Hermione may have convinced herself she could do this, but she knew she needed Draco. He was her rock.

"Why does he need to stay?" Harry shot at her, glaring at Draco the entire time.

"Because she bloody well wants me to, get over it." Draco stood up and advanced on Harry, this time his own wand drawn and trained at Harry's neck. Again Hermione's heart raced and she prayed that they wouldn't start throwing hexes.

"I swear on all my ancestors if you say one thing to unravel the work I've put into getting her back to half her old self, I will hex your bollocks off and toss them to the Giant Squid to play with, got it? Don't you dare fucking hurt her, Potter."

Hermione looked between the two boys and her heart ached and swelled at what Draco was verbally saying and what he was silently implying. He was going to be there for her even after she told Harry. He was going to be there period. It was then she realized just how invested in this Draco was. He kept surprising her and it was a blessed surprise every time.

"As if I would do that, Malfoy. Shove off and let me talk to her then."

"I'm staying right here and don't bother arguing, Potter, it won't do you any good." Draco lowered his wand and crossed his arms.

Hermione's heart swelled more and she smiled at the blonde before turning her tear streaked face to her best friend. She figured it would be best to just answer questions rather than relive it from moment to moment. She took a big breath and with an encouraging smile from Draco, who'd now dropped down next to her on the grass, began her story.

"Draco doesn't have my wand, Harry. It's…it's in the forbidden forest," she started.

"Why is it there? Why were you in the forest?" Harry's own arms were crossed but some of his anger was leaving his features.

"I wasn't in the forest. It was sent there by the person who attacked me last Saturday." Hermione waited for Harry to respond to her admission, she waited for the questions. The scary but blessed questions that she could dutifully answer without getting lost in the emotions again.

"What do you mean attacked? Who was it? If it was you, Malfoy-" Harry started advancing again but was stopped by Hermione's hand held up in a 'wait a minute' fashion.

"Draco is the one who found me after…" she faltered. How could she say it out loud? It made it too real giving what happened to her a definitive name. She looked at Draco for support and he just nodded in encouragement. He wasn't going to let her cheat on this one.

"You can say it, Hermione. You're stronger than a simple word." He placed his hand on her knee and squeezed gently and then the contact was gone again.

"Hermione, just tell me what happened. Please." Harry hardly ever begged and it pulled at Hermione's heartstrings to be dragging out his worry. She needed to just get this over with. It was so hard though. She hated this, telling someone about her weakest moment. Telling someone she wasn't worthy of magic…that was a lot to deal with and she hadn't even dealt with a sliver of it yet.

"Potter, please, shut up and let her do this in her own time. For the love of Merlin think of someone else besides yourself for once," Draco snapped.

"Draco…" Hermione warned and he had the decency to look away though she thought she heard a muttered insult about Harry's intelligence. She held back a smile.

"Sorry, Hermione. Go on…when you're ready." Harry actually sounded properly chastised and truly sorry for interrupting. She took another moment to recollect her thoughts.

"He…he attacked me from behind, I never saw him. Be banished my wand and…he did things to me. Awful, horrible things that I don't think I'm ready to repeat yet."

"Say it, Hermione," Draco interrupted. No, no she didn't want to say it. She wasn't ready, she wasn't ready for it to be named; she wasn't ready to be a statistic. She wasn't ready for any of it that comes with giving something like that a name.

"No, I can't…Draco, please don't make me…"

"It's time, Granger, to start dealing. Say it." His voice was stronger; set in his determination to get her to do what she didn't think was possible. He wasn't mean about it, but she could tell there was no room for arguing.

"She doesn't want to say it, Malfoy, leave her alone." Harry came to her defense and she could have hugged him right then…if she wasn't so terrified of anyone touching her that is. She'd been surprised at how easy it had been to touch Harry's arm when she'd been afraid for Draco.

"Shove off, Potter. She needs to do it," Draco snapped.

"No, you shove off, Malfoy. She doesn't have to do it at all let alone with _you_ here," Harry shot back.

"She doesn't have to do it with _you_ here either, but she does have to do it period, so shut the fuck up and let me deal with her."

"She's not someone to control, Malfoy. If she doesn't want to talk then I won't make her." Harry crossed his arms. Draco stood and she immediately missed his closeness. Draco glared razor blades at Harry.

"You have no idea what she's been through this last week, Potter, so don't go thinking you know what's best for her right now. You weren't there, you don't know what happened, and you should thank your lucky fucking stars you didn't see it because it was horrible seeing her like that!"

"Then why don't you fucking tell me what happened since she clearly isn't ready to!" Harry shouted, tossing his hands in the air.

Hermione wanted to scream. She wanted to tell Draco to just tell Harry what had happened, but she didn't want to risk his safety either. Telling all of her horrors terrified her.

"It's not my story to tell, it's hers and she _needs_ to tell it. Stupidly I thought you would be the right person for her to confide in. Clearly I was mistaken, a slip I won't make again. Fuck off, Potter, we don't need you." Draco was so close to Harry their noses almost touched and Hermione couldn't handle it anymore. The only two people who could help her were literally about to kill each other and it was her fault.

Why couldn't she just tell Harry what happened? It was just one word, one sentence. She could do this. She stood and touched both men on the shoulder, gaining their attention and also their angry scowls that they had yet to clear from their face. She retreated back, stumbling and loosing her balance. Two strong hands shot out and caught her before she fell down the remaining grass and into the lake.

When she was righted again and she had her wits about her she smoothed out her shirt and once again felt the cold wind whip past her. She shivered and rubbed her arms. Both men reached for their wands and cast a warming charm at her. Draco's hit first but Harry's took the extra edge off. She was grateful for the both of them, even if she was still shaking from fear of merely talking to them.

The two men looked at each other and then back to Hermione. She couldn't help but notice how exact opposites they were. One with raven hair and one with platinum. One tall and one, not exactly short but average. But they were the same too. They both had scars they weren't proud of; they both had her best interest at heart. She resigned herself to saying what she most dreaded. She resigned herself to admitting that what happened to her had a name, as awful as it was.

"Draco…Harry…" Where to start?

"Sit, Granger. You always do better when sitting." Harry shot Draco a questioning glare, probably wondering just how much time her and Draco had spent together. Nevertheless, she sat like she was told.

"Harry…last Saturday I went out late on rounds. I was outside, alone, when I was attacked." She closed her eyes and breathed through the threat of rising bile that itched at the base of her throat. "He attacked me from behind and banished my wand. It's somewhere in the forest. He…gods this is hard. He r-r-raped me, Harry. He took everything from me…and…and I didn't do anything to stop him. M-my m-m-magic failed me and…" she started to break down. Sobs started to wrack her body.

She was raped. Gods, that is just such an awful thing to admit to yourself.

"H-he tortured me, called me a-a m-mudblood and that I deserved what I got." This was more detailed than what she'd told Draco. He knew the highlights, but never had she been able to tell it like this.

Harry looked shell-shocked. He was gripping his wand so hard she though he might break it. She was almost sure she saw steam coming from his ears and his neck turned red. Draco wasn't fairing much better. He too was gripping his wand but it wasn't brand new news to him so he wasn't as angry.

"He cut me and rubbed mud into my skin-"

"Why didn't you call out for help?" Harry asked. She knew it was an innocent question but it stung that he thought she hadn't.

"He silenced me before I could."

"She screamed, once. That's how I knew something was up. I heard her scream but…I didn't get there in time to stop him," Draco admitted with his head hung low, like it was his fault he didn't stop what was happening to her.

"So, let me get this straight. You were out doing a patrol late and you were what? Wandering around sleepwalking? Why were you outside? How do you know it wasn't him all along, Hermione?" Harry accused.

"It wasn't Draco, Harry. I heard the guy's voice. If there is one voice on this earth that I can say was not that guy would be Draco's voice. How many times had he called me mudblood before? No, this sounded nothing like him." Hermione looked at Draco and he was a mixture of emotions behind the steely grey eyes. He looked happy that she'd known it wasn't him, he looked upset and _why_ she'd known it wasn't him.

"I'm sorry, Draco. I know that's awful to think but…it helped knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you weren't the person who did this."

"Why didn't you come to us, Hermione? Why didn't you come to Ron or me? Why this prat? You know we would never have done that to you," Harry asked sounding hurt and confused.

"Because…he found me, he saved me. Harry there's more to this story but I just can't. Not right now, I'm sorry. Draco can tell you whatever he wants to tell you but right now, I think I want to go to sleep." She stood to leave.

She felt exhausted, drained, and cold inside even with the warming charm. It was all too much in one day. She just wanted to curl in a ball in front of the fire and go to sleep for days. Her body felt twice its normal weight and her bag felt like a ton of bricks. Without a lightening charm she felt the full weight of all the books she carried.

She turned to Draco who seemed to understand her need to sleep off the morning. "I'll be there in a bit," he said quietly. It sounded so normal to her now, the idea of him coming back to her. She took comfort in the normal. Harry didn't seem to think this was normal and said so rather loudly.

"Like hell you will. _I_ will go, as _I_ am her best friend and _you_ are the prat who tore her apart for a good majority of her life. Go back to your Slytherins, Malfoy, she doesn't need you anymore."

The idea of Draco no longer being around horrified and angered Hermione to the point she dropped her bag and marched back to Harry and pointed her finger in his face. Fury was obvious in her eyes and her finger was a mere centimeter from his face, making him go cross eyed for a moment.

"No, you listen here, Harry Potter. I _want_ Draco there. I feel safe with him, don't ask me why but I do. Don't you dare make him go away! If you don't like it then you can go away. I love you like a brother Harry but I can't help but feel better when he's around. I don't know how else to explain without getting myself worked up again. Don't make me choose, Harry because at this moment, I'm not sure if you'd win."

She turned to Draco. He'd had a self-satisfied smirk on his face that dropped when her finger pointed at him.

"And you… don't let that go to your head. I need you right now, but I love Harry like a brother and in the long run, he will win. I need you _both_ right now. I didn't realize how much until now. There's a lot I haven't told either of you. Draco, if you can stand to be alone with Harry without killing him, please tell him what happened. I absolutely cannot do this conversation anymore. I'm going to bed."

With that she turned and walked away, lugging her backpack the entire way to her dorm. Exhausted didn't even begin to cover how she felt right now. A dreamless sleep potion was not even needed this time when she laid down on the couch and fell asleep within seconds.

**-DM-**

Draco desperately wanted to follow Hermione back to her room. He reasoned that he only wanted to make sure she was okay but there was something else niggling at the back of his mind that maybe it was just that he wanted to be around her.

No, that was preposterous. He did not, nor ever would, fancy Hermione bloody Granger. Nope. Not going to happen…

Right?

"Malfoy, would you kindly tell me what the fuck is going on?" Potter interrupted his thoughts. He'd nearly forgotten ol' scar-head was still there.

_Oh, Potter, you are a nitwit aren't you?_ He wanted to say. Didn't, but really, really wanted to. He sighed.

"She wasn't lying, Potter. Some arsehole raped and tortured her last Saturday. I found her barely alive. She didn't want anyone to know about it so I took care of her as best I could. Look, can we talk about this somewhere less cold and more…private?" Potter raised an eyebrow but then nodded in agreement.

"I should really wait for Ron, you know…"

"Do you really think that wise? Bringing hot-head Weasley into this? Besides the fact that Hermione has made it clear that she didn't want anyone to know and she's probably filling her head full of ideas about out you will hate her after you know everything." Draco stated with near boredom. Potter really was thick.

"Right, then… I have to go check in on Ron. I'll meet you at the Room of Requirement, half hour, don't be late, Malfoy. Some of us have a life and friends to get back to." With that Potter set off back into the castle.

Draco took his time making his way up to the seventh floor. Potter could fuck a blast-ended skrewt for all he cared about his time limit. What exactly was he going to tell him? Hermione hadn't said _not_ to tell him anything in particular but she hadn't exactly told him _what to_ tell him.

He was proud of Hermione. She was finally working towards getting back to her old self. If he could make it through the next however-long-meeting with Potter he could possibly have some definitive help in getting her through this and back to being the strong willed, annoying and, he had to admit now, attractive bookworm Hermione Granger.

She was attractive, when she wasn't crying or screaming…and sometimes even then. Didn't mean he fancied her. It didn't mean that they'd end up first page news in the Daily Prophet. It just meant he was a normal seventeen year old male who'd been cooped up with a seventeen year old female for far too long.

That was all.

He'd been so soft with her, in front of Potter no less. She'd responded to him and she felt good next to him. Something in his chest had twisted when she'd come to his defense and stuck it to Potter. The urge to bring her into his arms was getting harder to ignore.

No, it was simply pity and sympathy. There was nothing between them, no matter what anyone else said. And that was that, he decided.

The trip to the seventh floor didn't take as long as he'd hoped it would. Potter was leaning against the wall looking impatient and irritated but he'd shown up none the less. Evidently Gryffindor loyalty to Hermione trumped personal hate of 'Slimy Slytherin'.

"You choose," Potter said tapping his wand against his leg.

Before performing the necessary pacing Draco took a moment to think about what he was about to do. He, Draco Malfoy, was about to air out all of Hermione Granger's dirty laundry from the last week, with only somewhat solid permission, to her best friend who thankfully wasn't the fiery-hot-headed one, but unfortunately the more skilled magically of the two. And he was going to do this alone. In a room where no one would be able to find him if Potter so wished.

What could go wrong?

_Could be worse, could be both of them,_ he reasoned. _Let's just get this over with..._ he began pacing._ I need a place to talk to Harry Potter in comfort and privacy. I don't need house rivalry right now so keep the house colors to a minimum, _he told the room. Draco paced the required amount of times and the door materialized. He hesitated for only a millisecond before swinging the door open and allowing it to close on its own after Potter followed him in.

The room had transformed itself with a small sitting area in tans and browns with a fireplace flickering close by. There was a strange contraption next to the far wall that Draco had never seen before. He looked over at Potter to see if he knew what it was. All he could see on the raven haired boy's face was acceptance of the room and an odd, satisfied glance at the thing over in the corner.

_Best get a move on_, Draco thought to himself. He strolled over to the fireplace and sat down on one of the plush chocolate brown chairs. He so very badly wanted to just leave and go find Hermione but he suppressed the urge.

Potter followed suit, claiming instead the soft beige sofa. Draco noted that Potter still had his wand in hand, though thankfully not pointed at any of Draco's parts that were life sustaining in function.

"Alright, Malfoy. Let's hear it, and I want it all, don't leave anything out. Hermione is my best friend and I want to know what happened to her so _I_ can help her, and _you_ can slither back to your snake hole and leave her the hell alone." Potter snapped.

_We're off to a great start_…Draco complained in his head.

"Look, Potter…after what happened to Hermione and everything after…I'm not going away, alright? You don't have to like it but until _she_ tells me to go away, you and your opinions can fuck off. It's been two years since we called a truce, lets not muck it up now. You know I'm not like my father and even though you're still the sickening Boy-Who-Lived, Golden Child of Gryffindor and what-not, you're not as stupid as I once thought you were so…let's just keep this civil."

He and Potter had done a brief heart to heart on the train home after fifth year. Potter had given him his sympathies about Draco's father and Draco had actually apologized for being such an arse to him throughout the last five years. They'd called a truce and now usually bickered in good fun. It was exhausting trying to tear each other apart and Draco was actually becoming quite fond of riling him up in good spirits instead of cold hearted bashing that he'd done for so many years.

Potter actually physically relaxed, though his wand still sat solid in his hand and his knuckles were nearing white. "Alright then, start talking, Malfoy."

Draco sighed and thought about everything that had happened in the last week. Where to start? What exactly did Hermione not want him to know? Well if there was something she should have told him. Right?

So he just started talking. He told Potter about hearing her scream, checking the grounds, being knocked out. Though he was reluctant to tell him that part but it seemed to have gotten the point across that Draco _wasn't_ the one who'd raped her. Draco told Potter about finding her and healing the many cuts on her body. He told him about Hermione pleading with Draco to not to take her to the Hospital Wing, to which Potter had argued that Draco should have done it anyway, and he couldn't have agreed with him more. Draco told him about all of the crying, the shower incident, the nightmares, locking everyone but him out of her rooms, her sending him away the next night…but that was where he stopped.

How do you tell someone their best friend tried to kill herself? How do you look someone in the eye and say she'd almost died and didn't want you to know? Potter seemed irritated that Draco had stopped talking. He really was taking it all well if Draco had any say about it. Draco thought Potter would have been pacing by now, throwing things, hexing him or something. He just sat there though, his brows furrowed and his scar, faded as it was, pulled down below the hair line.

It was then that Draco actually felt a small ounce of pity for the person who did this to Hermione. They had knowingly hurt the best friend of the Boy-Who-Lived, the bloody _savior_ of the wizarding world, the teenager who'd defeated the most powerful dark lord the world had ever known. The bloody idiot had no idea what was coming to him once Potter got a hold of him. Draco smirked; he hoped he would be the one to hold the shit-head down.

"What?" Potter asked suddenly, pulling Draco out of his euphoria of a day dream, where he was slowly pulling the guy apart joint by joint and watching him scream.

"Nothing, just imagining tearing the piece of shit who did this apart, then holding him down while you have a go…you know…revenge type things." Draco explained, waving him off with his hand.

"Right, as enjoyable as that sounds, is there more? I'd really like there to not be more. Please tell me this nightmare of a story is over." Potter's eyes were pleading with Draco and it almost hurt to tell him there was more.

"Sorry, Potter but…there's a lot more actually." Potter tossed his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes. To Draco he looked like he was sleeping, but he knew that the raven haired boy was steeling himself for more.

"I came back the next night after dealing with Head Duty shit, and she tossed me out. She said she didn't need me, said some of the same things you said to me earlier. I got pissed and left. I blew off some steam and realized I should go and check on her whether she liked it or not. When I got back to the room…look, you're not going to like this so just…keep it together alright?" Draco eyed Potter's wand and made a note on where his own was and how quickly he could get to it if he needed it.

"Go on, Malfoy." Draco stood up and started pacing. All of this was new to him; he didn't share things with other people. Blaise was one thing…he was his confidant, his best friend. This was Potter, not exactly someone he'd like to share life secrets with. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to suppress the image of her cold and lifeless in the water that had suddenly rooted itself in front of his retinas.

"She was…fuck; she was in the bathtub with a shrunken rock on her chest. She was basically…she tried to off herself. She was cold and lifeless and I pulled her out as fast as I could. I thought she was dead." He fumbled his words and they came out less than perfect but they seemed to have been clear enough for Potter because he'd gone pale and sickly looking. Anger and fear traded places in his eyes frequently and Draco was impressed that Potter's wand hadn't snapped in his grip.

"Pull!" Potter shouted and Draco was pretty certain at that moment he'd broken the boy's fragile mind. _Pull what?_ He thought confused.

He remained confused for another second and then the contraption at the end of the room popped and a flying disk flew over their heads, to which Potter exploded with his wand. Draco ungracefully ducked and covered his head, unsure what exactly was going on. He found that his wand was reflexively in his hand and ready for use. The Gryffindor kept yelling out 'Pull' and then exploding the circular disks and when Draco heard no more shouting or exploding he chanced a look at Potter.

Potter was pacing now, wand in hand and the Gryffindor was muttering under his breath unintelligible words but at least he wasn't exploding things anymore. Draco stood back up and righted his clothes, becoming once again a calm, presentable Malfoy.

"What in the bloody fuck was that, Potter?" Draco asked.

"It's a muggle target practice machine. I saw my uncle with one once when he took my cousin out to learn to shoot."

"Shoot what? Plates? Are they really that dangerous to muggles?" Potter paused and then began to laugh. Draco frowned. What was so funny? It seemed ridiculous to him to shoot ceramic plates. And shoot with what? They didn't have wands.

"The plates aren't dangerous to muggles. They just use them as target dummies for their long range guns…you know what? Never mind, ask Hermione someday. I'm sure she'd love to give you a ten hour lecture on guns and targets and safety rules."

Bringing up Hermione seemed to sober them both up and the tension in the room intensified to near suffocation. Potter's eyes turned back to sadness and Draco had to look away because he knew exactly how Potter felt. Helpless, angry, sad…all those emotions at once in one small body was hard to balance out. Draco decided to forge on through and get it all out.

"So anyway, I uh… got her breathing again…had to do it the muggle way that Pomfrey showed us. She coughed up what seemed like gallons of water after that. And yes, I did take her to the hospital wing that time. She didn't get a choice, though she was right pissed at me when she was feeling better."

"Did you tell Pomfrey what happened then?" Harry asked.

"No, I told them she fell into the tub in the head bathroom and I found her there. They bought that but there was another part that Granger added. I guess Pomfrey found some damage _down there _that I hadn't been comfortable healing and…I am so glad Weasley is not here for this," Draco started, remembering the story she'd given to the Headmaster and Medi-Witch. Potter raised and eyebrow and his scar disappeared under his unruly hair. "She told Pomfrey that her and I were secretly a couple and…bloody fuck I'm going to murder her for this." Potter glowered at him and Draco could hear the warning bells going off that Potter was NOT going to like the next part. Draco didn't even like the next part.

"She told her that we were a secret couple who liked to play rough in bed. Not my idea, not the truth and it would never happen! I treat women better than that." He added the last part to stave off the hex that was on the tip of Potter's tongue.

"Pull!" Another plate flew across the room and exploded at Potters well placed _reducto_.

"That's what I did to that stupid rock," Draco added, remembering when he went back to put her room right.

"What rock?" Potter seemed confused and Draco realized the other boy probably hadn't been paying attention to what had held Hermione down; just hearing the rest of it was enough to process.

"The shrunken rock on her chest in the tub, the one that had held her down. I reducto'd it several times…I think I need one of those machines, it looks therapeutic."

"It is. So, what happened next? Did they believe her?"

"I don't think so, but they didn't press either. Pomfrey healed her but she has to do this ridiculous treatment for another couple days to heal her lungs from the water damage. It makes her stop breathing and she freaks out but it's getting easier. I think once she gets a wand she will feel more herself.

"She keeps beating herself up over how she wasn't able to protect herself and she can't understand why her magic failed her. But you know what I'm thinking? I think it did. It didn't stop what happened to her but…Merlin, she was cut in so many places, she should have bled out but she'd nearly stopped bleeding by the time I got to her. I think her magic slowed the bleeding. I don't even know if that's possible but it's not like I can go and ask Pomfrey if that's possible without seeming like a lunatic or a serial killer now can I?"

Draco had been working on the theory for a while, during classes and while they did her treatments. It was the only thing that made sense. She should have died twice this week. He'd been there the second time but she should have died of blood loss on the first.

Once again the question of 'why him' entered his head. They had hated each other once upon a time and now he'd been her savior not once but twice. How was he to deal with that knowledge? Add that to what Blaise had said, what was the sum of it all?

"I don't know if it's possible," Potter interrupted his thoughts. "But I do know that you aren't the only one who cares about her."

"I don't-" Draco started but was silenced by Potter's raised eyebrow and smirk on the edge of his lips.

"Yes, you do. As much as I hate to see and acknowledge it, you do. And she needs you. Gods only know why but…she does. I don't like you, but I think I can tolerate you for her sake. You're right; you're not your father. Now, Ron, well there's a lot of history between your two's families. I don't know why you hate each other but I'll do my best to keep him in line. He won't be happy, not at all, but I think he'll come around once he gets over the fact that _you_ are the one who's helped her this far." Potter sighed and began pacing again. He pinched his nose and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "Look, Malfoy, I can't leave her to deal with this on her own. I have to help her, she's like my sister. Just…I can't believe I'm saying this…tell me what I can do to help her."

Draco was silent for a while. What exactly could Potter do? Draco didn't even know what to do himself! He was glad he wasn't going to have to fight Potter on everything, but he wasn't prepared to start giving out directions either.

"I wish I knew Potter. I'm just taking it moment by moment. I should let you know though, that Blaise knows about Hermione and you should also know that this fucker has raped another girl. A seventh year Ravenclaw…Ami-something. The Headmaster and Pomfrey know what happened to her and it's only a matter of time before they figure out Hermione was the first."

"Right, so I guess the question is, how do we catch him?" Potter asked. Draco could see that Potter's role of being the savior didn't just fade away after Voldemort died. He was naturally a leader in that way.

"Not sure, Hermione doesn't remember him at all, said that he had his face covered. Like she said earlier, she hears his voice when she's alone or sleeping. She says he has an evil laugh. Maybe Amanda or whatever her name is knows something more. Whoever it is though has something against muggle-borns. He was intent on reminding Hermione of her blood and how dirty she was. He told her she wasn't deserving of magic. He told Ami-amanda-whatever the same thing. There is some deep rooted hatred for muggle-borns."

"Doesn't that mean it's a Slytherin? Your house isn't exactly known to be muggle-born supporters." Potter said quickly. Draco resisted the urge to snap at Potter for being so narrow minded. At the same time though, Draco was sad to admit that he'd already thought it could be someone from Slytherin.

"It would make sense, as much as I hate the idea of one of my housemates doing this, it wouldn't surprise me. But you're naive to think that it's only Slytherins who hate muggle-borns. I know plenty of purebloods from Ravenclaw and even one or two Hufflepuffs who believe that muggle-borns aren't worthy of magic and have dirty blood." Potter nodded and thought for a moment.

"You don't think it could be a professor do you?" Draco paused but dismissed the idea quickly.

"I hadn't thought about it, but you would think Hermione, queen of all things studious, would have recognized a professor's voice."

"True," Potter admitted and fell silent. They stayed in silence for a while, each trying to narrow down the possibilities and neither wanting to have to be even contemplating such things. They were trying to figure out which one of their _peers_ was raping unsuspecting girls.

"What is she going to do about her wand?" Potter asked suddenly.

"I have a cousin who knows a wand maker. The wand maker owes him a favor and my cousin owes me a favor. At Hogsmeade this weekend we are meeting him to look at a few wands, hopefully one of them will respond to her and she will have a new one. I just have to get her through the next couple days." Draco wasn't sure how much he should tell him but he figured that part was harmless.

"I'm going with you." There wasn't room for discussion in his statement, and Draco couldn't really blame him.

"Alright, but no interfering, Potter. I have a reputation to uphold and being argued with over trivial things will not help Hermione at all. I need my cousin to respect me as I'm head of my family, got it?"

"Yea, understood, Malfoy…I don't have to start calling you Draco do I?" Draco thought for a moment. Did he want to be friends with Harry Potter? First name basis and 'hey you want to hang out'? He had once upon a time but that had been because his father told him to befriend him.

"We're not friends, but we're not enemies. Call me whatever you want. I make no promises on what comes out in regards to you. I need to go check on Hermione. Shouldn't you be checking in on Weaslebee and Longbottom?"

"I should, yea. Tell Hermione I will be by later. There's still a lot to discuss and if you promise not to be a prick then I promise I will hold my temper when we are around Hermione. What happened earlier doesn't happen again. And no secrets, if we're working together to help her we both have to know everything that's going on. Agreed?" Pot- Harry held out his right hand.

Draco thought about it for a moment. He needed help with Hermione, he couldn't be everywhere. Weasley would be an issue but he'd cross that bridge when he got to it. Right now all he could think about was Hermione. And Hermione needed her best friends, no matter how much Draco disliked them.

"Blaise will be in on everything too, no exceptions. And Ami-whatever too. Hermione may not like the idea of them helping her but this guy has to be stopped. He's gotten away with too much already." Draco held out his own hand, waiting for Harry to decide on the terms of their agreement.

"Agreed." Harry took his hand and they shook their way into a pact that neither realized would be the start of a friendship that would last for a lifetime.

"So, Draco, want to take five more minutes and do a little target practice?" Harry asked with a smirk that even Draco was a little envious of.

Draco returned the smirk, pulled his wand and shouted, "Pull!"

**A/N: **Wow, okay so longest chapter yet. How did you like the arguments and truces and everything? Are we happy Harry is on board? Poor Ron, but I promise he will recover. Also, please excuse the lack of Potion's knowledge. Since it was never said exactly how to brew the Hiccoughing Solution I just looked up bouncy ingredients and put them all together! It worked, sort of. I admittedly am no Potions Master so don't shoot the imagination! Lol.

So what did you think? Read/Review! Pretty please with Dramione goodness on top?


	12. How Many Degrees Off Normal Are We Now?

**Chapter 12: How Many Degrees Off Normal Are We Now?**

**Warnings: Language…uh yeah, that's about it this time. Oh and some yummy Dramione goodness Mmhmm.**

**A/N: **Thank you all for the lovely reviews! I love you all so much and can't wait to see how you feel about this chapter. Sorry this took a few weeks, Birthdays, Family Reunions, getting punched in the face (twice) for protecting my daughter against a drunken relative. Yea it's been a fun month already. But here it is! I hope you enjoy it!

Also, in the previous chapter when I said Ancient Ruins, I must have been half asleep. I meant to write Arithmancy. Hermione has Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures on Wednesday. Glad we're straight there :D

**A/N 2: I'd like to remind everyone that this is a story about rape/suicide attempts/self abuse and the aftermath of it all. If it isn't your cup of tea, don't drink it. If it is, enjoy it to the last drop! Though I'm sure you've all figured that part out :D Love you all!**

**-HP-**

Harry Potter wandered to the hospital wing after his meeting with Malfoy. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about everything that had just been tossed in his lap. Shocked, that was an understatement. Enraged, hurt, worried, confused, the list went on. Numb was a good all encompassing word. Yea, numb would work.

How exactly was a guy supposed to feel? His best friend had been tortured and raped, and then she'd tried to kill herself. Hermione hadn't wanted him or Ron to know for reasons that were still beyond his comprehension. His one time sneaky Slytherin bastard of an enemy had been the one taking care of her for nearly five days without anyone else knowing. There was _another_ girl who'd been tortured and raped as well and she was now paired with a different Slytherin. And he'd just spent twenty minutes having _fun_ skeet shooting with _Draco Malfoy_!

It hadn't been so bad, being in the same room as Malfoy, conversing with him, without wanting to blast away important life sustaining body parts. He wasn't too bad of a guy when you took him away from his Slytherin cronies and gave him a target to shoot at. Baby steps, but a small part of him could see a friendship in the future if things continued to stay pleasant.

Speaking of the future, it was almost too much to accept the knowledge that Malfoy genuinely cared about Hermione. But it was plain as day in Draco's eyes when he talked about Hermione. It was present in how he reacted to her, how he'd gently pushed her to do things she didn't want to do because she _needed _to do it. It was blatantly apparent when Draco had threatened Harry if he were ever to hurt her. As if Harry ever would hurt Hermione on purpose. Sure he'd inadvertently hurt her in the past but never to be malicious.

It had been almost comical that Malfoy had denied caring for her, though. It made Harry laugh inside that the blonde could be so ignorant to his own feelings when, to everyone else who bothered to look, it was a blinding white beacon of 'I-CARE-ABOUT-HERMIONE-GRANGER-WHATS-IT-TO-YOU?' It was perplexing at the very least and something he would need to keep a close eye on. Draco may have warned Harry about hurting Hermione, but Harry would warn Draco that if he hurt her in any way that Harry would have no regrets about Avada-ing his pale arse. First thing to happen though was the Slytherin had to get his head out of the dirt and act on his feelings.

_No rush,_ Harry thought.

And speaking of feelings, how was he going to deal with Ron in all of this? Ron would definitely be hurt when finally brought up to speed, understandably. The three of them had been through everything together and now Ron was the last to know, third to Malfoy of all people. It would hurt no doubts about it.

Plus there was the river full of bad blood between the Weasleys and the Malfoys of which Harry himself didn't know, nor wanted really, to understand. Years of bad history had created very large canyon of unresolved tension and ill will between the two families and at the bottom of that canyon was the rapidly flowing river of hostility and hate. It was a deep seated hatred that only the gods themselves knew how deep and how long it ran.

Harry reached the Hospital Wing and took another moment to gather his thoughts and put on a good face. Telling Ron about Hermione now would be one of the worst ideas Harry had ever had, of that he was certain. It was better to tell Ron when he couldn't harm himself, or others, by reacting…well however he decided to react. Truth-be-told Harry wasn't entirely sure how Ron would respond to Hermione's story.

There were two options.

Either Ron would become irately mad and go off hunting for the blood of whoever did it and incidentally making a complete arse out of himself only to come back looking sheepish and then get down to a real plan to find who'd done it. Or he would not believe her at all for the simple reason that Draco Malfoy was involved and anything Malfoy was involved in was always a twisted ball of lies that couldn't be believed. Plus he'd think Malfoy had done it himself and was making a cover story.

Harry secretly hoped Ron would choose to make a fool out of himself by trying to protect Hermione and not hurt her by not believing her and accusing the only person Hermione trusted at the moment. Anyone with a half functioning eye could see that there was no way Hermione could make up such a story. He just hoped Ron still had a half functioning eye after all the bad blood between him and the Malfoys. Plus there were all the detentions with Filch he'd had because of Draco and his friends over the years.

_Oh this was not going to go well. _Harry all but groaned aloud and opened the doors, putting on his best sympathetic friend face.

"Harry! Thank Merlin, I'm bored out of my bloody mind! Did you bring any food? I'm starved!" Ron exclaimed while tossing his swollen arms and hands in the air, causing his bandage to come loose when Harry came around the curtain.

"Would you keep your voice down you loud mouth oaf! If you hadn't blown up the potion you would have gotten lunch you complete and utter git!" Parkinson snapped from the other side of the room.

"Keep to your own business, Parkinson. No one asked you to be here anyway," Ron shot back, seeming to forget that he was the reason she was here in the first place.

"Five points from Slytherin and Gryffindor, I will not tolerate name calling in my wing. Mr. Weasley keep your voice down, this is a hospital wing for goodness sake. You're damaging your bandages, keep still! And Miss Parkinson, you're healed enough to go now. Put that salve on twice a day like I showed you for another two days and you'll be right as rain. Off you go, I won't have you two killing each other on my watch." Madam Pomfrey bustled about Ron, changing the dressing on his arm that now looked like a poorly wrapped mummy rather than a new clean dressing.

"Mr. Potter, you friend will need to stay here for the evening, you can come see him in the morning. That Bouncing Spider Juice got on certain…areas…that need to be monitored. Off you go now."

Having said nothing the entire time he was in the hospital wing Harry gave Ron another sympathetic look and turn to leave the Hospital wing. He was almost free of having to converse at all with Ron when the red head shouted out, "Can he come back after dinner for a bit?"

Harry all but hung his head in obvious defeat when Madam Pomfrey gave him permission to visit for a few minutes after dinner, to which Ron was ecstatic and Harry was…well not.

"So, I'll see you later then, I'll take notes in Divination and in Hagrid's class for you." Harry turned to leave again, this time not interrupted. He leaned against the wall once the door was shut behind him.

_Just come back and act normal_, Harry schooled himself and set off for his next class…Divination and then Care of Magical Creatures, his last class of the day and coincidently one that he shared with both Hermione and Draco.

_Normal…right. What was normal again?_

**-HG-**

Hermione did exactly as she said she would do. She'd slept the majority of their free period and halfway into lunch. It was when Draco arrived with a plate of fruit and a sandwich that she begrudgingly got off the couch and dutifully ate her meal. She'd slept so well, her body felt lighter and her mind clearer. She hadn't dreamed and she hadn't needed any potions. It had just been a beautiful deep sleep that her body had been begging for since she didn't even know when.

While she ate Draco reviewed the chapter they were on in Arithmancy. He had already eaten lunch, giving them ample time to prepare. There was to be a 'pop quiz' today that had to have been one of the worse kept secrets in the school this year thus far. She looked up from her food when he stopped talking and she felt his eyes on her.

"What?" she asked wondering if she had something on her face.

"Just…you look like you're doing well after everything earlier; does that mean you will be going to classes then?" Hermione couldn't hold back the smirk that bloomed on her face, one she'd probably passively learned from him. Truth-be-told she did feel better about going to classes. Stronger somehow even though it had only been a few hours sleep she felt like she'd slept a year.

"I don't really see any choice in the matter. I can't let my grades fall and I especially cannot allow _you_ to take over top spot in class by missing the quiz." At her words he sniffed at her but it wasn't in a condescending way as it usually would be. It was almost companionable.

Sleep must have done her mind and body some good. Either that or her talk with Harry had allowed her mind to refocus on her studies. The world didn't seem so black and white anymore. It was as if voicing what had happened to her had allowed her mind to come to a place of acceptance rather than avoidance. The nap on the couch, finally not medically induced had been a healing blessing as well.

She felt alive again.

No, she wasn't out of the woods yet, she still had a lot of healing both emotionally and physically to do. She was still terrified of whoever had raped her. She was terrified it would happen again. She was still a bit skeptical on where she stood with her magic, but for the first time in nearly five days she felt a soft, healing sense of hope. There was a pressure on her chest that had been relieved after voicing aloud to Harry that she'd been raped and after her admission he hadn't turned away from her. Harry was still her friend, he still loved her.

That night, and everything afterwards, had stopped being the ginormous elephant in the room and became simply what it was: a horrible, traumatic, life-altering experience that she _could_ rise above. Yes, it would be something she'd struggle with forever she was sure, but it wasn't something that had destroyed her, defined her as a failure, as she'd previously believed.

She had Draco to thank for helping her to see that. She had him to thank for pulling her through the tarry black mass of depression her mind had pulled her into. Draco Malfoy. Why the gods chose him to help her through this, Hermione would never know. But she was so very glad that they had. They'd had their share of fights and everyone knew about their colored past. Somehow though, it felt right to have him there, waiting to catch her if she stumbled on her path of healing.

He was sitting in her room studying for a class that they both enjoyed. He had forgotten all about the rest of the world the moment he'd found her in the hothouse. He hadn't gone and told everyone how weak she'd been, he hadn't exploited her fears or had a good laugh with his friends and her expense. No, he'd just been there for her. She owed him her life…twice. How do you begin to settle that kind of debt?

Saying thank you didn't seem to cover it all, but it was a place to start.

"Draco?" she started, leaning heavily on her Gryffindor courage.

"Hmm?" was all he responded with, not bothering to look up from his notes.

"Thank you." He looked up, confusion and worry etched his features, making him seem much older than he really was. When had she become an expert on his facial features?

"For what, exactly?"

"Everything," she said resolutely. His eyebrow raised a fraction and he closed his book but didn't set it aside. He didn't seem to know what to do with her gratitude. He ran his fingers up and down the binding of the book, lost in thought.

"You don't have to thank me, Hermione. I'm just doing what I promised," he tried to shrug it off and that irritated her. She needed him to accept her gratitude, how else could she start to repay him for all he was doing for her? Maybe he wasn't use to being thanked? Well he was going to get it ten fold from her, but she would let it go for right now.

"No, you've done more than you know. It's time for class, we should go." Draco held her gaze for a moment longer, making Hermione feel a bit like a specimen under a microscope. About the time she was going to say something about it he turned to gather his things.

Arithmancy went by without any problems, especially since there were so few in the NEWT level class. Hermione's anxiety was at a minimum as she listened to Professor Vector lecture about this number and that number and what they could predict. She was very thankful that the pop quiz they were given was on things she'd already studied weeks prior and that after everything she'd been through that week she hadn't forgotten it all.

Care of Magical Creatures went by uneventfully as well. She was a bit nervous that Hagrid would notice how nervous she was around everyone but luckily Hagrid had been so busy running around after the Nifflers that got loose that he hadn't paid Hermione much attention at all. Harry had stayed by her side through the class. He'd refused to say anything to her about how the talk went with Draco and kept all conversation to generic topics and on the study of their Niffler. Judging by the fact that the two boys- no men now- were both together and not killing each other it must have gone well.

Hermione and Draco walked towards the castle far behind the rest of the class, who were all very ready for dinner by this point. Harry had waited for her but after Hermione said she was okay with Draco he realized wasn't needed at the moment. He ran ahead and kept the group going without permitting them to look behind and see the odd sight of Head Boy and Girl walking back to the castle together without spitting nails at each other.

Hagrid, however, did notice. He made a mental note to talk to Harry about it later. Right now he had Nifflers to catch.

Hermione stopped about halfway to the school, changed directions and ducked behind an outbuilding presumably housing ground keeping tools. Draco followed without a word. It was time for dinner; in the Great Hall…was she really ready for that? Draco seemed to be on the same brain wave and leaned on the side of the building and looking at her intently.

"Do you want to go to dinner tonight?" Draco asked hesitantly, as if she would melt down in front of him just for asking. If she hadn't know exactly what he meant by asking her that she would have probably blushed at being asked to dinner by him. Sadly though he wasn't asking her to dinner, he was seeing if she was ready for an onslaught of close vicinity student body and teachers.

Was she ready for the whole school at once? _He_ would be there probably. Watching her, silently laughing at her, she was positive he would be. Would she be able to handle knowing that right then the person who raped her was looking at her and possibly only a few inches away?

"Hermione?"

Did she really need to fear him though? She would, literally, be in the company of the entire school: Professors, classmates, friends, the Headmaster himself. How could she be any safer? Wasn't that what Draco had told her the first time she'd wigged out? Draco would be there. Harry would be there. The whole school would be there. She could do this. One quick meal and she could go back to her rooms and spend the night with Draco.

_Well not spend the night…just studying…right? Right,_ she reasoned with herself.

"Granger?"

"What? I'm sorry, yes, I'll go down to the Great Hall for dinner tonight," she confirmed. He seemed hesitant at first but eventually his posture relaxed and a small smirk quirked at the edge of his mouth.

"Getting braver, Granger, getting back to your old self. I told you talking about it would help, but _nooo_ no one listens to good ol' Draco," he teased. She swatted at his arm and started to walk around the building and towards the main doors. If anyone else had been watching it would have looked like two life long friends messing about with each other.

She was just about to reach for the doorknob when he grabbed her hand. Her heart jumped and her stomach flipped and she pulled out of his grasp before she could rationalize that it was only Draco grabbing at her, not someone else. He jerked his own hand back in a surrender gesture.

"Gees, Hermione, it's only me," he said with a hint of surprise. She was surprised herself. Her mind may be doing better with processing what had happened, but evidently her nerves were still shot to hell.

"I know…I know I'm sorry. I guess I'm not ready to be grabbed like that. Maybe the Great Hall is a bad idea. No I don't think I'm ready to go…you go, I'll find something else…got to study and erm…you know," she was quickly reverting back to shy, scared, skittish Hermione.

Her heart jumped again when he gently put his finger under her chin and pulled her head up to meet his gaze. Grey against Brown, calm eyes met and settled the opposing panicking ones. She found comfort and stillness in his eyes and her own bundle of nerves began to settle.

"You'll do fine, Hermione. I will be there for you if you need to leave, alright? Pot-Harry will be there too, right next to you the whole time. You're doing brilliant today; finish it with a bang, okay?" His lips quirked into a soft smile, one she'd only ever seen directed at her and her stomach flipped for a whole different reason. A reason she really didn't have the mental capability to process at the moment.

"Okay," she managed to say without sounding too breathless. All her courage and conviction from earlier had escaped her but she could feel his support and strength almost as if it were her own.

They held their gaze for a moment longer and she thought she saw a flash of fear cross his face before he pulled away and hastily opened the door. Slightly confused and a bit lightheaded she followed him out into the hallway which was now empty save a group of first years at the other end.

"Right then, I'll be behind you as not to seem conspicuous, see you after dinner," he said quietly into her ear. He had to lean down a bit to reach as he was almost a head taller than her. He kept one eye on the first years as they turned to walk down the hallway, he a bit slower than her. She took comfort knowing he was looking out for her.

She reach the Great Hall doors and stuffed down the panic rebuilding in her gut and kept repeating 'it'll be okay' until she was nauseated by the words. Once she opened the doors her gaze went to the Professor's table. Everyone was there, including the Headmaster. Dumbledore nodded in her direction and his eye twinkled to the point that even she could see it from across the room. Next her gaze flicked around the room.

_Any one of these students could be him,_ she thought and panic pulsed. She felt a hand at her back and tensed and turned around. There was no one there.

"I disillusioned myself, Granger. Go in, I'll walk you to your seat and then leave and come back in. You're not alone. Go, you're making people stare," Draco said from behind her. She smiled at the fact that he'd been so thoughtful. Obviously he must have seen her panicking and had once again swooped in to save her.

Her eyes locked on Harry's and she started to walk towards the Gryffindor table. Harry, bless him, met her half way and escorted her to her seat. Draco gave her shoulder a squeeze before she felt him leave. It was a disconnection that she felt deep in her chest as well as on her skin.

A few moments later, after someone had walked out of the Hall he re-entered, this time visible. She could just see the top of his white blonde hair over the heads of all the other students when he sat down.

"You doing okay?" Harry whispered to her. She smiled a false half smile in response. Hermione noticed that Ron and Neville were not at the table and a quick glance at the Slytherin table confirmed that Pansy wasn't at the table either.

"I'm…alright. How are Ron and Neville doing?" Hermione decided changing the subject before her mind went back into panic mode was a brilliant idea.

"Alright. Neville is actually just late to dinner, not sure where he is, but I don't see Luna so…erm…yea. Ron got a fair amount of potion on him so Pomfrey's keeping him in the Hospital Wing until tomorrow morning. I'm going to see him after dinner." Harry stuffed his mouth with mashed potatoes and Hermione turned back to her plate, which was still empty.

She put a small slab of ham and a spoonful of potatoes with gravy on her plate and pushed it around some, her appetite was nearly none existent at the moment. Her mind was going a million kilometers a second with nothing but what-ifs flying around.

"What about Pansy?" she asked quietly but wanting to keep their conversation going so no one else tried to talk to her.

"She's alright, got released the same time I went to go see Ron. She was right raving mad at him," Harry finished with a smirk and popped a forkful of veggies into his mouth. At that Hermione looked up at Harry, an almost smile on her face.

"Well, I would be too. Ron needs to learn patience in potions. How he _ever_ got into NEWT level potions is beyond me. Between impatience and indifference to detail I'm surprised he hasn't blown up the Potions lab more than Neville yet." It felt good to be back with Harry, musing over Ron's ineptitude at homework and potions. It almost felt normal. She had just started to relax into her meal when a voice drifted out from between the cacophony of sounds filling the Great Hall.

It was the voice.

_His_ voice.

It was deep, reverberating against her ears almost painfully. She couldn't mistake it anywhere. What was said, she didn't catch. It didn't have the same venom and loathing as before but it was here, _he _was here.Panic overflowed her veins as fear strangled her heart. His voice was gone as fast as it had come, lost once more in the disharmony of the hall's sounds. She wasn't even one hundred percent sure it wasn't just a memory of his voice. Either way, she was scared and she wanted to leave.

Now.

"I…I need to go," she announced really to no one in particular but as she shot to her feet Hermione bumped the table and knocked her plate and goblet over. Others at the table complained that her pumpkin juice had gotten into their potatoes. A few expressed concern for her sudden outburst. Both sides went unnoticed as she scanned the mass of student heads around her. All she wanted was to see Draco and get the hell out of there, meal be damned.

By all the blessings in the world he was already up and heading for the doors. Her feet felt like lead in her surprise and her chest constricted painfully at the realization that he'd been watching for her, looking out for her even across the hall. What had she done to deserve this mysterious Slytherin's positive and undivided attention?

As much as her heart screamed _run_ from hearing that voice in the crowd her mind fought back with _wait, don't cause any more of a scene_. True, it would draw too much attention to go running out of the Great Hall just after Draco himself had made his own hasty exit. Then there would be rumors. Rumors she really wasn't ready to cope with, but she wanted- needed- to get away more than she wanted to keep their thing…the whatever-it-was the two of them had now, a secret. She wanted to get away and go to Draco.

It was quite a feat to accomplish processing all those thoughts in a matter of a few seconds. Surprisingly, that was exactly how much time it took for Draco to get out the doors and for Harry, bless him, to stand, make some sort of excuse for her and lead her out of the room. Hermione could tell her classmates were watching them leave with confusion in their eyes but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Once safely on the other side of the doors Harry dropped her arm, which she had barely noticed he'd grabbed. That was another step in the right direction, right? Harry steered them down the hallway and entered into the nearest empty classroom. The door hadn't even shut before Draco was at her side and Harry, who was placing a silencing charm around the room, became an afterthought in her mind. Hermione was just glad Draco was there and, whomever that voice belonged to, wasn't.

"What happened, Hermione? Are you alright?" Draco asked, concern lacing his words and causing an unattractive crease between his eyebrows. It was all she could do not to try to rub out the offending unappealing line. She liked him much better without it, she decided.

"I'm…I…" Her voice was shattered and she felt Harry place a hand on her shoulder for comfort. Amazing how less than twelve hours ago she was fearful of him and now that he knew and accepted Hermione as she was now, she wasn't afraid of him any longer. Between Draco and Harry her fear began to subside.

"I heard his voice. In the Great Hall, I heard it. It freaked me out a bit." She collapsed into the wall and slid down to the floor, feeling very tired and confused.

Everything was ninety degrees off normal right now. Here she was, fearing disembodied voices, running away into empty classrooms during meal time with Harry and Draco, who were being civil if not friendly to each other of all things. Ron was in the hospital wing with not a clue about what was going on. Well the clueless part wasn't too far off normal, but he and Harry weren't the ones she wanted to be with right now and that in itself was _not_ normal.

What was normal now?

**-DM-**

_I heard his voice,_ she'd said. Why did that statement bring both anxiety and anger to Draco's consciousness? Whoever had tortured and raped Hermione had been within twenty feet of him and he bloody well didn't know who it was. It was maddening and he felt the need to punch something.

The bastard had been there, somewhere, hidden in plain sight. Nearly every student and teacher had been at dinner that evening. Narrowing it down was impossible. Figuring out who it was, as much as he wanted to, was not going to happen tonight. So he focused on the only thing he could think of. The only person who now seemed to matter to him…

Hermione Granger.

When did she become thoroughly ensconced in his thoughts? He couldn't remember the last thought he had that didn't revolve in some form or fashion around her. Meals, homework, classes, free time, it all revolved around this one small girl. Everything seemed to be revolved around the bushy haired, know-it-all Gryffindor Princess and somehow he wasn't revolting against the ideas and reflections he was having about her, but rather enjoying her company, enjoying considering what her opinion on this or that would be. He wasn't sure how to process those revelations though.

Draco had followed her to the ground, squatting in as dignified a manor as possible and reached for her petite hands. His subconscious told him he was holding them in a much too endearing way but he ignored it. How it all looked to Potter he wasn't sure but it was a safe bet, by the look on Harry's face, there would be words between them about it later.

_Joy._

Draco, deciding to ignore Potter's existence for the moment, tucked a stray hair behind her ear, exposing her simple, gentle face. Then he noticed the tear stains. Silently they fell leaving arced pathways down her cheeks and fall off her chin onto her school robes. Without thinking his actions through he brushed his thumb along her soft skin and wiped away the evidence of her tears. She looked up into his eyes, her brown orbs shinning with unshed tears.

There was still strength in them; they weren't shattered anymore. But the pain and the fear snuffed out most of fire normally glistening warmly behind her irises. How had he never realized how precious that fire was? Near on five days ago he hadn't cared enough to really look at her. Gods had it only been five days? It felt like a lifetime all blurred into one _very_ long day. His heart warmed at the strength he did see, the smallest glimmer of hope back in her soul. It was proof that she was coming alive again.

"It's alright, Hermione. He's not here. You handled yourself beautifully, you know. You didn't completely lose your head. I'm proud of you," Draco whispered soothing words to her, ignoring his inner voice telling him he's being out of character, gentle and soft, dare he say caring… and all those other un-Malfoy-ish things.

"Er…Mal- Draco, Zabini is outside the door," Harry interrupted their moment, which Draco couldn't decide if he was thankful or irritated at him for. Judging by the way Hermione tensed and began furiously wiping at her face, ridding them of the rest of the tear tracks he was irritated. They were having a…well maybe he was thankful for the interruption. Draco didn't want to put a name to what had just transpired between him and Hermione.

"Let him in." Draco gave Hermione's soft fingers a squeeze and stood, righting his robes to comfortable perfection once more. His body protested leaving her touch but he pushed the ache down. Ignorance was bliss at this moment in time.

"There's a girl with him," Harry announced as if unsure that the uninvited guest was still allowed to enter now that there was an equally uninvited 'plus one'. Draco resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Potter and stalked over to the door and peered at his friend through the glass. He had with him a tall Ravenclaw girl, he could tell by her robes. She must have been the one Blaise found last night in the tower, Amie something? He really needed to learn her name. Blaise motioned for Draco to come out and Draco in turn motioned for him to come in, extra baggage and all.

Blaise gave the girl's arm a squeeze before opening the door, holding it open for her.

"C'mon in, sweets, they don't bite." Blaise waited until she was in the room before closing the door. Harry replaced the silencing charm.

"Amelia, I'm sure you know of everyone here but I was brought up proper. Introductions are necessary. So without further adieu, this is Draco Malfoy. Draco, this here is Amelia Klein. She's a seventh year Ravenclaw." Blaise introduced him to the gorgeous, if Draco was allowed an opinion, dark haired Ravenclaw. She had the brightest blue eyes with sharp black hair that cascaded down her shoulders and disappeared into the dark of the room.

_Have I been blind these last seven years? Where are all these gorgeous women coming from?_ _First Hermione and now Amelia…have I been under a rock?_

"Pleasure," Draco nodded his head in her direction, unsure how far to take the pleasantries. Blaise turned to the other male in the room.

"This is Harry Potter, you know, savior of the world and all." Harry huffed at the title but shook Amelia's hand muttering his 'please to meet you' greeting. Draco almost rolled his eyes at him, but he resisted.

"And Head Girl, Hermione Granger," Blaise continued with the introductions. Draco took the time to notice that Hermione was now standing; tears gone and her face near unreadable. When had people become so hard to read?

"I know who you are, Harry, I think everyone knows who you are," Amelia smiled and turned her attention to Draco. "Pleasure to meet you as well, Draco. I see you around and I know you're Head Boy but we haven't been properly introduced. I'm sorry that we have to meet on such upsetting circumstances." Draco again inclined his head, unsure how to respond to her 'upsetting circumstances' comment.

"You're the other girl," Hermione blurted out and by the shocked look on her face, hadn't realized she'd been thinking aloud. Amelia's eyes flashed something akin to sadness but with more strength than Draco thought possible. Draco and the other two males in the room held their breaths. It really was a rather straightforward statement considering it had been less than twenty four hours since Amelia's attack. Only a moment passed before Amelia gave Hermione a soft yet sad smile.

"If you mean the other girl that was tortured and raped by that less than human piece of shit, then yes, I am." Amelia didn't seem ruffled by Hermione's less than tactful observation.

"I- uh…yea," Hermione stumbled. The room then filled with tangible tension. It was so dense you could cut it with your finger. How does one just start up a conversation about rape and suicide and torture with four other students, two of which were the objects of the depressing subject? Suddenly Draco longed to be anywhere else but there. He wanted to be alone with Hermione. There were too many people; he was very keen for it to be just the two of them again.

Did he mention it was awkward? Five students standing uncomfortably in an unused classroom with a huge elephant in the room that some wanted to discuss and some wanted to avoid at all costs. This moment did not make his top ten favorite moments list that was certain.

"Back to the Head Common Room?" he heard himself say. There was a collective sigh of relief that the awkwardness was staved off for at least a few more minutes. Everyone agreed to meet there in twenty minutes. Harry had announced he had to go check on Ron and go back for his bag, which he'd left in the Great Hall in his hurry to get Hermione out of there. Blaise and Amelia left with a promise to meet in a few minutes.

And then it was just them. _The way it should be_, he heard himself think before nipping that thought in the bud before it could plant roots. Those were unhealthy thoughts that lead no where good. He refused to think of Hermione as his. For so many reasons she would never be his.

Why the hell was he still thinking about this?

"Well, she's a firecracker," he joked just to break the silence. Hermione let out a stiff breath and laughed, the tension finally broken.

"You're telling me. It's only been a day since…after what happened to her…I just can't believe she's so open and okay with it all." Draco frowned. Okay was not a word he would use to describe Amelia.

"I don't think she's as okay as she makes out to be. I think she's being abrupt to hide the fact that she's scared and feels alone, exposed and violated. I think she's hiding behind her strong outward appearance so no one asks the hard questions that she's not ready to deal with," Draco reasoned.

"You got all that from a greeting and a crass explanation of what her and I lived through? Well if you're right I'll have to concede to your higher skills of observation because I didn't catch that." Hermione smiled and it lightened his heart.

"I will be right, you'll see." He took a step towards her and put a hand on the side of her face. Again, his heart screamed at how right it felt and how he shouldn't ever let her go. His mind tried in vain to shut his heart up. How exactly an organ made up of muscle and blood could have a say so undeniably strong in how he felt he wasn't sure. He certainly didn't like it.

It had been a hell of a week so far for them. He tried desperately to rationalize it all. It could be that he was feeling this way because of sleep and food deprivation. Only a small miniscule part of him believed that though.

"How are you doing- after dinner and all?" Hermione looked up into his eyes and they held their gaze for many, too many, seconds. He was torn whether or not he wanted her to break the contact. She blinked but didn't look away.

"I'm alright. Shaken, but seeing how calm Amelia was, after telling Harry, saying_ it_ out loud, somehow it all doesn't seem as devastating. I mean, it was awful and I'm still terrified of him…but it's like my mind is starting to deal. I've felt stronger ever since waking up on the couch." He watched Hermione's eyes brighten. "I slept without a potion and didn't have a nightmare, did I tell you?"

Hermione was so happy at the end of her admission that her face lit up to a level he had not seen before. This was a different Hermione before him. She wasn't the same mudblood from their pre-teen years; she wasn't the know-it-all pain in the ass Princess he'd seen in the last few years. This wasn't a war heroine fresh out of battle. This was someone else entirely. Someone who made his stomach clench uncomfortably and his heart to beat a bit faster.

She'd said everything he'd wanted to hear from her for so long. She was healing; he was the one helping her heal. Draco was so proud of her. How could he have missed this powerful, beautiful, brilliant witch who had been hiding under his nose for so long?

Draco's chest swelled and tightened at the same time, for what reason he couldn't understand. Something was squeezing his heart to a point of pain and he felt lightheaded but he was so proud at how far she'd come so far that his chest swelled with pride. He half expected to pass out at the contradiction. The conflict between pains and the overwhelming urge to hold her and never let go frightened him and he pulled his hand back as if her skin were on fire. No, he wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone, let along Hermione Bloody Granger.

"Draco?" Hermione questioned, a confused expression clouded over her face and he had to turn away. He could not, would not, have feelings for her. He could not, would not, let her see how she was affecting him. He wasn't capable of caring about someone other than his mother and himself. It wasn't possible. It wasn't what she needed either. She'd been through hell; the last thing she needed was some love sick puppy chasing after her.

He was not a love sick puppy…

_Everyone else sees it_, his inner voice chimed sweetly, causing him to scowl at the voice in his head for ignoring his desperate need to _not_ fancy Hermione Granger. A small, soft hand rested on the crook of his arm and he schooled himself to be the old emotionless, blank shell he was six days ago. He would reveal nothing to her.

"What's the matter, Draco? I just told you I'm getting better and now you seem upset. Wasn't that what you wanted? For me to get better? I'm afraid I'm very confused at what you want from me." Draco closed his eyes and held back an exasperated sigh.

That was what he wanted. He wanted her to get better. He wanted to not owe her his services. But something inside him pressed that he wasn't there because of his promise anymore. He was there dawn to dawn because…well because he wanted to be.

He needed to get away from her, if only just to collect his thoughts. He couldn't just leave her though. How damaging would that be if he just turned tail and left her alone in an abandoned classroom after hearing her attacker's voice and meeting another victim? If he couldn't be away from her then he wanted a distraction. He needed something to take his mind off of her directly so he could rationalize the mixed messages his brain and his heart were sending him.

"We need to go to the common room," he said after turning back to face the object of his inner turmoil. When she seemed hurt and confused by his dismissal of her he added quickly, "I'm very proud of you Hermione, okay? I'm…I do want you to get better and get past the past. I'm sorry you're confused…I- we need to go." Frustration laced his words and he ran a hand through his hair, the long blonde strands falling into his face.

He had almost just let everything on his mind out without a second thought. Thankfully though, the filter between his heart and his brain was still functioning. That could have… no _would_ have… been a disaster. If he couldn't handle the messages his mind and heart were sending, how could she even begin to understand? She'd think he was going daft if he let his inner secrets out now…or ever. No she could never know the things he was thinking and feeling and wanting.

"Alright, I know I'm just now feeling like myself again but…Draco you can talk to me okay? Before all this I was the person everyone ran to with questions on how to solve their problems, academically and personally." She put her hand on his cheek, much like his own on hers moments earlier. He resisted the impulse to lean into her touch.

"I'm a good listener," she added. After a few more moments her hand dropped and she motioned towards the door. He mindlessly took down the silencing spell and together they walked in silence to the common room.

Why did everything seem to be going as off the course of normal as possible? Oh, because it was. He didn't even know what normal was anymore.

_Brilliant._

**A/N:** Okay, what did you think? I feel that it's time for the two of them to start to heal together. Hermione needs a wake up call; Draco needs to open his eyes and heart and start to feel real emotion. Granted he's trying his damndest to keep them shut but he'll come around. Hermione's POV is for lack of a better word, irritating the crap out of me right now so I'm not very happy with it. It still seems very all-of-a-sudden for her to just be 'okay' with it all but I hope it came across that she's just 'feeling better'. She still has a long way to go. I hope you all enjoyed it and please, _please,_ _PLEASE _review. They help me so much in my writing and I know what you are enjoying and what you aren't. So review pretty please? Thanks!

One quick question…totally off topic (sort of). In all the fan fics I read, everyone's mouth tastes like strawberries. Is there anyone who has kissed someone (who had not just ate strawberries mind you) and thought "oh, they taste like strawberries"? It just seems very odd that that is what everyone thinks each other's mouths tastes like. Maybe I'm using the wrong toothpaste? Oh well, review! Let me know how you feel about the story and about strawberry breath!


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